Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Frivolities & liabilities of the highest order

It’s the season again! Time to splash out and raise the hopes of our people! IMF gave a good report card and we can now celebrate in style. There are plenty of new projects seeing the light and the President wishes to clock in the mileage. Praslin needs some particular attention as both Ramadoss and Ramka are playing on his turf. He needs to blow the whistle and get Mitzy to call everyone to order...

JenPa: Bonzour Sesel! Oh I feel so high today; I wanna touch the sky! We are masters of our own destiny. It is invigorating to see you with so much energy and enthusiasm Sir. You are the best role model for all the youth and you are looking so evergreen...

Mr. President: Yeah, I’m happy that I have finally joined the Facebook revolution. I am the most popular guy in Seychelles and I need to be in their faces on all fronts. There is plenty of material to upload but please I do not belong to the past. I am a man of the present and I have another five years into the future. I will be out by 2016 so when ‘Stratezi 2017’ is due, I am out of here. My spin doctors’ team came up with the idea anyway. The little book had several grandiose ideals which our economic dilemma could not sustain.

JenPa: Indeed Sir. We have come out with your speeches book in the meantime. Your good friend Jim has embraced this and has appointed himself the chief marketing man to promote it. He is a bookworm so we need to finally reward him with his much awaited compensation. He has promised to keep MSR at bay if we finally give him back the toys Ton Albert stole from his pram in ’77.

Mr. President: He is a good bloke and has supported me through thick and thin. We need to show him the respect he deserves. How about letting him take centre stage for this year’s Independence Day?

JenPa: No Sir. He is a global citizen. You are the man of the people. You led the struggle for independence. You hold the trump cards for all things independent. It is not in our tradition to dish out independence just for the sake of it. Look at SBC. We control it. Despite all this talk of delinking, we are always linked on all fronts. Let’s keep the lid on or otherwise the brew might blow up in our faces... err book face...

Mr. President: Yes JP. ‘Je suis l’état et l’état c’est moi!’ It has been our fundamental principle and we are not about to change it. This is why we did the coup d’état. Now we have ushered in a new dawn. Everything can be done above board. We can invite who we want to partake in our development. We are here as facilitators to spur on this new era of maturity. It is normal for us to take good care of ourselves and our factions in the process. FAR has feathered his nest pretty well. We need to emulate him.

JenPa: Indeed Sir! Everyone is dependent on you. Full control! Your strategy of starving them and coming to the rescue is a great one. They become forever indebted to you. Look at our latest donation of the cameras to SBC. Your patronage of the Jj Spirit has responded to their call. They are over the moon and promised to make good use of these new tools to ensure better coverage of your trials and tribulations. We shall not divulge who our overseas partners are in this deal.

Mr. President: We can however no longer control the way our people think. Freedom of speech seems to have taken root. So we need to press on with total control of the airwaves.

JenPa: We have to continue to get you out and about boss. Ramadoss did the rounds and went door to door to all his shopkeeper fans to thank them personally for his dubious election to the chair of SCCI. He was acting presidential with a bevy of bodyguards and motorcade. Wavel was also spotted aboard the Cat Cocos with a couple of pumped up ‘lapire induced’ henchmen. They are all wooing ‘Ile des Palmes’ to try and wrestle this jewel from your crown.

Mr. President: Pa pou pase lo mon ros mon dalon! Mitzy has got it all sewn up. I had the honor to unveil the plaque at the new Pension Fund building. I live up to my promise to deliver. Praslin now has a modern complex and its own state of the art cinema. This is to the tune of over $45 million. We have also taken care of our own and my darling secretary has her second beauty shop.

JenPa: It is time to do some spring cleaning Sir. You have been in this house for more than two terms and the Escobars are still at large. You unleashed NATCOF on Intelvision and the public is so grateful. It is high time you start clipping some more wings as these little empires are getting out of hand.

Mr. President: Incidentally I have a new strategy for the war on drugs. We will enlist the help of the Vatican to tackle those evils. I am sure that with the Pope’s blessing we will get some funding and rid ourselves of these scourges once and for all.

JenPa: Sir the ‘commandante’ of buccaneer affairs is here for his weekly update.

 The charming PA ushers JoMo in...


JoMo: A big hello my good Esquire! Madame Baroness Ashton was not very impressed with her welcoming at the airport as no high official bothered to make the detour. She is however happy with our tough stance against the corsairs. She almost mistook me for Capt. Henry Morgan!

Mr. President: This is a very dynamic cooperation that we have engaged with the EU JoMo. We made up for our diplomatic faux pas with a lavish banquet on the state house lawns. She has been quite impressed with our hospitality I must say. I even gave her an autographed copy of my latest book.

JoMo: Our conference had a very positive outcome and she has pledged more funds to help alleviate the financial burden of this noble fight. We have spent more than 40 million. You see boss, at least I am making up for the $4.5 million that slipped away.

JenPa: OK! Enough of these shenanigans! We already got Danny Boy to cover up on that one. You need to do some damage control with DSTV to try and cover up Muskesh at Intelvision. We have better fish to fry... Go help yourself to a nice cup of Arabica coffee and some fresh dates that got in on this morning’s Antonov run, the courtesy of Sheik Khalifa...


JoMo heads for the lobby, ‘tou kagou-kagou’...


Mr. President: Hmm... You seem to be taking on a ‘Blackbeard’ demeanour JP. You need to go easy on him. He is my ‘joker’ when I deal the hand in the next reshuffling pack. He has been a faithful servant and taken on additional portfolios without flinching. I like his lap dog attitude. Bodes well for the future...

 June is upon us again. We need to face the music of division that is the 5th holiday. The president will give the adoration of the 'Tin Man' a miss again this year - will delegate the VP. He is preparing for the much anticipated house cleaning but can’t wait to be up in the air again to take to the stadiums in SA with his footie mad babes... Super Diski!