Sunday, March 28, 2010

To set the Seychelles record straight, rewind to 36 years ago (360° about turn!) and you will be shocked to see history repeating itself. How ironic!
Back in the early ‘70s leading to our Independence, James Mancham had started his ‘friends to all, enemy to none’ diplomacy and invited investors to help build our country. Albert Rene & James Michel were vehemently opposed to this policy and the friends that Mancham was keeping. Their rallying call at the time was that our patrimony was being sold off, our sovereignty compromised, access to our beaches being denied... Sesel Pou Seselwa became the battle cry.
One of the prime ‘investor’ that Mancham was attracting was a billionaire arms dealer by the name of Khashoggi. He had bought several parcels of land including the whole of Beau Vallon beach. His mega yacht was a regular visitor to our shores.
Today in 2010, after more than 30 years of communism experimentation, we see James Michel doing a 360° about turn back to the pre Independence days, adopting a so called ‘economic diplomacy’! He has stolen a leaf out of Mancham’s book (he cannot think for himself!) and is now in the company of some ‘new Khashoggi’ friends. But he is not selling land at its market value (he does not have the brains & industrious acumen to carry out any business on behalf of his people) – he is gifting it for one (1) rupee. God knows how much ‘gous’ (रु. घूस, back shish, فساد أخلاقي, pots-de-vin, 贿赂, bribes, взятки) he and his cronies are pocketing with these deals. To add insult to injury, his propaganda machines will want us to believe that he has ‘a heart for every Seychellois’! No James Michel. You wanted to be judged by your actions. You have your heart (hand) in the pockets of the newfound friends that you keep for company such as Sheik Khalifa and Prince Talal.
The very same reason (excuse is more appropriate) that Michel and Albert Rene used to carry out their cowardly act of the Coup D’état has come back to haunt them. History repeats itself and how ironic that Khalifa has also been gifted the same land at Beau Vallon that Mancham had sold to Khashoggi. The ruthless communist regime of Albert Rene & James Michel had acquired this land “in the national interest” back in the days…
But worse, James Michel has given away the following to his newly found company of friends:
$$$ - Petite Anse to Prince Talal who has put up a Four Seasons hotel and residences complete with concessions galore. All profits and revenue tax free and total repatriation of funds.
$$$ - Several hectares at Barbarons, Mahe, (ex Seychelles Army chicken farm plus the whole mountain and valley); to Sheik Khalifa for his own personal use, complete with several other palaces (read personal playgrounds).
$$$ - The whole of Police Bay, Mahe to Sheik Khalifa who will turn it into his private marina (read maritime playground), where he can hide all his big yachts and toys. Check one of the toys costing US$ 485 million: or
$$$ - Huge chunks of land at La Misere, Mahe (ex US tracking station site) to Sheik Khalifa who is building a 6 story, four block, 3D palace for a holiday home. He imported over 2,000 illegal Asian workers under his own construction company called ASCON. Rumour has it that this palace complex will be linked with the Barbarons site via a cable car system!
$$$ - Several hectares at Anse Pasquiere & Pti L’Anse on Praslin to Prince Talal who is building a hotel (Raffles) and several residences to sell to his rich & famous friends. No revenue and no taxes coming into the country. Concessions galore…
$$$ - Several hectares at Beau Vallon, Mahe to Sheik Khalifa (under the cover of Abu Dhabi Development Corporation) sold off by Bel Ombre Investments (a pseudo holding company fronted by a non descript character) for no other than the powerful local kingpins in the name of Albert Rene Inc. and Mukesh Valabhji. Another massive luxury project will be in the offing…
$$$ - Several hectares on Providence reclaimed land, Mahe (Zone 21) to Sheik Khalifa where a housing complex is being erected to house his army of illegal immigrant works who are frantically working on his projects on a 24hr basis.
Today the so called ‘investors’ are not billionaire arms dealers but Sheiks & Princes armed (stuffed) with petro dollars. They have found Jason (James – the Jj one!) & his golden fleece and he is being hunted down!!
 Surprised? Disgusted? Outraged? You better be and you have all the right to be! Unless of course you are Marie Louise Potter and her gang of demagogues in the national assembly. They want us to believe that James Michel has carte blanche to perform such sell outs and it is done in the interest of the country and its people! Give us a break! Aret bat latet Seselwa!
Next week, we’ll explore the Russian connection and then the South African influence followed by the Chinese and Indian invasion!

Khalifa (below James Michel selling out)

Sheikh Khalifa Bin Zayed Alnuhyan

Sheikh Khalifa Bin Zayed Alnuhyan’s Yacht

Posted using ShareThis

‘Bonzour Sesel’ - Circulating on the Internet…

"Seychelles are not what they seem to be. Officials of the country are mostly not professional and some are even corrupted or involved into criminal activities.

Just have got the news saying that a number of persons working for Seychelles offshore industry regulator (SIBA) are involved in money-laundering. The source mentions Ms. Wendy (****) from Compliance Department as well as several persons out of SIBA (described as her connections). According to some anonymous sources there is a soon-to-follow lawsuit in preparation, with FATF-experts involved.

2. Sheikh Khalifa's palace being built on the land once occupied by the USA Tracking Station site. This site was given to the Sheikh for one rupee by our incompetent President Michel, the same man who also gave Francis Savy the island of Ste. Anne for a rupee as well."

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Sheik Khalifa Invasion

Fit for a ruthless KINGPIN! The 747 Jumbo makes daily trips to disgourge its belly load of containers destined for the two massive projects at La Misere & Barbarons. All this while the customs officials stand by powerless... It's amazing what loads of dosh can do, from bribes and corruption to cocky arrogance!

The other metal beast that has been plying between Abu Dhabi & Seychelles on a daily basis, unloading its cargo of several dozen containers per trip. Alleged to have transported the over 2,000 illegal workers into our country...

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Seychelles Cartoon

Mr. Chairman of the Seychelles Pirates Commission engages in buccaneer diplomacy! 'Donn zot tetwar lanmok lapire'!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

World Bank Directors Meets with Seychelles Business and Industry

Recently the World Bank Directors and International Finance Corporation (IFC), spent two (2)days on a mission to the Seychelles to see for themselves, what the situation in Seychelles was like, after the initial October 31, 2008 embarkation on an IMF programme by the Government of Seychelles.

The Seychelles have signed on to a second IMF programme and IMF is currently assisting Seychelles with a second $31. Million programme for two years. The World Bank has given advice to Seychelles, and it has given a $9Million unconditional grant to assist the Government through difficult times.

The World Bank spent its first day in meetings with the Ministry of Finance delegations, which included Minister Mr. Danny Faure and Principal Secretary of Finance Ahmed Afif. The delegation met with Mr. James Michel, current President of the Republic of Seychelles.

The World Bank second day was spent in discussions with the Seychelles Chamber of Commerce, business and Industry. In attendance was Mr. Dolor Ernesta, Vice Chairman of SCCI, representing insurance brokerage and estate agency sector, Mr. Palani, Treasurer SCCI representing printing and accountancy sector, Mrs. Nicole Tirant-Gherardi, Secretary General SCCI, Mr. Christopher Gill, representing SHTA Tourism Industry sector, Mr. Gonzaque Dóffay, SCCI Councillor, ship chandler Services Sector, Mrs. Germaine Michaud SCCI Councillor, representing the Poultry Farm, water bottling, agro-industrial sector, Mr. Paul Hodoul, SCCI Councillor, representing Car Hire Association, Mr. Albert Payet, SCCI Councillor, Seychelles Tourism Board, Telecommunications sector, Mr. Joe Tirant, MD Oceana Fisheries, Fisheries Sector, Mrs. Sona Oliaji SCCI Councillor and Retail sector.

Dr. Ramadoss, Chairman of the SCCI was absent.

Issues addressed focused on the issues that remain to be addressed that pose an obstacle to growth in Seychelles as the Seychelles implements second generation reforms to implant the free market system in a once centralized Fabian economy.

The World Bank delegation highlighted categorically, that future maintenance of the Seychelles economy and its success will have to be based on private sector growth. The process Seychelles has undergone from the early days of October 31, 2008 when she embarked on an IMF programme, has demonstrated remarkable success according to the World Bank, but the success has not been solidified and stabilization of the macro economic conditions in Seychelles are not assured.

The World Bank said that only private sector growth in the Seychelles economy will ensure that much sought for stability. This is only possible through cooperation between Government and the business community.

Impediments To Growth Were Highlighted By The Business and Industry Community.

Nicole Tirant-Gherardi, Secretary General of SCCI, said there was a lack of infrastructure in place in the Country to effect growth. There is a lack of policies in place to facilitate growth in the economy. Mistrust between the business community and the Government, lingers on and it is still very strong.

In this meeting no press, SBC, Nation, or any other, was present to highlight the valuable points made. The World Bank was surprised that the meeting was held at the Ministry of Finance conference room, and not at the Chamber of Commerce conference room or other venue.

Mr. Albert Payet of STB, advised the World Bank that many foreigner owned companies in the Tourism Industry were wedging the Tourism Industry revenues with heavy management contracts, that are paid overseas and the money never enters the banking system in Seychelles. This results in a drop in receivables as the Tourism industry registered -1% in arrivals, but -25% in receivables for 2009.

Mr. Payet said that it is important, that the Tourism Industry retains strong local participation, in order to encourage reinvestment in Seychelles. Seychellois will re invest in Seychelles. This is proven over and over again.

Mr. Payet mentioned that there are cases wherein small Seychellois run hotels are registering larger turnover then large multi-national investments in Seychelles. This he felt, was not right and the anomaly had to be addressed to restore Seychelles to long lasting growth posture.

Mr. Payet addressed the excessive taxing by Government of Seychelles of the telecommunications Industry, 22% tax on receivables. He said this tax is unacceptable and remains a direct impediment to growth in Seychelles economy, as telecommunications will have to be cost effective to world standards for Seychelles to succeed in an ever more competitive market.

Mr. Joe Tirant highlighted that in the fishing industry, the break even catch for long liners is currently 2.5 tons of fish. High operational cost is attributable to high cost of fuel, due to heavy taxes over 300% and the burden of ongoing piracy issue, which threatens the viability of Seychelles fishing industry and making it uncompetitive in the world market place today.

Secondly, as the fishing industry is seasonal, fishing companies must by and store fish for Southeast monsoon period. Cost of running freezers, causes price of fish to surge, as PUC has increased prices by 27% in this year alone. The reductions announced recently, will not benefit his sector as they consume much more than 600 kilowatts per month.

Mr. Tirant informed the World Bank that a number of projects were announced to create a larger fishing port, but has since been shelved. Port facilities badly need expansion in order for the fishing industry to expand. Without this much needed expansion, the Fishing Industry will stagnate.

Mr. Christopher Gill, representing the SHTA, Tourism Industry, advised the World Bank, the main obstacle to growth in this sector, remains the lack of infrastructure in the areas of electricity, water, roads, and an employable work force.

In electricity, Mahe has only 20 megawatts of capacity. Its generators have exceeded their life span. The two generators Sheik Khalifa will provide will not be sufficient to meet necessary growth targets needed to keep Seychelles afloat in future. They will be two (2) 7.5 megawatt plants. PUC lacks necessary network delivery capacity to get electricity throughout Mahe. Mahe needs 60 megawatts. Current system can collapse any day.

On Praslin we operate on 9 megawatts and require more output to meet demands for growth in future. Praslin and La Digue will need 15 megawatts in the coming year. The current system can fail anytime.

Sewage systems need upgrading in order to ensure growth capacity demand is met on Mahe, Praslin and La Digue. Current system in Greater Victoria is time bomb making La Misere look like a minor incident, potentially.

On all main tourist islands, water catchments are inadequate and hotels regularly on annual basis have water shortage issues which they must face. La Gogue Dam and Rochon are inadequate to meet demand the industry requires.

On Praslin water storage capacity is only 3 days. With the new Raffles project, this will drop to 1 ½ days’ storage.

Desalination plants have not solved the problems, which government promised it would.

In regards to Employment, the Industry is faced with a situation wherein it does not have an adequate pool of employable-trained Seychellois job seekers.

When the Tourism Industry must resort to employing expat labour from overseas, it is faced with a very tedious, dysfunctional GOP application process that can take as long as 5 or 6 months to fill a post.

This is unacceptable and poses a serious threat to future growth in Seychelles, Mr. Gill said. The labour issues in Seychelles have to be de politicized to enhance and insure the success of the Tourism Industry as well as other key industries in Seychelles.

An application for a project before the Seychelles Investment Bureau (SIB) can take over Six ( 6) months. This is unacceptable and poses a serious threat to the viability of doing new business in Seychelles. The delays act as a serious impediment to encouraging investment in Seychelles today.

Government talks the talk, but it does not do the part that is most important: walk the talk.

World Bank officials pointed out that Seychelles has survived through the reform process only through the good grace of the World in the form of donations, debt write offs, unconditional grants etc.. Totalling Scr.700 Million in 2009. To succeed, it will now need a micro economic overhaul.

Mr. Albert Payet interjected and said, Seychelles ranks number 115 under the “Easiest Places To Do Business in the World” rankings. Mauritius ranks 15 and Singapore is the easiest place to do business in the World. We need to see Seychelles surpass Mauritius and catch up with Singapore. We must set an agenda to accomplish this objective.

Mrs. Soona Oliaji representing the retail sector, denounced that cartels existed in the Seychelles retail sector, as has been alluded by the Government of the day. This is pure fabrication on part of the Government of Seychelles and it is dishonest to suggest that cartels exist in Seychelles. If they do exist, Mrs. Oliaji asked that they be made public.

Secondly, while foreign exchange is now available at the banks, goods are imported, and sit on the shelves. People lack spending power to purchase goods.

Another problem the retail sector faces is the cumbersome labour laws. New salary requirements force business to pay high wages, but this results in business hiring less clerks and limiting staff as turnover has been reduced.

Thirdly, to allow foreign retail companies into Seychelles, with special privileges is an unfair business practice, that will hurt businesses that have suffered for 32 years, through thick and thin, to provide

Seychelles with goods. Seychelles has only 20,000 wage earners. 10,000 of them are in Victoria, Mrs. Oliaji pointed out, she does not see how such a large retail outlet as Casino will survive with these numbers.

Dr. Phogat, from Bank of Baroda, representing the Seychelles Banker’s Association confirmed that the Government of Seychelles, had been placing pressure on the commercial banks to reduce interest rates by -2 %. This according to Dr. Phogat was very difficult for the banks to do on a long term. Reason being, when government announced reform in 2008, it also announced a financial game plan which was for Three(3) years, to offer high interest on Treasury Bills, in order to mop up excess Seychelles Rupees in the system.

At one point it was 32% and went down to 18% and 15% then 4% and 3.5% currently. Commercial banks have offered 12% interest or more on fixed term, relying on the Government Three(3) year proposed plan. Now Banks are losing money on deposits. 12% Paid out to depositors– 3.5 % commercial banks receive from the Central Bank is the net loss on deposits. Scr 3.5 Billion owned by commercial banks are held by the Central Bank. Lending out that money, in real terms, can take many years, according to Dr. Phogat; if banks seek out good risks. It is not a 12 month effort as the Government wants us to believe.

By not following the plan the Government presented itself, the commercial banks of Seychelles have been placed in a highly compromised position, which will have negative impact on their balance sheets. Finally, given this situation, it is not reasonable to ask banks to take a hair cut of 45% on Government of Seychelles domestic debts. This will compound the loss of the banking sector.

Mrs. Germaine Michaud representing the Agro industries said farmers are struggling to survive. High cost of money on overdraft, high electricity costs, and regular cuts, overburdening Employment Act, which make labour expensive, high absenteeism tradition drives costs upward, and is making Seychelles products non competitive with imported products. Chicken crisis is a case in point.

Government of Seychelles set no clear policy for Agro industries since October 2008. It has been managed from crisis to crisis. There has been no advance warning of imminent changes. Many farmers are facing the reality of closure today as the result of consecutive loss take effect on their balance sheets.

Mr. Paul Hodoul, representing the Car hire Association said the cost of doing business in Seychelles since 1997 has skyrocket. Labour policy is strangling the business sector. High interest rates with banks are making business non profitable. Scenario: in 1997 a car was rent at SCR 450.00 per day. At the conversion rate of the time, it was $90.00. Today, the cars are rented out at SCR 450.00, same price. At the bank conversion rate, it is $30.00. Interest rate in 1997 was 8% and today, it is 16%.

Mr. Hodoul proposed to build a dry dock business in 1997, today if implemented, could service 40 purse seiners of the European fleet. Currently the fleet goes to Mauritius for dry dock service.

Mr. Hodoul said he supported the need for fishing port expansion. Both infrastructure improvements would have resulted in millions of dollars of additional growth revenue for Seychelles. Nothing has been done. All plans have been shelved.

World Bank reasserted that Seychelles had embarked on macro stability and it has done a lot in a short time, as most small economies tend to do. However, stability has not solidified and Seychelles will have to continue to work towards solidifying macro stability.

The World Bank will continue its engagement with Seychelles to increase clarity and interaction with the private sector. Government and Business will have to increase interaction and cooperation to remove Seychelles from the vulnerable position, she is still in, to secure the early gains made thus far.

This is an opportunity to be seized by Government and the private sector and should not be missed.

Filed By: Christopher Gill

Of musical chairs and failed experiments

After more than 32 years of total control by the SPPF, Seychelles has now entered a ‘new era’ of Parti Lepep but the song remains the same… James Michel is trying to give us the impression of a makeover, a ‘judge me by my actions’ business model that is nothing but more of the same. His propaganda machine has turned into high gear to mask some of the shady deals going on behind closed doors. In order to look like a ‘bon boug’, Michel is ‘empowering’ some new blood to keep propping him up. Look deeper through the stage curtains and all you see is a pantomime of musical chairs and failed experiments.
The SPPF government has been the champion of failed experiments. Isn’t it ironic that communism has gone down in history as a total failure but here in Seychelles the same communists have metamorphosed into capitalists of the highest order, giving away our country for peanuts and treating all its citizens like monkeys? Well this is what you get from people whose first and foremost intentions were to plunder and rape. In the process, they run the country by trial and error, with massive black holes where they keep pouring money endlessly to satisfy one man’s ego or the ruling party’s hardnosed ideology. The failed experiments are there for all to see. Some are slowly fading away but they leave deep scars in our people’s psyche – like the infamous NYS (which unfortunately contributed to the death of Michel’s eldest son). The same people who are today trying to portray themselves as the ‘supermen’ savior have been the architects of our doomed and failed state. How can they be trusted? The devil you know is better than the one you don’t know?? Do we need more failed experiments for us to realize that SPPF / Parti Lepep has failed us as a people? The list of failed experiments is endless and yet we see the same old bunch plodding along…
In line with the failed experiments are the musical chairs… For 33 years, this government has been playing musical chairs with the people in the civil service. This is the best way to reward mediocrity. Get Mr. X to sit on various boards and keep everything under control. Get Mrs. Y to take on a new position so that she can regurgitate the same bull in a different context. What a great way to operate an efficient government. Today, Michel has added even more musical chairs. There is no such thing as getting the boot if you are a party supporter – you can get away with any type of blunder. On the contrary, you are elevated to the highest position and you get to serve on other committees, boards or commissions. You get to perfect the art of lying and deceiving with the whole objective of staying in power and propping up a corrupt and unscrupulous government. They have too much to lose…
The Michel administration is a lame one. It is clueless at running the affairs of state. So in order to mask and cover up all these inefficiencies, there is a lot of fanfare about trivial things such as a media commission, a judicial commission, a technology think tank etc… etc… This is called empowerment, Jj style!  Much ado about nothing! Do all these choreographed shows indicate that our leader has great vision? Do self bestowed titles, awards and medals denote individual brilliance? How long are we going to tolerate such mediocrity?
Our great president has all the experience of propping up a failed communist state to guide him in his noble task to take us into this new century. He has drawn up the ‘Vision 2020’, sold us his ‘Strategy 2017’ and brainwashed the youth with ‘Aspiration 2013’ while everything that really matters crumbles before our very eyes. His main mission is to put this country back on a solid economic and social footing. Indeed a tough act to follow, especially when you are the main culprit of this country’s socio-economical undermining. No wonder we are being bombarded with all these sweet talk of unity, togetherness, determination, ‘leve debrouye’. He has finally come to realize that the failed experiments are catching up fast and there is no more music for the chairs to dance to. Keep dreaming dear leader!
Failure is in the eye of the beholder. Judge him by his actions come 2011 if we are to break this vicious cycle of failed experiments and musical chairs that threatens to torpedo our dilapidated ship of state…

Monday, March 22, 2010

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

To be or not to be…that is the big ?
With FAR’s sing song anthem of ‘be what you want to be’ ringing in his ears, Mr. President is now being faced with some serious personal reflections over the various fiascos that are threatening his short legacy. There is already talk of impeachment or forced resignations among the intelligentsia. Well, battles are won the hard way, and he intends to dig his heels and turn on deflection mode…
JenPa: A very good morning to you Sir! I am happy to report that the Jj Spirit fashion show extravaganza was a roaring success. The young ladies were truly strutting their stuff out there. Seychelles has really got talent. Your message went down well with the youth that had gathered in numbers to see those beauties…
Mr. President: Good work JP. We need to continue in that stride. Don’t forget to spread the word on the inner islands as well. We are starting to lose ground, especially on Praslin where our little lady in red is causing a lot of jealousy. Now that she is heading the women’s league, she wants one of the BMX X3 that the Sheik has brought in. She is already building several tourism projects for the extended family at Possession beach and she still wants more.
JenPa: Indeed Sir! There seems to be some sort of rivalry between the families close to you. The son has already laid his claim to fame with the saucy and raunchy nude soft porn pictures that were circulating on the internet. Plenty of gayness circulating around…
Mr. President: There is no family feud or sibling rivalry on my island of love. I have looked after them all pretty well. I have made them what they wanted to be JP. We are on the verge of giving Capricorn some new sophisticated wheels to cope with the juicy contract from Raffles.
JenPa: Sir, it was a good move to hold the ceremony for the young leaders of the defence forces right here at State House. We surely need to make the military a central part of our development. This is where Ton Albert was clever. He has walked some very tight ropes during his tenure and luckily you were around to keep the military together and focussed on protecting their C in C. And today, most of top brass are too busy with their own construction projects, flats, condos and other side businesses anyway.
Mr. President: Of course! They need to be rewarded for services duly rendered. We need them to watch over us, especially when we start with our punishing travel schedule. I do not want those upstarts to fire up with aspirations of occupying our house. We have the world cup in South Africa coming up in June and the Shanghai expo in mid year. We will have excellent opportunities to rub shoulders with world leaders and champion all our causes. I need to work for another accolade this year to add to my collection. We should have a team from SBC lined up.
JenPa: No need to go into the extra expenses Sir! With today’s U-Tube, broadcast yourself technology, we can only take Srdjana with her mini video cam. I am sure that she will also find a slot on CNN i-report to fit you in. By the way, we seem to have missed out on the Abu Dhabi media summit.
Mr. President: Yeah, I got wind of it on BBC and I am so mad at Khalifa! He did not even consider inviting us. That would be an ideal forum to spread our message about my Sea Level Rise Foundation and our Seychelles National Climate Change Strategy. The summit was very much about how the media can influence public opinion though. We have a tight lipped strategy on that as you know. ‘Bonzour Sesel’! Onezime has done a fine job with the new programs. Now the people will not be exposed to all this disorderly conduct of people power which seems to be happening daily around the world. From strikes to marches and demonstrations being beamed on BBC & CNN every morning is not very good medicine. This might give some of our people too many ideas. Just now the Air Seychelles crew will go on strike like British Airways!
JenPa: Yes, Sir. Total control is the ultimate goal. But despite having a firm hand on SBC TV & radio, Nation, People, People Plus, Isola Bella, State House newsletter and all the district pamphlets; it seems that STAR is doing a fine job at promoting the true values of free speech and the open exchange of ideas. This site is getting so many hits and I am worried it might engulf this whole nation in a fresh ‘Sesel Pou Seselwa’ wave.
Mr. President: Indeed JP. It seems that patriotism is at its lowest ebb in the country. At the last game of football our national team played to a half-empty Stad Linite. There are twice as many supporters when there is a local Saints derby match. And you know very well who the two camps support! No more Red Star to fly our banner…
JenPa: I totally agree Sir. We are being bombarded left, right, centre and posterior. It is so difficult to focus as we are being sorely exposed. Your team of incompetent ministers are already becoming a liability. Even Chow is assailing you with a series of ‘open letters’ about the La Misère fiasco and your stranglehold on SBC to try and add further embarrassment.
Mr. President: Can you believe it? He wants me to fire Joel! But I cannot afford this as he is my most devoted apostle and I need to keep my options open for a revamped Jj ticket at the next polls. I am under pressure to get Fernando to do an investigation on this fiasco. I know the outcome will be damning for my administration. But we cannot drop a bomb on ‘Superman’. Kom dir Kreol, ‘ziz bos plat mon dallon’! Let’s weather the storm.
JenPa: OK Sir! Let’s get moving with some visionary decisions. We need to live up to the promises we made last year and add more weight to really justify some of our travelling forays. We need to get Air Seychelles to follow in your pioneering footsteps and start the flights to Beirut, Seoul and Shanghai. At least this will get Chow off your case as he is the local consul for South Korea.
Mr. President: Brilliant thinking JP. Since you are on the airline board, give some instructions to the little captain will you. We need to open up to the world.
JenPa is in a buoyant mood! He just loves this high flying (mile high club) job! It is indeed flying by the seat of your pants! To be or not to be… that is the question that only his beloved boss has the answer…Up in the air!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Politik ‘zenofobi’ - lavyann poul ek dizef bon marse
The State of the Nation speech this year was a very mediocre affair. The media overdrive of the district meetings of last year, the boringly monotonous meetings with Marylou and the tedious ‘En Moman avek Prezidan’ has left JAM with an even more hollow brain. Even his master speech writers have drawn blanks. No more spin so what to do? With blunders after blunders splashing ‘malpropte’ all over this administration, it’s time to go on the offensive to win some votes.

JenPa: Good morning Sir! I must say that your state of the nation speech in the new people’s house given to us by our Chinese communist friends was brilliant. The teleprompter worked well and the procession with the new phallic object with a book and the coco de mer sitting on top was quite a spectacle. With the patronage of HRH Sheik Khalifa in our midst, we should be calling it a Caliphate. Herminie is the head Caliph of this house and I gather that he is fed up of dressing up like the old Mr. Speaker in this drab garb. He has ordered a set of dish-dash-ahs complete with the colourful Shumagg headdress, Arafat style!
Mr. President: Well JP. I really felt uncomfortable in this house. It is so big and there are a lot of empty chairs. I much preferred the old intimate one. There is no doubt that big Pat has high office aspirations… The speech was a tough one. With all these scandals engulfing us, I had to put on a brave face. We are still in control are we not? I think the introduction of this new ‘bonomm dibwa’ called ‘zenofobi’ will work on the moral and spiritual psyche of our people and get them to forget all the water contamination and illegal immigration problems we have to deal with.
The red phone springs into life, startling JP from his deep thought as he reaches out to grab the receiver.
JenPa: Hello. This is the private line of the president of the republic of Seychelles. How may I be of assistance? (Slight pause) Very well your Highness.
He turns to the President and hands him the receiver.
Mr. President: A very good morning to you your Highness. Yes, we have indeed been pushed against the wall with this latest catastrophe at your La Misère property. A thousand apologies for dragging your good name into all this excrement! It has also inflicted quite a bit of misery on the residents and we need to rectify the situation fast. There is a lot of contempt from the populace as they see your skyscraper compound taking shape. I need to do some damage control. How about some assistance with our skyrocketing utilities bills? (Long pause…) Oh, that is so kind of you your Highness! May Allah be with you! Thank you, thank you, Sir! Al salam malekum!
He puts the receiver down and flashes a beaming smile!
JenPa: Good news Sir?
Mr. President: Indeed my man! Khalifa is the man! He will donate a few more millions for us to buy a new generator that will supply all his properties and enough funding to build some dams to better hold the water at La Misère so that it does not get tainted as he does not want to risk his precious health. He is also thinking of helping us with the completion of the private health centre of Emerald Holdings. But he wants this to be called the Sheik Khalifa Mini Medical City. So I will have to seek the permission of Ramadoss, Sarah and Big Chief on this one.
JenPa: Sir, that’s a masterstroke! We have announced this in anticipation through your speech and Marylou can now have a field day and rub their noses in that shit! I am amazed how we can wriggle our way out of all this mess with the Sheik’s blessing. But how do we handle this huge influx of illegal workers on his construction sites?
Mr. President: Not to worry JP. Albert had already sold a portion of  the reclamation to him (no one seems to know where this money has gone though) and he has agreed to pay us a small lease so that he can provide some shelter for his 2,000 odd workers. We will then have a permanent solution to this problem as the workforce will be here for a while to develop all the properties including the ex-Khashoogi land. I can then ask Gappy to create a new electoral district and bingo! Re-election is assured for the next decade.
JenPa: Hmmm… this smells like the pre coup d’état days. We are already hearing the ‘Sesel Pou Seselwa’ rhetoric ringing in our ears.
Mr. President: Don’t let yourself be fooled by all this JP! This was our battle cry to force independence through. It did strike a chord with the older generation but our youth is now indoctrinated with the Jj Spirit. With Mitcy taking on the new ‘flanbo’ with the women’s league, we are in cruise control.
JenPa: Ya Papa! ‘Nanryen pa pou bar nou’! But Sir, we really need to try and curb this influx of foreigners in the country. It is now becoming too obvious that they are being included on the electoral roll. Last year you made a promise to look into this seriously and this year the figure has ballooned. Pretty soon the real Seselwa will take matters in their own hands you know…
Mr. President: JP, we are Parti Lepep. And no one knows this people better than us. We can manipulate as much as we want. Don’t forget that we have laid the foundation for indoctrination since 1977. We have built our perfect animal farm state where all animals are equal, but some animals - like us who are in power - are more equal than others. That is why we will be at the top of the pyramid for as long as we want.
JenPa: Sir you are indeed in another league. I am bewitched by your wisdom and exemplary leadership. Talk about farms, we have scored some massive points since your decision to liberalise the chicken and eggs market. No more chicken and egg situation to get us entangled! We got Minister Pinocchio to hammer the message home and I think he did a good job there. Now he runs the risk of the farmers cutting his long nose. He had promised to subsidize them and should have collected more than 9.5 million. He now claims there is only 5.2 million… Since he is the superman, we have also loaded his plate with some more midnight oil to burn on the utilities issue.
Mr. President: I need to test his mettle JP. He is also very ambitious and I’ve allowed him enough exposure to fit in Joe’s shoes. It is the ideal scenario for us. We will keep the Jj label as I would resent a JD ticket come the next election. And I don’t like Danny’s arrogance. Pinocchio is more of a humble no nonsense Mr. Nice guy.
JenPa: Great strategic thinking Sir. We need to find a way to contain this free speech emanating from the internet. I gather that all the youth frequenting the Jj spirit internet cafés are constantly logging on to the STAR blog. Despite our efforts trying to spread some confusion on this blog, it seems that their new revolutionary ideas are catching on like wildfire.
Mr. President: We need to fight fire with fire JP. This is why I have unleashed the ‘zenofobi’ beast onto them. Despite our liberation, deep down our people still have this plantation, slavery mentality. SBC will remain under our full control and no one will be able to beat us at our game.
JenPa: Sir we need to watch out. A lot of people are starting to get fed up of seeing you popping up every night and they are resorting to switching off their TV sets. We cannot afford to slip up.
Mr. President: Yeah. I need to loosen up a little. But I just love to listen to myself. It helps me to improve when I see myself on TV. It’s amazing how the teleprompter and the coaching you guys are giving me has made me feel more at ease in front of the camera. Some people are even saying that I have a lot of charisma.
JenPa: Indeed Sir. Loosening up also entails having a good sense of humour. You take yourself too seriously. I know that you need to give the impression that you are a workaholic but a sense of humour is the fine wine of intelligence. You need to portray yourself as a cultured leader of finer things that life offers. I would rather see you being appreciated for some intelligence than your charisma. But then again…State House is a weird and narcissistic place to be!
JenPa seems to be feeling more and more like Rasputin at this famous abode. He is starting to exert his influence in all circles…meanwhile, Mr. President ventures off to check if his FIFA World Cup invitation has arrived from South Africa yet…

Monday, March 1, 2010

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Patrick X is in da house!

With the year end of ‘Koste’ well behind us, JenPa had a bit of breathing space to take in the pulse in cyberspace. He has to wrack his brain to deliver yet another State of the Nation speech for the President but the STAR blog ( is doing a lot of damage out there. So his mission is to try and counter this barrage of free speech that is threatening to bring down the short lived Michel legacy. Hmm... Let’s create a character that will throw them off the track. He has always hated the Pillay era at MOFA so his ‘exile’ to the UK can be a great springboard for Patrick X...
JenPa: Good morning Sir! There has been a lot of water under the bridge during the past year. 2009 will go down as a milestone year in this Presidency. We broke several records that painted a glorious picture of your achievements – several awards that has Ton Albert fuming as he could not even get one during his long 27 year reign. We have already surpassed the Platinum status of the Emirates frequent flyer program with the most miles and countries visited. We even made an effort to lend some support to David by flying Air Seychelles on our way to Cuba.
Mr. President: Indeed JP, I will soon do a trip to the Falklands and bring Onezime along so that he can do a report for SBC. I am a man of action and my people need to see me every night in their living room. This will also lend further support to David’s ventures into these islands. We also stand a chance to make some oil deals there. But I need to think about this one carefully as I might upset Hugo Chavez and next time you know he will order his air force to shoot down one of our planes making the trips there.
JenPa: Not to worry Sir. With good old Patrick gone, we can now get Barry to execute our own brand of diplomacy, no questions asked. He has not shown too much ambition like Danny and is content with the role as PS. Active diplomacy is the way to go. We entertain all these dignitaries and try to milk everything from their country.
Mr. President: I am confident that Pat will do a good job in London. He has always wanted to be the minister for tourism. Now he is heading a market that needs driving so his prime task is to get the numbers up. He also has his newly built mansion at Port Launay and I am sure he will be marketing it to all the top end rich guys to make some extra dough for his retirement.
JenPa: Sir, as per your instructions, I have started engaging these people on STAR and it is proving to be almost a full time job to keep up with them. Apart from Gill and his brother, the rest of the people contributing on this site are all “Anonymous”. I decided to adopt good old Pat’s namesake (as a tribute to our skirmishes at the MOFA) to take on those Gill boys and company.
Mr. President: We need to go more on the offensive JP. Public opinion is shifting every day. I have ordered The People to bash Wavel every week so that we can alienate him as a possible credible opposition. Despite all the good things we are trying to do for our people, sorting out the economic mess, calling on everyone to unite for the future etc... we are losing our popularity fast. STAR is single-handedly tarnishing my reputation as a credible leader. There are so many contributors on this blog that I cannot figure out how to cope with all this barrage of free speech. Perhaps you can have a chat with Srdjana as she has all this CNN experience. We need to free some additional cash to try and pay some people to contribute on the blog JP. Patrick X is sounding too monotonous and I want you to be awake in the morning.
JenPa: Sir, the corruption accusations have intensified lately. With the Sheik building his monstrous castle on top of La Misere and handing out a paltry $ 30 million for the Ile Perseverans Housing Estate and a platry Xray centre, it is obvious that some pockets are bulging. We need to find a way to appease this sentiment of ‘Seselwa Rasin’ that will soon turn into an active movement and spearhead another revolution like you guys did in 77. ‘Sesel pou Seselwa’ is their battle cry and this is resonating across our islands, especially when we see this water contamination fiasco and everything that is going on at La Misere shrouded in mystery. Can you believe that even Joel, who is always in the know, is clueless of what is really going on there? There is talk that he will soon be swallowing a lot of the ‘cap ros’ that you ordered him to sell for 1 rupee.
Mr. President: JP, I never realised that all these dealings with Sheik Kalifa will blow up in our faces. To add insult to injury, we are now being covered in faeces. I totally underestimated their good intentions. There is no doubt that Lepep is not buying the idea of an xray facility in exchange for all these privileges. We have been hoodwinked by the Arabs JP. Ton Albert was furious when he found out about the developments.
JenPa: Sir the repercussions are huge. Those huge cargo planes disgorging those huge containers are in full view of the public. The huge workforce smuggled into the country has now taken to shitting royally into our water catchment areas. Soon we will see the huge pylons for the cable car linking Barbarons to La Misere. This will surely deface our pristine landscape don’t you think?
Mr. President: Well JP, this is the price we have to pay for going green. If we do go ahead with our new projects to harness the wind, we will be erecting those huge windmills on our hills. When the pylons for the cable car come up, Lepep will already have an idea of what it will be like when we get our windmills. So I do not see really your point about defecating our landscape.
JenPa: Sir, I am sure that soon you will no longer have to report to Maison du Peuple on a Monday morning. Now you can catch a ride in the cable car to the La Misere palace to enjoy some Arabica coffee and dates after a well deserved weekend at your Petit Barbarons retreat. This is the life you have to start contemplating. In fact the view up top is amazing. You can survey the Sheik’s kingdom.
Mr. President: I never realised that he would be building such a huge palace to be honest. I thought he would go for something modest to integrate into our nature. But he has seen the monstrosity at Soleil D’Or and decided that he will not let a Ukrainian outdo him. I have tried to get Barry to play this out under a diplomatic shroud but the sheer size of the building is sticking out like a sore thumb. Apparently when it is finished it will be visible even from Praslin on a clear day.
JenPa: Indeed Sir, SCAA and the Ports Authority will not have to spend their budget on the extra navigational lights as the glittering palace will be enough to provide approach signals. This is a good compromise in exchange for forcing us to get rid of our lovely coco de mer  immigration stamps.
Mr. President: JP you are starting to adopt a sarcastic attitude. I think that you are getting too big for your boots young man! Have a bit of respect for the decisions that I am forced to take under pressure. You should be content with being my speech writer and managing the presidential affairs and agenda. I have given you so many hats to wear on different boards and elevated your status in society. That’s why you are so popular and have so many people who want to be your friend on Facebook. You have to be grateful to me.
JenPa: My apologies Sir. I know that you have been a beacon of light for me. I would not have been where I am just with the Adam name. I know that Ton Albert never wanted an Adam in State House. I know that the day you fade out of the picture, I will become a mere pixel trying to blend into the multicolour Seychelles landscape.
Mr. President: You have done some good things my boy. I always wanted to have a son by my side. The Jj Spirit is your brainchild and you seem so in touch with our youth. You are doing your best to convert the old NYS generation from Danny’s spell. We now need to focus on the enemy closer to home. We are succeeding in getting the opposition to remain divided and now we need to focus our attention on the internal power struggle. We have managed to keep the big boys in the army happy with all the construction projects they are busy with. They also need to look after themselves as otherwise they will not obey any orders...
JenPa: Sir we need to watch out. We do not want to emulate those African countries where the military calls the shots. Just look at what happened recently in Niger. We need to resolve our differences amicably. This new ‘Seselwa Rasin’ movement will start striking the right notes. There are a lot of ‘Fabrikes’ and Collaborators (like us) out there who have to answer questions. We have betrayed the original SPUP motto and it seems it is coming back to haunt us.
Mr. President: Not to worry JP. We will stand firm. I am confident that we will be able to weather all these storms. There is one common trait in the Seselwa mentality that I have learnt to exploit from Ton Albert. Give them what they want when it comes close to an election and you are guaranteed to remain in power. If you sense this power slipping, play the army card to scare the shit out of them. They will never change. Even if you give them all the various forums to express their democratic rights. We control the main message that needs to get to the people. Don’t forget that I am still the Minister for Information!
JenPa: OK Sir! You are the master of the game. I will continue with the blogging and keep diverting the attention of the Racinists. I just love these political chess games. My dad has really filled me in since a very young age and Patrick X will always outwit them!
JenPa begs his leave and proceeds to meet up with the Jj Spirit committee to map out the strategy for this new year of ‘together for the future’. Seychelles has got talent and the proof is in the pudding. We need to look for diversions to distract the youth’s attention from the multiple problems we are facing. The idea of sponsoring the premiere of a horror movie sounds brilliant. Oh well, need to focus on the State of the Nation speech – this one needs to be ‘shock & awe’.