Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Ghosts of the future passed

With IMF in town, the President made his quick getaway to the Expo and was back in time to welcome the invite to court Shiva. He has now taken on a new lofty role of brokering deals with the rising superpowers. But if we are to become the gateway to Africa, we need to shake off this genocide curse. The ghouls are lurking. A squeaky clean image is a must in these diplomatic high jinks...

JenPa: Good morning Mr. President Sir! Before we get down to serious business, I have some important Facebook news to report. My friends circle has ballooned to just over 2,400. I am the most popular guy in Seychelles together with our night owl MC. He will be an MNA candidate for the forthcoming elections! Come to think of it, we could have a back up ticket in case MSR throws a spanner in the works of your bid for a third term. We could have the Spirit in action. I can be the ghost and MC the vampire! Jg instead of Jj - that's close enough!!

Mr. President: Well and good son. What happened to my page? I heard from the PR section that it disappeared? I have to get on this Facebook thing as it will help me to really gauge my popularity. Those calamities that ‘gremlined’ us recently do not do justice to my relentless slogging. Come to think of it, we need to find something to douse the ‘Sesel Pou Seselwa’ bonfire that is engulfing us.

JenPa: Sir it is probably better to turn all your foreign friends into citizens. Then there is no issue right? We are one big happy family living in absolute harmony. We are a multi ethnic society – the united nations of the Indian Ocean. We already have a global citizen in ‘Papa Labarb’ but we refuse to make him ‘large’. We need to ensure that we have at least one representative from each country. We should even invite Patrick Xeno back to join us.

Mr. President: Yeah but I would rather have more of our leftist friends join us. Converted Marxist-communists are the best business partners. They have perfected the art of clan & nepotistic economics. Our red friends from the east have shown us the way. Our economic recovery is modelled on Cubanomics. We have a nice little contingent of Czechs, Russian and even Serbs. Look at our press secretary! A pure specimen of this immigration revolution. Now we need to further embellish this bouquet and add some exotic plants from places like Kyrgyzstan, Azerbaijan and why not Borat himself...

JenPa: Well Sir it is more like a pot-pourri. I would much prefer Brüno Gehard (the lord gayness himself). We need to add some panache to our mix – LGBT power to the people. Or perhaps even Ali G would be delighted to find his little place in Paradise. He would make a good pair with our main man loud mouth MC. It is important to show off our Pride!

Mr. President: Nah JP. We do not want to see any rainbow ribbons parade. Let them lie in the closet as our best kept secret weapon. We have a huge following among this happy few as you know. Let’s get down to some serious business now. How did you find my Ephelia walkabout?

JenPa: Very well orchestrated Sir. And SBC managed to give some brilliant coverage. We have to start blowing our trumpets when it comes to investment as we need to show that our economy is buoyant even though not much cash is coming in. We talk about creation of wealth but we have nothing to show as we roam the world to beg or borrow. But it was great to see ‘Ton Guy’ showing off his latest gem. You see the Adam’s family is always by your side in your time of need. The good Captain put on a virtuous show with the teeny-weeny tanker at Baie Ste. Anne and now he has given us the largest resort in the Indian Ocean.

Mr. President: Indeed my son. I really stressed the fact that it is a success story for Seychelles as it represents close partnership between foreign and local investors. We have to nurture the Corvina clan as they are major players in this economy. So we can look the other way even though not much dosh comes ashore. At least we have some assets to show.

JenPa: Yeah despite all the complaints of our staff being treated unfairly, at least they have been given jobs. I loved the photo op with the kids at the hotel day care.

Mr. President: The charm offensive is on my dear friend. I am being linked again with the Malo arms deal and the Rwanda genocide. Need to counter with some tender moments and hit them straight to the heart. The Oppo is slipping up and our green acre friend is still searching for his running mate. The ‘escale’ in Brussels was not that fruitful. Diplo in London has thrown in the towel and his mansion is up for sale for a million dollars. You see times are tough all round. Sometimes the best strategy is to fake it and lie low.

JenPa: Ya Papa! We need to keep lying low. Look at the La Misere saga. We have placated all the loud mouths and had the sin absolved when the bishops had their conference up there. Your pilgrimage to the Vatican has provided you with protection for life. We are truly blessed my good Sire.

Mr. President: Are we really? I still have this Malo ghost giving me frequent nightmares. I do not want to face any UN commission of enquiry. I do not want to end up like Milosevic. I will have to call in superhero JoMo to handle this with his Ghurkha troops.

The red hotline phone rings and JenPa pounces on it...

JenPa: It’s Danny Boy Sir. He wants to update you on the IMF delegation’s escapade in Paradise.

Mr. President: Hullo my designate. How did it go with Lib Dem? (Long pause) Oh that’s wonderful! They must have really enjoyed all the sightseeing and boat trips. Afif is taking good care of them? I see, you gave him the same treatment as Mathieu. That’s the way to go. I am sure that we will get a ‘flying colours’ report card again. Great job! Long live Cuba! Thanks for the update.

JenPa: Sir as you know our man in ADB has served his term so we need to perhaps reward him with a ministerial post at the next reshuffle. He has supported us in our times of need.

Mr. President: Hmm... We surely have a lot of rewarding to do. But there is always a carrot that comes with the stick. Have you noted how I clipped Glenny’s wings at IDC? I could not call on you as you are too busy with all the cyber wars. So I gave the carrot to Ti-Pat. He has been a key figure in all our land deals so we need to keep him happy in case he decides to squeal.

Now that we have flirted with Hu, we need to show some affection to Singh and maintain the Indo-Sesel bond. Main man Ramadoss will come in handy again as he will know all the doors to open in Delhi and Mumbai. Oh, it is perhaps best to take the prima lady along this time to avoid any aphrodisiacal misunderstandings. Oh, que la vie est belle!


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