Sunday, April 4, 2010

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Innovative Thinking or Bust!

In the face of adversity, the Seychelles Presidency is ushering in a new era. New ways of thinking and doing things at both government and party level has now been adopted as the latest mantra. We are already registering some heavy collateral damage with the recent mishaps and we can count our stars that the well oiled propaganda machines are still operating. Those pirates seem to want to test our resolve. You do not mess with the Jj Spirit!

JenPa: Hello my good Sir! Despite our show of unity at the ‘one-of-a-kind’ conference we seem to be taking to the slopes. We are in for the ride of our lives. ‘Per Fondater’ never bothered to show up. Our intelligence team can no longer cope with this wave of public outcry. The movement seems to be on the march and loads of our people have joined in. While these guys try to mount a challenge, we still have to grapple with all this mess and the infighting in our camp. The future does not bode well for us, Sir. We need to score some points. Let’s be tough on these pirates! The Chairman of the Committee is here to see you Sir.

Mr. President: Very well JP. Please let him in.... (Superman J comes in for a debriefing on the latest developments about the standoff with ‘Topaz’. He is looking the part complete with his four star beige cap & military fatigues!) 

JoMo: A very good morning Commander! I have already done my interview and provided all the details of the action pertaining to the rescue of our fishermen brothers. We will never allow ourselves to be taken hostage again. This was a daring mission and the best PR stunt to get our people’s minds off their day to day destitution. I tried to paint a vivid picture to give it a Hollywood twist. I did ensure that your name was mentioned more than 15 times during the interview...

Mr. President: Brilliant JoMo. If you continue in that mould, I will make you C in C one day! But what’s with these 10,000 rounds that Topaz pumped into this poor dhow before it caught fire and sunk? This is more like target practice! Well I’m glad that you highlighted this fact. We can now get more ammo rounds from NAVFOR. Our action has sparked a fuse within the region and a search and destroy mission is on.

JoMo: They have now been warned Sir. We cannot allow any pirate infestation in our waters. Now that we have the mandate, we will whip their little raisin bottoms and they will swim all the way to Somalia. I made sure that the overseas press is well informed of our heroics on the high seas. The message out there is clear. Don’t mess with Seychelles!

Mr. President: OK JoMo, don’t get too carried away. This is just child’s play. Back in the 70’s, we were doing more daring stuff than that! Now we have upgraded. I do not have to handle a gun anymore. I do everything remotely, monitoring every detail on a GPS and a computer screen. I tell you. This modern technology that the young ones are exposing me to is just fabulous.

JoMo: I am sure that you do find some VP material in this performance right Sir? This is the mindset we need to adopt for our next election campaign. Our people want a decisive Jj Spirit and firm leader. But you need to be in the thick of the action & provide a warm Presidential welcome to the distressed fishermen. The Iranians are already in awe with you. I am sure you will receive a message of heartfelt thanks from Ahmadinejad. We did a much better job than Carter did when he tried to rescue the Americans hostages.

JenPa: Sir, our young leaders of the defence forces are proving their worth. They are doing us proud. These Somali morons ‘pe tat zot delo’! We are in full swing with our innovation process. Next thing you know they will invade Aldabra and take our entire colony of tortoises hostage. And that will come at a hefty ransom.

Mr. President: Very well JoMo. Many thanks for this update. We’ll see to it that we get some good mileage on SBC when they arrive. You now need to attend to the groaning folks at La Misere. There is a huge compensation that we need to come up with for the pollution fiasco. I am very unhappy with the way Environment handled this issue. Now where do we find all this money to pay out? The Sheik refuses to fork out any more money. He says that he cannot be the one rewarding such incompetence.

JenPa: We thank you for your time Mr. Piracy Committee Chairman; we have more pressing business matters to attend to. (JoMo gulps down his glass of Evian water and makes his way to his car).

Mr. President: OK JP, so what do you have planned for me today?

JenPa: Sir, you will be happy to note that we have already set up the new agency to oversee the transformation of the ‘Nation’ newspaper. Danny had no problem presenting the bill. Just a little cosmetic make over - just like we did when we transformed SMB to STC. We now create a board that will be appointed by you so we can maintain more control as we’ll have more people doing the job of the editor. A bigger push indeed!

Mr. President: I have found the magical formula to solve all the problems and issues affecting our young, budding democracy. It is best to pluralise everything. We create committees and agencies and I appoint all the members to help me run the show. It is too much for one man JP. So I get to delegate. Once you have these members on board they have to follow in our footsteps.

JenPa: Sir, we have just received a parcel in the mail from Commrade Raul Castro. He has sent many books as you requested. He sent the entire ‘Dummies’ series. They are perfect for a crash course in these subjects such as ‘Business 101’. By the way he has also sent a box of Cohiba cigars for Ton Albert. But he is not in a state to be puffing on these fat ones anymore.

Mr. President: Yes my man! I have tried my hand with these short courses on the Internet and I quite like it. I have been fascinated about a section called ‘guerrilla marketing’. I picked up some ideas and I am ready for my walkabout to visit some of the key businesses in town. But we better stick to the government businesses. We can perhaps call at the Credit Union to show some support. “Business skills are key to lower operating costs. Having good business management skills is the key to reducing the high costs of running a business”. You see I am mastering all this business high tech jargon heh!! Do I make any sense??

JenPa: Colastik Mr. President! But the best businessman beats you by FAR! He is more than $ 2.5 billion worth. Now that you are rubbing shoulders with the real movers and shakers in the business world we will ensure that you get the first honorary degree in business admin from ‘Uni Sey’. It will be of vital importance in our future dealings as we have quite a lot of foreign investors lining up to meet with you. They have gotten wind of the Sheik Khalifa story which STAR has put out worldwide. They are all keen to cut some deals to earn their key to Paradise.

Mr. President: Great move JP. We now also have control on world news, do we? Well I hope that my PR team will be able to get all the State House news in the world press. This time it needs to hit AFP, Reuters, CNN, BBC, Al Jazeera etc... Make sure you also send a picture of our new BMW X5 (courtesy of HRH) that we used on Praslin for the opening of the new Seypec depot in the company of our good captain. I am tempted to ask him for my own yacht as I need to think of a getaway plan. But I hate sailing. A private jet might be asking for too much though don’t you think?

JenPa: Not at all Sir. He is such a kind hearted and generous man. He has a heart for every Seychellois.....!!

Now that the Pirates have been taken care of, they have turned their undivided attention to riding the business community horse. Hmm, there is another battle looming ahead. The steed is about to jump over the precipice as the monster we unleashed is masterminding a coup to hijack the SCCI. We need to mount a strong lobby to avoid another disaster. Otherwise we’ll be masticated alive...


Anonymous said...

Brilliant humour and tells us exactly how these morons are running, or RUINING, our country.

If I may add a suggestion, it would be good to have cartoon figures or cartoon heads of the characters involved in this comedy play. That way, people who are not familiar with Jenpa (Jean Paul Adam) or Jomo (Joel Morgan) will know exactly who these morons really are.

Anonymous said...

I love State House Anytime Now and every week I wait in anticipation to see the funny side of life at State House.

But it's a Fool's Play if you ask me. State House has an ACT for every day of the week and this is enacted on SBC every night, while the Nation newspaper does its best to distort the so-called news in Michel's favour. I hear this Editor called Seela or Sila is a total ass-licker who is trying to get citizenship. With the new agency formed to manage the Nation, we are now taking another step backwards into communist controlled media. Plus ca change!

I hope the people of Seychelles understand exactly what Michel is doing. He is no different to a Somalian pirate. He has taken Seychelles hostage and the media is under his command and control. He will stop at no length to brainwash the few remaining pea-brain idiots (couyons) still waiting for a welfare handout and a flat. God Joel, please let me have a gun with 10000 bullets. I would have some real fun.

Anonymous said...

I am an attorney in the UK and have visited Seychelles several times in the past 20 years.

I was shocked when I read the Independent story regarding the La Misere incident. My legal advice is to tell the residents to file what we call a class action lawsuit against the construction company and then file a separate lawsuit against the Government of Seychelles. For those not familiar with class action lawsuits, here is a short description below. Good luck to you all and may the good Lord bless you all.

* * * * * *

A class action lawsuit is filed on behalf of a group of people who have been in some way injured by the actions of a company. It is common to see class action lawsuits filed by members of the company if hiring or salary practices have been illegal.

Another type is the class action lawsuit filed against a drug company for making illegal claims about their product, or for causing deaths or physical damage to those taking the drug.

When one joins a class action lawsuit, one usually has to sign papers declaring that he or she then forfeits the right to sue the company as an individual. A successful class action lawsuit awards damages to the plaintiffs, who are those suing the company, according to greatest damage. In most cases not all members of the suit are entitled to equal compensation. Usually the attorneys work on a contingency basis, which means that they will receive a portion of the award but charge their clients no fees if the suit is not successful. That portion can be high, ranging from 30 to 50 percent of the total award.

Awards from a class action lawsuit are split into two portions: punitive and compensatory damages. Compensatory damages are meant to address the defendants (those being sued), and direct damage. These funds will be used to address actual damages caused by the defendants, such as illness, loss of life, and/or pain and suffering. Punitive damages from a class action lawsuit are a form of punishment for the company committing illegal acts, or causing harm. Punitive damages in large class action lawsuits can be particularly high, when it is demonstrated the company has shown great disregard for the health, safety or emotional well being of the plaintiffs.

Class action lawsuits may become jury trials, or may be settled prior to a trial. A suit may be tried in directed mediation. Settlements and mediation mean that damages are agreed to by the defendant/s. Jury trial class action lawsuits can create problems because a company leveled with heavy punitive and compensatory damages can appeal the decision. The appeal process may last for years, so plaintiffs may have to wait a very long time before seeing any money. Companies can also declare bankruptcy, which means the plaintiffs may never be awarded any money.

One of the most well-known class action lawsuit is explored in the film Erin Brockovich. The film is a biopic detailing the class action suit on behalf of the residents of Hinkley, California. They sued Pacific Gas and Electric (PG&E) for lying about using the chemical hexavalent chromium, which then seeped into the ground water and contaminated the water supply. Many residents of Hinkley then became ill with cancer, or had fertility problems. As well, animals living in the small town died quickly.

The suit’s lawyer Ed Masry was able to establish that PG&E knew about the situation and deliberately risked the lives of those living near the power plants by failing to warn the residents. Erin Brockovich, played by Julia Roberts in the film, extensively researched and documented the damages caused to Hinkley residents. Her dedication helped secure the successful verdict against PG&E. Ed Masry chose directed mediation for the class action lawsuit, meaning those severely affected by exposure to chromium were given immediate monetary relief.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

We do understand what Michel is doing and that since 1977 when he and a gang of crooks, by the barrels of ak-47 toppled our young democracy and imposed a communist state on us.

The problem of Seychellois has been the failure of having a leader to lead a fierce oppostion against this ruffians.

But time is changing, there is an intelligent leader on the rise, in the name of Christ.With him we are going to screw SPPF ass.... once and for all.

By the way,if you are a Seselwa RASIN to,don't hesitate to join us in this endeavor. Every single force is needed and welcome.

MICHEL could in no way be compared to those Hungry Somalis pirates.He is worse,he is a confirmed kleptomania with similar syndromes as Castro,Kim,Mugabe and other communist tyrants.They would try to hold on power for eternity if they could,thus the need for a revolution.

Join us in this just cause to free our country from those criminals.

Jeanne D'Arc

Anonymous said...

We must refrain from verbal aggression against PP. It is counter productive and reduces the value of our high- ground position.

Show PP we do not lower ourselves to insults. Stick to the facts, its enough to beat them over and over. Truth must be our mantle, and racism and personal attacks has no place in Rasinism.

Do not let PP make us Seychellois, less than what we are.

Remain polite, but remain steadfast and assertive.

Sesel Pou Seselwa PP, lest you forget!

Christopher Gill

Anonymous said...

TIKLO says that's a very good call Christopher. Please keep it up. I have instructed Dr. Popip to give you en kornen nougat fannen for Easter. Take care.

Anonymous said...


Last year SPPF pompously launched an anti-corruption reform with the sole intention of racheting down this cancer gnawing our society.

To this day no one single individual has been indicted,prosecuted or convicted for any wrongdoing albeit the mountain of facts at hand.Normal most of the alleged culprits are high officials in government.

The anti-corruption reform proposed by SPPF has no chance of success by the reason of the extent of bureaucracy and inertia that persist in the government.

The lack of crucial political and institutional elements;public officials have reverted to;bribery,nepotism,cronyism,patronage,extortion,graft and embezzlement to name a few.

In other words the reform has gone half-cock,promoting and encouraging instead for more corruption in the system.

It remains barely just another catchword more in SPPF collection of slogans.

Anti-corruption reforms have a chance of success when they involve civil society and be free from political interference.But even well-meant efforts are unlikely to meet their objectives if basic institutions from the judiciary systems to civil society are not in place.

CORRUPTION has clearly become ingrained in SPPF culture,it is a rapacious habit they can't refrain themselves from.Therefore don't expect them to be the reformers.

Accountability and transparancy PP.


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