Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Made in India, hail to the coup & shuffling the pack

The Seychelles president is on a high! He did all the right moves in all the right places. He even danced to the ‘Made in India’ tune to the amazement of his press secretary! Well, all the good fun frolicking overseas has to come to an end. The campaigning has started early and we need to use every opportunity to rub salt in the wounds caused by the ‘Iron Man’. Well first we need a makeover. Time to reshuffle the pack yet again...
JenPa: Welcome back my good Sir. This humble abode has been dull and monotonous without your presence. It breaks my heart to think that I will no longer be part of this setup. I have been quietly paying my respects to Queau by his tomb and my wish has been granted. I can see that he has visited you in your dreams. My heartfelt thanks for your enlightened decision to make me head of the Maison Queau de Quincy. Not bad for a guy who started out there as a protocol officer huh? I hope I get to keep the hats on the boards. Now good old Pat will have to answer to me! I have served well under your wings and this is the best birthday present I could ever imagine...

Mr. President: You have been the most faithful servant my boy. Your meteoric rise has been unprecedented. I have this Midas touch of making dreams come true. Barry Boy will not be too happy as he was aspiring to fill in Pillay’s shoes. But I will comfort him by bringing him to sit on my lap. He now has a tough act to follow. You have set the benchmark as SOS and he will have to use all his diplomatic immunity experience. I now have the two brothers in arms by my side.

JenPa: Very good Sir! But we will have to reinvent ourselves again. Jj Spirit is now irrelevant. We now have the JD ticket for 2011. That’s a powerful spirit indeed. A Jack Daniels Seychelles style! Perfect way to another ‘metamorfoz’! The spirit mode will always be with you boss. If you run out of JD then you can opt for J&B. You are really bleeding the young guns. Meriton merits to be designated. He has served well and is the main man of the grassroots. He is planning the biggest party at next year’s IOG.

Mr. President: Yeah... I am desperate for a makeover JP. Thanks to your vision for a more modern and cutting edge dynamism I will empower the young guns. I need the youth behind me. The spirit is gathering momentum. We cannot bank on an aging team. We need to know when to retire the veterans. I am still young at heart with my beautiful first lady, lovely secretary, gorgeous Liz and the thousands of secret admirers on Facebook. Zot, rann mwan mon ventan!

JenPa: Incidentally, we are losing the battle on that front Sir. We tried to wreak havoc with some fake profiles to divert the attention and take on the ‘truthsayers’. Unfortunately things have backfired and all the skeletons have come out of the closet. Pauline has had another mishap and has allowed herself to be crucified. The cat is now out of the bag on her purloin for the media report. She has now earned the title of Mata Hari Ferrari. Cute huh?

Mr. President: Well she has also been rewarded for her covert cyber operations. She will now be closer to you in her capacity of Vice Consul in Paris and will be your private escort to the Elysee Palace. She is still a cutie and I am sure Sarko will eye her up.

JenPa: Bon revenons à nos moutons... You scored some major points on your passage to India. Your visit to the Gandhi memorial shows kudos. You look so stately in all those pictures but your first lady was conspicuously absent. I know you had several lovely ladies in attendance but we failed to gloss on the protocol and you need to be a better role model of a solid first couple. I am happy to note that Ramadoss was well hidden away this time around. The Indians do know how to host, with these lavish banquets in your honor.

Mr. President: Yeah. It’s great to be treated as a real friend. The little lady president laid out the red carpet at Rashtrapati Bhawan. I was wooed by FICCI, CII, ASSOCHAM, TERI and TATA. They all wanted a piece of me and I have invited them to partake in our economic diplomatic conspiracy. They already have Ramadoss and Siva as their role models.

JenPa: Good stuff. I will do a follow up visit soon in my capacity as MOFA. I am flattered to be called a minister. So let’s run down the checklist –

• 45% of our debt written off and the rest rescheduled over 20 years. That’s $1.375 million! Your new VP will give you a big bear hug for that!

• TERI to share their knowledge on all environment fronts. Rolf will be in his element.

• More valuable assistance with teachers and scholarships. MacSuzy makes a soft landing at MOE.

• Foreign direct investments, fibre optic cable, TATA regional IT centre – Wow, what a way to usher in Ton Peter!

• Full support for the war on piracy. Hmm Jomo takes on the Slumdog Millionaire role at Home Affairs!

• A bright future partnership in commerce and trade – OMG Ramadoss has hit the jackpot! The empire will grow by meteoric proportions…

Mr. President: Yes, our casino man was the entrepreneur in chief of this mission. He does have some business acumen when he rambles on in Hindi. He has secured several deals and our coffers have been filled to the brim. We are ready for the next battle at the polls. The rally to mark our coup d’état was well attended and the red tide is back to engulf those little minions who think they can unseat this regime. Over my dead body!

JenPa: Indeed Sir. With resilience and determination we have known an unprecedented transformation which is now bearing fruits. It is a great idea to add technology to Danny Boy’s portfolio. He will bring his militant ardour to this domain and we need to get him on Facebook.

Mr. President: Yes. We are a formidable team who is responsible, resilient and realistic.

JenPa: Indeed Sir. I have another milestone to add to my CV. The youngest minister ever! That will surely get me another 500 friends on FB. I can now plan for my assent to the throne. I will be back in this famous abode. My stint at the Maison Queau is the best proving ground. I am glad that you have taken on the portfolio for tourism. You can now ensure that we fly to Lebanon, Shanghai, Beijing, Seoul, Mumbai, Delhi and Chennai. We should not be held hostage by the Icelandic ash cloud anymore.

Mr. President: Indeed my man! The Sheik really appreciated the detour we did to further discuss the UAE military’s involvement in our islands. His Highness security is of paramount importance and he needs all the protection and diplomatic immunity.

JenPa: I am amazed at how you can handle all these diplomatic shenanigans. You were on cue to welcome the Sheik’s delegation on arrival at the airport. Talk about the mountain coming to Mohammed! Or is it the other way around? You have really put Seychelles on the world map with all these Arab palaces. I have several VIP files that I have to handle as soon as I move into my new ministerial function. With Prince Talal and Sheik Khalifa having their ‘rasin’ now well implanted, we are being courted by Sultans, Chiefs and Maharajahs...

Mr. President: I am so glad to have this new mindset flourishing within my administration. You now need to work on your last masterstroke before you sail into the diplomatic sunset. I need to be seen shaking hands in the company of Zuma and Mandela. Please ensure that I have my own ‘vuvuzela’ to make some noise and cheer on the world cup pretenders.

JenPa: Not a problem Sir. We have pulled all the stops and your team of cheerleaders have dusted their skimpy outfits and ready to rumble...

Mr. President: Go Brazil... Samba time!

The World Cup fever bug has stung the chief and he is in his best sporty mood. Now that he has shuffled the musical chairs yet again, he expects his new team of goal keepers to hold the opposition strikers at bay. We need to take extra care ‘cause the Jabulani can take some wicked deflections....


Anonymous said...

This comedy gets better all the time. Well written.

As for the shuffle of Ministers,it is a bloody shame to see that Tourism still does not have a capable Minister. I guess Michel is too scared to ruffle Lalanne's feathers while Alain Ste. Ange does all the donkey work.

And Joel is now in charge of the Police and the Prison. Poor PP Jomo Morgan.

Anonymous said...

I feel sick when I see this fat Indian bastard passing himself as a Seselwa and officially representing our nation on the International Scene.

Anonymous said...

State visit to India my ass, Mr president went with cap in hand begging for loan forgivness from a country that has millions of poor people. So technically he is stealing the food from the mouths of the poor in India, because of money he and his cronies have stolen over the years.
A disgrace.

Anonymous said...

Begging for millions in our names mean accummulation on an already astronomic debts.When PP left office probably our debts amounted to over U$2 billion dollar.

Anonymous said...

I am tired of seeing my President going around the world with a begging bowl when there are thousands of Seychellois with the skills, intellect, financial ability to generate wealth in this Country.

If only our government did not make it so bloody hard to start or run a business, they would be collecting corporation tax for fun. Everything in this Country is so fucking complicated. It really pisses you off when all you want to do is invest your own money, create employment, make a profit and pay your fair share of taxes.

Instead you come up with endless bureaucrats and wnaker bankers wanting 18% interest on a loan. What fucking planet do they live on?

Man Friday

Anonymous said...

Yes, also add that foreigners and cronies have been given land at places like Providence instead of leasing the land to real Seychellois investors. Gregoire has a prime spot at Providence and he has not developed it for nearly a decade. Chinese who have just landed in SEychelles have already been leased large tracts of land, espeically next to Gerard Lafortune and his partner Gregoire Payet. No wonder there is no employment for Seychellois and the foreigners keep coming in to take our jobs. Time to vote SPPF out and take our country back.

Anonymous said...

In Мahaѕidԁha Viruрa's lineage, the Hevajra tantra Shri Hevajra is a principal meditational deity of the Mahayana school of Buddhism. Just like your technical staff, your front end staff need to be treated.

Here is my homepage; erotic Massage london

Anonymous said...

If you are going for finest contents like myself, simply visit this website
every day since it presents quality contents, thanks

Look at my web blog - lollop

Anonymous said...

Wow! In the end I got a web site from where I can truly get useful data concerning my
study and knowledge.

Here is my blog post; armoury

Anonymous said...

We're a gaggle of volunteers and opening a brand new scheme in our community. Your web site offered us with useful info to work on. You've done a formidable activity and our entire neighborhood
will probably be grateful to you.

Review my blog post - loboctomy

Anonymous said...

Have you ever thought about creating an e-book or guest authoring on
other websites? I have a blog centered on the same subjects
you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information.
I know my readers would enjoy your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an

Stop by my blog - ilicifolia