Thursday, August 19, 2010

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

("A political satire based on actual events as portrayed through the state controlled media")
Damage control 007 style and wooing back La Misere

This week the President celebrates another milestone. He is way past his retirement age and he is in two minds. He needs to go out in style but his obligations to his master the Sheik are more pressing. We are now the centre of world attention but he needs a well deserved rest as he sends in his trusted lieutenants for another round of damage control 007 style.

Lizzy: Hello Sunshine! Happy sixty sixth! The older you get, the sexier you look. I wanted to throw you a party but Bawi banished the idea as it would cause a marital chaos. But I’ve brought you this bunch of blood red roses as a sign of my undying adoration for all things Jj.
Mr. President: Ahhh! Older, wiser, sexier! That’s so nice of you my sweet pea. It’s great to be surrounded by so many adoring fans. But you are the most special one. Srdjana has reported that there has been an outpouring of birthday wishes on my Facebook page. In this age of technology one has to keep up with the modern times as my fans are from far and wide.
BAWI: Indeed Sir. You do not seem to have too many fans from La Misere. We now need to follow in the footsteps of Ramadoss. He already has a website devoted to him and his Narcissus ego. It beats our State House site by far. Lizzy go check out www.drramadossseychelles.com. The man of many milestones is making his bid to unseat you Bwana. He is the man with a vision to change impossibilities into reality.
Mr. President: Ohh this gives me the runs man! I need a quickie in the little boy’s room so set the agenda for this birthday week and I’ll be back in a flash. (The President heads to the bathroom to get rid of this malaise and freshen up).
BAWI: So Lizzy what do you make of those latest blundering developments? It seems like we are propping up a liability. The general feeling is that he is a spent force. We are losing support by the day. He is now a one man party with a Jj spirit following. SPPF partisans have deserted us and Lepep is nowhere to be found.
Lizzy: Well Bawi, he has always been one man to me. He will always be mine no matter what. We are both bound together by the spirit.
The President is back in the briefing room with JoMo who has some latest waffle on the pressing issues that threaten to take down this presidency as he burst in a ‘Happy Birthday’ greetings sing along.
BAWI: A warm welcome to the abode Mr. Hot Potato JoMo - the man of many portfolios. Your latest performance in the La Misere saga is commendable. You have contained the anger with some shrewd moves. The best birthday present for the boss. You are a master of deceit and you can act tough despite your size.
JoMo: There are too many lives at stake Bawi. I need to ensure that peace and order is maintained at all times. I called the bluff of those protesters and turned the tables on them. We will now have no more disturbances. Ascon defecated on my doorstep as environment minister and I will now give them a good dose of my home affairs battalion.
Mr. President: I note that you got the 4x4 commissioner to issue the final warning. We have managed to placate all the wailing residents with the twelve thousand rupees, the makeshift clinic and now I have personally ordered ‘experts’ to come to their rescue. We had to wait for six months to ensure that the incubation period of the viruses is respected.
BAWI: I must admit that you have taken a lot of flak these past weeks JoMo. I gather that you drank a bottle of the shit water out of solidarity. I admire your tenacity when it comes to the final solution. I gather that you advocated planting a bomb at Maison du Peuple when you were on a mission in the SNP steering committee.
JoMo: Indeed Bawi. It is always best to go to the root of the problem. I am still convinced that we should blow up any elements that are hindering our progress. We cannot prosper if we have obstacles in our path. This presidency can do without the shackles of ‘Per Fondater’. We want to be what we want to be!
Mr. President: He is really the man of action and ruthless executioner. He took some decisive action while on Praslin to get rid of the makeshift pier that the big Green supporter erected. That’s why I gave him the added responsibilities of home affairs. He can clean house and is our extortionist par excellence.
JoMo: Sir, I have been brought up in the loyal guard dog mode and will defend my master till death do us part. No mission is dirty enough for my aptitude. We are the authority in the land and we intend to flex our muscles. We are the only ones allowed to do what we want with no planning permission or tender.
BAWI: I am amazed at your tenacity and ability to juggle all these hot potatoes with such dexterity. Your brain power is far superior to the whole cabinet put together. Sir, this man of many talents needs to be elevated to the post of designated minister.
Mr. President: He does not need any of these fabricated titles. I have already delegated him to handle the mammoth tasks. He is cleaning up house at IDC and keeping Glenny in check. We have now brokered a deal for our people to spend holidays on Silhouette and Remire.
JoMo: We can resort to radical methods if we have to. No one messes with this regime and I will see to it that we have no more disturbances before the next elections. The boys at Regar will squirm and I will not let them off the hook. This is a serious case of high treason and it cannot go unpunished.
Mr. President: You have to tread carefully my boy. They might open a lawsuit to get you to cough up the $4.5 million that you gifted to the Arabs who disappeared in a mirage in the Dubai desert. But your bullying tactics will surely overpower them. You’ve got them in a bind and we need to go for the kill.
BAWI: We cannot afford to lose anymore support Bwana. JoMo’s standoff with the protesters has not resolved much. It is now checkmate until they take to the streets again.
JoMo: You do not have to butt into my tactics Bawi. No more sympathy for the devil. Enough empathy, we will not drown in this delokaka. The whole nation is now on our side and cannot tolerate those ‘fouter dezord’ asking for millions anymore.
BAWI: Indeed JoMo. We can count our lucky stars to have you to wiggle us out of this mess. The movie took six months to produce and what a blockbuster it turned out to be. Bollywood would pay a fortune for the script you know. In fact, I will call on Ramadoss (who is an excellent role model in pursuing community conscious and citizen excellence-driven business models) to get his film company to promote and distribute this epic.
JoMo: The name is Bond! James Bond! On his majesty Sheik Khalifa’s secret service. With the collaboration of Lizzy as Pussy Galore, Bawi as Q, JP as Auric Goldfinger and your good self Sir as General Gogol.
BAWI: Sir, we have to end on a positive note with a personal message from your No. 1 fan Gus – “Happy Birthday dearest godfather n may u be blessed wit all the strength, determination, good health that u always need blah blah blah”! Man this guy can be an endless chatterbox...
Mr. President: Thank you, thank you! Great to see that I am still held in high esteem! And who said I should retire? All I need is a good break so I am out of here for the next two weeks (mentally at least!).

The latest twist and turn seems to have brought the desired results. The mobilization to contain the shrapnel from the exploding device on shitwater road has worked to perfection. The to and fro resulted in a makeshift compromise of cash, expert checkups and a provisional clinic - enough to placate the victims and tolerate the completion of our new deity’s palace. Allahu Akbar!

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

For a fascinating view of the Seychelles, you have to read the American Ambassador's now declassified memoirs at

http://memory.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/r?ammem/mfdip:@field(DOCID+mfdip2004fis01)

Scroll through about 2/3 of the way down to begin his view of Rene and Michel. Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

It makes terrible reading, when the inner workings of Albert Rene's regime are laid bare.

As for Ambassador Fischer, he tried to befriend the Rene regime to save the Tracking Station. In the process he grassed 2 young Seychellois who were subsequently tortured and murdered. He has to live with that for the rest of his life.

It is worrying to read that the American diplomats were betraying those who were trying to bring freedom and democracy to Seychelles and thought they could rely on the USA.

But like many who tried to get close to Rene and his party in its various guises, he too came to grief in the end. Serves him right.

Anonymous said...

The American Ambassador is telling us that Albert Rene was drug dealing in Seychelles and US.

Anonymous said...

"Freedom fighters one day, terrorists the next"..... Bin Laden amongst others were favoured "terrorists" as the US pumped billions of dollars into training and arming various Muslim groups to fight their proxy war with the soviets and in that 10 years, millions of individuals died and the costs to the Soviets in lives, treasure and prestige were enormous. Afghnanistan became a training ground for terrorists and fighters in other parts of the world too and was tolerated so long as they served Western interests in places such as Bosnia, Kosovo, Chenchnya, western China and many other parts in between.

Of course as with other America-backed militia groups, illegal drugs became a source of funding and heroin became a major driver of social problems in Western countries such as Australia, contributing to deaths from overdoses, AIDS, street crime and institutionalised corruption.

That trade was halted by the Taliban but since the re-invasion of that country in 2001 following 9/11, Opium production is again in full swing and it appears that it is finding its way back to those countries out of favour with the USA for example, Russia and Iran where AIDS and heroin addiction are serious and growing disasters.

And for you above baizeur pake to contemplate accusing FAR "dealing drugs" is nauseating. Ambassador Fischer can go jump or suck on an egg.

And by the way poofheads, the Tracking Station was dismantled as a cost saving excercise. Pine Gap in the north of Western Australia was also dismantled at the same time. TIKLO ki la and TIKLO pou touzour la.

Anonymous said...

Tikolor ,
If Tracking station was dismantled because of whatever reason, what has this to do with having Michel illegal gifting our land to Khalifa and illegally allowed him to biuld a bunker on top of our mountain that has become the landmark of our country?

Tikolor you sound tired,a good bottle of bak will surely blowv away the cobwebs.

Jeanne D'Arc

Anonymous said...

Any reasonable person reading Ambassador Fischer's interview would agree that it was very much blood and gore in the second republic. The ambassador was very close to Albert Rene.

He is telling us that Rene is a murderer and drug dealer, as many of us had thought all along.

I particularly enjoyed the bit where an apparently deranged Geva Adam was ranting down the phone to the ambassador and threatening him. I had a picture of Lady Macbeth's behaviour after one too many murder.

It was very gory.

Patrick X said...

Here's another nice advert for Seychelles:

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=15&art_id=vn20100821081711235C578792&singlepage=1

The government is mentioned here to have had Radovan Krejcir under their patronage. Such nice people.

Patrick X

Anonymous said...

"I believe that I face politically motivated persecution if returned to the Seychelles and that that country will likely hand me over summarily to the Czech Republic, where my life is in danger," Krejcir said in his affidavit.

Patrick X dont like this?

Anonymous said...

Dont forget to look at
http://www.withmaliceandforethought.com/pdf/seychelles.pdf

The leaked South African Truth Commission files which shows how the Seychelles oppositions was in bed with APARTHIDE.

Also how opposition hero use Rhodisian WHITE SUPREMIST to KILL Seselwa Rasin Lieutenant David Antat on our island.

How American diplomats work with APARTHIDE South Africa in secret.

And now these peoples claim to love our black ass!

Anonymous said...

Dont forget to look at

www.withmaliceandforethought.com/pdf/seychelles.pdf

The leaked South African Truth Commission files which shows how the Seychelles oppositions was in bed with APARTHIDE.

Also how opposition hero use Rhodisian WHITE SUPREMIST to KILL Seselwa Rasin Lieutenant David Antat on our island.

How American diplomats work with APARTHIDE South Africa in secret.

And now these peoples claim to love our black ass!

www.withmaliceandforethought.com/pdf/seychelles.pdf

Anonymous said...

People who went to Australia when only whites were being allowed into that country now claim to have a black ass. Australians should have asked these people to drop their trousers for a good check.

Ralph Volcere's claims that the regime are planning to kill him have a lot of credibility. The regime has form. The American ambassador -- who was very close to Rene -- confirms that Rene is just a tin pot killer.

Anonymous said...

Befor Mihailovich pass away a murder like Michel and co.He want to exile to Seychelles,this just show you that Rene have show Michel how to welcome all the mafia and how to work with criminels peoples.Just one other thing Amirican want to have VICTOR BOUT for amrs dealing in Thailand.Why there don't look in the case of James M 007 and bring him to justice also for arms dealing?A Criminel walking free?Michel do you no the film LORD OF WAR?YOU WILL BE THE RIGHT ONE TO PLAY THE ROLE IN THIS FILM.

Anonymous said...

AN ECONOMICAL SOLUTION TO THE DELOKAKA INCIDENT

IT's turning a negative social situation in terms of the delokaka incident into something that can benefit local people in the local area,"
The process requires putting a given amount of human waste " into a digester," which ferments it using bacteria to release methane gas that can be captured and then burned as fuel. Attached is a "compensating chamber" that replenishes the supply of bacteria to keep the operation self-sustaining.
So then you can use the 2000 indian workers at Khalfa's building site in a positive and sustainable way in producing free energy for La miser residents!

Look on the positive side of life.

The mad scientist

Patrick X said...

As said in another post, we are very resourceful indeed: Take all the shit at state house, combust it and we'll have enough power to generate enough electricity to air-condition the planet back to ice-age level. That way we can reclaim a lot of land and even build a highway between Mahé and Praslin and woooosh, we've also gotten rid of the Somali pirate problem.

Patrick X

Anonymous said...

What happened in Seychelles during the 2nd republic is no comedy. It is a tragedy.

Reading Ambassador Fischer's comments, one thing is very clear. When Albert Rene was not shitting in his pants with fear, he was planning abductions, knee-cappings and murders from State House.

After 30 years plus of SPPF and Parti Lepep, State House is now dirtier than Augean stables.

It is clear that once we get rid of Parti Lepep, the Augean State House will require a massive clean-up.

Perhaps the solution would be a herculean effort to divert Trois Freres river through State House to clean it up, in the same way that King Augea's stables were eventually cleaned after 30 years.

Patrick X said...

By sweeping it with the broom handle instead of the worn out green broom?

Anonymous said...

Fischer sound like a civil servant who screwed in Tanzania with a CIA covert mission. Because of this failure he was farm out to retire through ambassador post in dinky country of Seychelles. But of course like most people who mess up career he continue to believe he is an important position. Even when Washington send him a message from the Director of CIA to stop wasting their time with his paranoia and delusion every week he continue to build more fanciful conspiracy to keep his importance.

But he confirmed that the American did not pay for La Misere, they paid AID (BEGGING, CHARITY) and build a FREE airport in exchange for USA sovrinity of La Misere property and also to use Airport for US Nuclear Bombers which makes Seychelles a target for Nuclear attack. No planning permission for Tracking Station. No EIA for Tracking Station.

So this is different from Khalifa giving AID, and getting sovrinity of same La Misere property and to use Naval base for his bodyguard? At least Khalifa dont make Seychelles a military target for another superpower.

Only difference is the racist people preference for American not Arab. American dont want you racist ass donkey, understand that in your arrogant head.

At least Khalifa dont interfere in our internal politic. But Fischer have admit USA and the old WHITE South Africa help the Seselwa traitiors with sending RHODISIAN WHITE SUPREMIST MERCENARY to KILL SESELWA RASIN HERO DAVID ANTAT ON SEYCHELLES SOIL.

Anonymous said...

It appears the racinist creed is taking root in Seychelles i.e reference to SPPF sympathiser above saying that Antat is a 'rasin'

Vox

Anonymous said...

Right on bro, but as the saying go be careful what you wishes for. According principle of the Rasin Creed this people like the exile who send white foreigner to spill Rasin blood is collaborator and butcher. They must face justice from the Rasin people.

Sesel pou Seselwa!

Anonymous said...

When did Albert Rene stop dealing in drugs ?

We knew that SPPF were bringing drugs into the country. But it is reassuring to see the American Ambassador implicate Albert Rene and his Mafia chums.

And James Michel pretends that he does not know who the Escobars are !!!!!!

Didn't he notice that the Augean State House was reeking of that stuff when he moved in ?

Anonymous said...

Maybe Fischer smoke all the drugs. He appear to be high even 1998!

Anonymous said...

Seychellios it's time to remove the bad ruler.Rene&Micehl and co have been sucking your brains seen 32 years.
Today in the nation i just read Police leaders programme partners with British Academy for skills of local officers.Seychelles Police must not just have skill,Seychelles POLICE have to be clean also and say NO to corruption and they have to stop there DIRTY tricks,Police are taking money from those Escobar mostly on Praslin.For me all those Escorbars are jj spirit.Michel is one of the biggest Escobar on the island.

Johnny

Patrick X said...

Khalifa not interfering with our internal politics????? Does anybody remember why the Coco-de-Mer stamp was removed from immigration?

Patrick X

Anonymous said...

First of all who knows Kalifa order this? And second since when is shape of immigration stamp political in any country? Nowhere its debated in parliament. For you everything is political!

Patrick X said...

I believe that even in Seychelles the department of immigration is controlled by politicians. And is it not coincidential that the stamp was removed without any official explanation as to why and that at the time Khalifa was invading with his Ascon army?

Maybe you can tell us all why the stamp was removed.

Patrick X

Anonymous said...

We love it -- we really do -- whenever Joel Morgan summons an SBC camera crew to defend whatever is left of his honour and integrity.

One interview under a Bodanmyen tree this week was primarily for Morgan to protest that he is no liar. The short man knows that we know he is short on the truth. Methinks Morgan doth protest too much !

The ASCON saga has not helped him either, as he tried to steer a path between helping La Misere residents on the one hand and kowtowing as usual to Sheikh Khalifa on the other.

But even when he is protesting too much, Morgan did let slip that ASCON had walked away from negotiations with him and ASCON had gone incommunicado. This is something that the government had not admitted before. But we knew that all along, in the same way that we can tell when Morgan is telling porkies.

Now we are being told that the government has asked the UAE government to intervene and force ASCON back to the negotiating table. Many of us do not see the difference beween UAE, Sheikh Khalifa and ASCON. It is their attempt to make an academic distinction between these three bodies that got the government in the shit in the first place -- and got Morgan under a Bodanmyen tree with an SBC camera crew to say he is not a liar.

Anonymous said...

This must be a first for Seychelles and the world.

A dead drug dealer in New York is found with the private phone number of the president of a country.

The question has been asked before. But Albert Rene has not answered.

What was Rene's phone number doing in the pocket of a dead drug dealer in New York ?

It would be fair to deduce from this that Albert Rene was dealing in drugs. If not, he should explain.

Anonymous said...

This only Rene and his mafia can answer this question soon or later he have to and face justice.

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