Thursday, November 4, 2010

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

("A political satire based on actual events as portrayed through the state controlled media")
‘Nou pre, nou lwen!
The president’s hectic schedule sees the ‘man of the people’ district hopping to try and contain his waning popularity while sustaining the travel escapades in style. A stopover in Montreux to rub the French the right way is crowned by a second audience with ‘Il Papa’. All the Emperor’s sins need to be absolved so that the good Sheik can settle in and protect us from all evil...
Mr. President: Good morning my faithful flock! ‘Bonzour Sesel’! Bon fet zot tou! En lizye lo le pase en lot lo lavenir! I have cemented another milestone with Sarkozy and we’ll see plenty of money flowing for the promotion of ‘la langue Franςaise’ in my empire.
BAWI: Cet oun tre bonn inisyativ patron! The French fully support our ‘Kreolité’ and were quite impressed with the young dynamic team that JenPa assembled for you. The linguistic pact that you signed will take us to another level and we hope to learn a lot from the Frenchies.
Lizzy: Well let’s hope that our people do not get ideas and adopt this mentality of taking to the streets. This is also part of their culture you know. But in this administration it is the executive that takes to the streets. We are in tune with the pulse if this nation with our district visits.
BAWI: Sir! Lizzy (our district visits mastermind) is mapping everything out with precision. Since we have lost Praslin, she made sure that we secure La Digue. Anse Etoile was more to give Ramka a kick in the teeth. When things fall apart, we get a scapegoat and rub their nose in.
Mr. President: ‘Bondye y avek nou dan nou voyaz’. The Pope gave me all the blessings needed for another five years. The last time I met him I was inspired to deal a sanguine blow to the voices of free speech on the steps of the assembly. This time I will crack down on all those who do not vote for me in the coming elections. I have absolute confidence in its outcome…
BAWI: Oh Bwana! I also note that the tentacled Orderly has been dropped as the ambassador to the Holy See. Bendictus has agreed to bring the ‘Trwa Frer’ cross down and you managed to sell him the idea of a Mosque at the base. Our Highness will be happy and can disburse a few more dollars to solve out water and gas problems.
Mr. President: Indeed! That’s the strategy Bawi boy. You take stock of the problems on the ground, throw mud on a few culprits and seek the solutions overseas. This is how an Emperor functions. Get an Aladdin to work the magic lamp and produce some genies! The latest one out is the Doctor Minister who has never seen so much generosity coming out of the desert in her lifetime.
Lizzy: Oh honey! You have the magical potions to solve everything. You managed to uncover an Escobar cartel and clean up the drug infestation ‘dan leo’ Anse Etoile. Police need to be more active and we deliberately avoided a visit to the dilapidated ‘kordgard’.
BAWI: This selective thinking is working wonders! A visit to the La Gogue dam would have been an embarrassment. No water and no gas makes Jack an angry boy. Now JoMo has another bomb in his lap as the pirates have hijacked our LPG consignment.
Mr. President: Oh not to worry. In the true spirit of our culture we will bring back the ‘lakwizin tradisyonel’! There is plenty of dead wood around. And soon all households will be equipped with solar powered cookers and ovens from Abu Dhabi and like the desalination plants, our gas problem will be history.
Lizzy: We need to take better care of our old folks. The deplorable state in which our ‘twazyenm az’ are living in at Anse Etoile is unacceptable. We need to pull up our socks! According to my files, the one responsible is our new candidate for the coming elections. Good work indeed!
Mr. President: I am so disappointed that our MNAs are failing us. They are indulging too much in their own private business and Meritus is too focused on the youth to care about the old folks. Now he says that everyone has to play a part to tackle the constraints.
BAWI: We need to focus on the positives Bwana. Our ‘forom ekonomik’ was a great success. With JenPa pushing through the economic diplomacy and Ramadoss turning the Indian Ocean into a free trade platform we have a win-win formula.
Mr. President: Indeed Bawi! Il faut être proactif et innovateur. ‘Nou pre, nou lwen’! All the islands will soon be united with a little vanilla flavor. We have EU supporting us with another 2 million Euros next year.
Lizzy: Oh I just love the smell of vanilla! It brings in the millions. But Ramadoss put us to shame as he can hardly speak English let alone French and I wonder how he can lead us for integration into the Indian Ocean.
BAWI: Oh well, he is Indian enough! We have Dolor as vice to push him through. His broken French and neocolonial upbringing is the key. We can enlist both of them to take crash courses now that we have signed this Francophonie pact in Montreux.
Mr. President: The Prima Lady also made the news in Malaysia. Caring for our little treasures is a noble cause and her youthful demeanor has attracted us the right attention on the world stage. The press in the east has been drooling over her…
Lizzy: Oh she has infected all her peers with her enthusiasm. You are such a lucky president to be surrounded by women of substance. We now need to tackle all those hooligans who are attacking our schools and harassing our kids and destroying that image.
BAWI: All is under control. MySuzy and Bon Kestyon have been dispatched to diffuse the situation. We cannot allow our kids to be terrorized. I will see to it that Danny allocates additional funds in next year’s budget to ensure sophisticated security devices are installed in all schools.
Mr. President: Good idea Bawi. Our water dilemma will soon be a major problem as well. I have sought the help of his Highness and soon the Antonov cargo planes will resume their daily flights with consignments of bottled water for the desert kingdom. My empire needs to be saved come hell or high water.
BAWI: Sir the good Captain should also seek a solution to our gas problem. We have so many tankers on the high seas with a green one doing the Praslin run and yet we are not able to bring in our own consignment. The old man needs to retire from Seypec and focus more on his golfing.
Mr. President: I cannot intervene in this area Bawi. We are dealing with local royalty and they do not conform to my empire’s laws. I cannot wrestle with the Adam and Savy clan and risk being deposed. I have a legacy to protect at all cost.
BAWI: OK Bwana. Indeed, you don’t mess with ‘Per Fondater’. I note that you ended up catching a few small fish in the fight on corruption and got a bollocking when you tried to open the army’s Pandora box.
Mr. President: I need to put on a little show as the Weekly is uncovering too much sleaze. All this is landing on my back and I need a tortoise shell for protection. Let’s just leave all the sordid details out of the equation for the time being. It is best left under the carpet as much as possible.
With all these local ‘Wiki-leaks’ it seems that the Jj Empire is being seriously threatened by the crusade for transparency and democracy. Heads cannot be allowed to roll in this war on corruption. Will it be the straw to break the camel’s back? Fafer i sal! Danny is wooing IMF to use the surplus to maintain our welfare state so that we can keep the blindfolds on…












22 comments:

Anonymous said...

PP has already lost Praslin especially after the destruction of the environment at P`tit Zil and the third attempted by SEPEC to gassed our school children on Eve island.

Michel is running from post to pillar begging the world in our names ,with the hope of collecting some extra dollars(more debts for our country)in order to sponsor PP election campaign.But on the ground here at home whether it is at La Misere or other part of the country the people on the streets want one thing ,get rid of PP as soon as possible.The people want justice and chance.

Jeanne D^Arc

Anonymous said...

Word on the streets of Mahe, Praslin and La Digue is that Christopher "Twistopher" Gill the Master of Vilification has been upsetting the very few Supporters of the "Racine-Racist Mouvement" on such a grand scale that they are deserting him in droves for the simplest reason that the Twistrofer has been and is still a very, very, very "loose cannon."

TIKLO has always maintained that Chris in his own mind thinks that he is so close, and yet Chris is so FAR away.

Anonymous said...

TIKLO Proxy For Rene The Butcher-

I did not write this State House Anytime, why do you attack me with false Statments?

There is no word on the street, in fact on the streets, people ask me for a copy of MSR Manifesto and instructions to where the office is to register, because they believe in Sesel Pou Seselwa!

Everyday, more Seychellois are moving to MSR. They are SPUP, SPPF, SNP, DP, NDP Boulle supporters all meeting at MSR.

Why Tiklo? Because we say, Seychellois must stop vilifying each other to please Michel, Ramkalawan and others without a plan.

Sesel Pou Seselwa will keep Seychelles, for Seychellois.

You SPPF PL SNP's? Who did you think Seychelles is for? Khalifa?

Khalifa can go home!

Did you think Seychelles is for South African Heegar and Eden Island residents?

If so, and they do not respect our laws and our people, they can go home!

SESEL POU SESELWA!

Say once TIKLO!

I am waiting.

Christopher Gill

Anonymous said...

Tikolor,
MSR is the movement that is really moving forward .MSR gains impetus because it has a strong and recognizable and public-spirited leader.MSR has been able to and continues to reach bigger audiences and convince them on a daily basis of one hand of the bad politics of PP but also the good social and political aims of the movement.Something the opposition have not been able to delivered so far.
MSR is a movement that we do not just have to comment on but supported it,Tikolor,becuase it is the only real and serious political movement that can bring real chance and restore democracy in this land,and bring orders in our institution infested and corroded by PP communist wicked practices.The wind of chance is blowing, Tikolor ,no one can stop it not even by intimidation nor by the barrel AK 47 as in 1977.
My piece of advice to you ,stop with these bottles of BAKA and get yourself prepare physical and mentally, in order that you can live the chance to come.

Jeanne D'Arc

Anonymous said...

And who the hell are you Gill to even suggest that HRH Shiekh Khalifa should go home?.

And Gill, who are you to suggest that a Mosque cannot be built to serve Muslim Security Personel?.

And Gill, in one breath you quote our constitution as the Voice of the Nation and in the same breath, you vilify and demand that a certain good friend in HRH Khalifa "should go home?." Why are you Chris Gill allowed to violate our constitution with impunity?. Is it because you happen to be the son of Mickee Mancham and is a protected species?.

And Chris Gill....go suck a kounounou until your forked tongue gets red.

Everybody is welcomed dan leO kot TIKLO lives the good life dan son bitation.

Anonymous said...

Tiklo Proxy For Rene The Butcher-

Sheik Khalifa is not my king, and UAE is not my country.

Seychelles is not his country. If he does not pay his $300 Million in taxes, and if he does not cancel the funding of the base to house his troops, he can go home!

Christopher Gill

Patrick X said...

Tikolor, what gives most immunity? Being the son of Mickey Mancham, being the stepson of Albert Rene or being a simple son of a bitch like yourself?

Please advise us all on the matter

PaTeX

Anonymous said...

We are Seychellois in a sovereign land call Seychelles and we alone decide who will or can stay in our land.Not Khalifa and not PP.

Khalifa must and will go home once pp is brought to its knees.And no one in the world will come to tell us what should we do or the contary.
Khalifa go home now for Seychelles is for Seychellois not Arabs nomads.

Jeanne D`Arc

Anonymous said...

Tikolor yes the Constittution is the voice of the Nation, now show us where it is stated in it that Michel the donkey, has the right to gifted the land of its people for One devaluated rupee to a Bedouin .Tell us which in article is that stipulated or if you cannot maybe Govinden can help you with it .
Khalifa is not a friend of Seychelles we never asked him to be our friend nor did we invited him on our shores and i am not sure Seychllois even want a friend with archaic ways of thinking as this Bedouin.Khalifa is not a friend of Seychelles he is a despot who want, with the help of this donkey call Michel to annexe our sovereign land.

If you have not get it Tikolor,again SESEEL POU SESELWA .

Jeanne D^Arc

Anonymous said...

TIKLO i dir zot ki zot telman kouyon et i pa pou tir zot dan zot kouyon.

And now we have another Seychellois in Mr. Gappy being subjected to such vilification by no other than Twist-Tofer Gill and his band of merry gay men known on this site as Rooters.

Anonymous said...

TIKLO there already is one Mosque in Victoria, so why do we need another? Change is happening all around Seychelles, sleepy nations are finally waking up to thieving , corrupt dictators who care for no one but themselves and rule by force and manipulating electoral registers. Seychelles time is coming too so watch out.

Anonymous said...

Change is happening all around Seychelles, sleepy nations are finally waking up to thieving , corrupt countries who care for no one but themselves and rule by force and manipulating public opinion. Who supported and trained Saddam Hussain, Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban?

SESEL POU SESELWA, PA POU ROOTERS!

Anonymous said...

Chris Gill and his gutter politics are dead and buried.

And Gill, you don't have to take my word for it. Every body from Kodevar to La Ri Bazar ya dir ou si ou croire mon manti or si ou croire mon lalang. All you have to do is ask around and they will say "Christ who?????...Rasin Who?."

Anonymous said...

It is all the contary,MSR is becoming so powerful that PP is doing everything possible , of course illegaly,to deny the movement its right to biuld a new party.If it was what you predict then why is PP so afraid to allow MSR from registering .

Jeanne D'Arc

Anonymous said...

Dont overlook the "knights of Malta".Michel did not receive their dubious "award" for nothing...They are the next ones to "buy big" in Seychelles.If the Sheik gets cold feet here - the Knights would be too happy to install and register their own NATION in his palaces at La Misere. As seen in the past no one could stop the land transfer from the Sheik to the Knights of Malta!
I even wonder if the Sheik is not building the huge compound for the purpose of selling it to the Knights soon after...
In 1976 the Knights were chasing Mancham to sell them a large piece of land or an island (Takamaka or Police Bay were on the list) so they finally would create and establish their NATION on a piece of land and not on paper only, as is the case since about 500 years
after Napoleon removed them from Malta.
In 1977/1978 Rene refused to sell them the land and let them register their "NATION" here in Seychelles. They did not give up-Michels "Malta-award" is proof for that !!
CONNECT THE DOTS AND WAIT AND SEE.

Anonymous said...

Fairness,justice with transparency and social change is required and is of utmost importance in the seychelles
If it does not happen,by 2020 Seychelles will be worst than poorest African continent,
we need to stop this derailment,of our island home,culture and well-being.
we need policy that works for all the citizens,regardless of creed race,sex or religion
why not give it a try it appears that there is nothing to lose but a lot to gain.
Lets support each other instead,,,especially the brave ones that is putting their lives at risks to bring about changes in the Seychelles
Working as a team will ensure the positive results.

Anonymous said...

You right Sir,
That is the basis of democracy and that our people wanted in1976 when they decided to take independence and built a democratic society ,to accomplice exactly what you have mentioned but unfortunately a gang of criminals took the arms and raped our will because they thought in a democractic and free society they won>'t be able to rob us.In fact all you stated is stipulated in our constitution we just have to put it into practice.And to put it into practice.In order to do that we must end the dictation of PP which is acriminal organization.

Jeanne DÂrc

Anonymous said...

Jeanne D^Arc I'm woman too.
I believe it won't be hard to bring forward social change in Seychelles that is because we have a small populations and we also have some smart intelligent Seychellios/e if given the opportunity and a conducive working environment can bring about change in few years.
we use to be a proud nation with dignity,it appears that these days we have no pride at all .we are beggars on the world stage .
we need to turn this around we can do it.We have the intelligence.

Anonymous said...

Tikolo are you a tranvestite?

Anonymous said...

We Seychellois who are opposing Pp are in fact in a way planning for a day when we don^t need to hold out our hands for alms.We want to be a people who can fend ourselves,while PP thinks fending ourselves is something to avoid.But isn^t self-reliance a noble goal?Over-reliance on charity as PP likes is leading us in to dependency and lack of motivation. Though we certainly need help and support from different Nations and people,we must not rely entirely on any one or the other to become our patrons.It is not a question of not taking helps,but of differentiating between necessary aid and pathetic dependency, which is turning us into neo-colonialism .That is why it is time for our people to cast way the patron-seeking mentality and stand up for ourselves.

Jeanne D^Arc

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