Monday, March 2, 2009

State House Anytime Now - Pou Koste pa pou Koste?

State House Anytime Now

Pou Koste pa pou Koste??

Orderly has a very good feeling about this year’s theme. It was launched with much fanfare recently and gave the right impression to the people at large. This President is really modelling himself as the ‘Seychellois Obama’! Now that he has nominated his various boards and ‘camouflaged’ it with a few names from the other camp, the deal is on. They will all have to Koste and forget about our economic woes. Even Mancham with his idea of a government of National Reconstruction is already a dead rat!

Orderly: Sir, now I understand why you have instructed Danny to inflate the State House budget from 20 to 30 million this year. You are getting cleverer and more cunning by the day. Even the old man seems to think that you are getting a firmer grip on things. I have just been advised that you are setting up your MNA team for the next elections and weeding out those that have lost hope or cajole those that are now sitting on the fence. We all know that it is only Mitzy who will die in that chair come what may, with her large selection of red dresses.

President: What do you mean Orderly? We still have control over both the TV and press media and there is no way anyone can bring the true picture of our failings to the people. I had the radio matter expedited very early by the courts and we have bought off the people at Regar to tone them down so that we can see some freedom of the press on the surface. I will now make it a point to ensure that the leader of the opposition meets with most of the diplomatic corps to give him some importance and also sing the ‘Koste’ song to them!

Orderly: But sir, we still need to figure out how to deal with those guys at Weekly. They seem to see through everything we do. They would also want to see some changes but those that are fundamental in bringing in a real democracy of accountability and transparency. Not those cosmetic ones that we are orchestrating from State House.

President: You do not have to be too worried about that Orderly. Our message goes to the grassroots via SBC, Nation and a free People. They still have to struggle with printing in Mauritius. My administration has taken a lot of cues from these guys and hence you will see some cleaning up this year. I am slowly getting rid of those tentacles that seem to be shackling down the Jj Spirit. Mukesh is now gone, out of the picture…

Orderly: Indeed Sir, and if you believed in God, Glenny might have followed as a few weeks ago one of the IDC planes that he was in made a belly landing  as the landing gear failed. I tell you the fat cats indeed have nine lives. We now have to pray for the little boy’s toy helicopter to stall in mid air on its regular trips to Zil Pasyon.  

President: We will slowly put them out of the picture my boy. As soon as the old man collapses we will have our own team running the show and we can call it the new ‘transparency and accountability’ team of the President for all Seychellois – James Alix Michel. Then I will give them the full story of how I had my hands bound and my eyes blindfolded all this time that the old man was around… You see, I have even cajoled some of the opposition members to join up in this Koste exercise. Even our friend Georges had the honour to present the revised constitution to me at the launching ceremony!!

Orderly: Indeed Sir, I can see that you are already planning for the future. MNA Volcere from Praslin got his wish to visit Rodrigues by picking up his tickets (business class) at Air Seychelles – courtesy of State House. This is indeed the Jj spirit at work – greasing them to ensure that they stay loyal and start the campaign going. The last time you were on your favourite Ile des Palmes you brought Liz along as part of the entourage as she wanted be in the limelight but incognito! She had those cool goggles shades on and no one even noticed her…

President: I am also cleaning up on other fronts Orderly. The police force will soon be headed by my Irish confidants. Since I have invited them to do the famous Reily report, they all want to extend their stay in Paradise. So you see, you get a two for one deal. You ask them to do a report, they execute it with professionalism and then you offer them a job. Since they are already retired what better deal can they ask for? So you get them to shut up and execute what you want them to do and they all report directly to me. In this case I have control of everything. It comes as a blessing in disguise for the Irish you see as they are all retired and a fat salary in forex in a Paradise like Seychelles is a bonus. Even the old man could not exercise so much control of this country on all fronts.

Orderly: I get your drift Sir. Indeed brilliant strategic thinking. We go back to the colonial days when the police force was under the direct command of the Governor. Now that the army is a bit ‘wobbly’ and the old man’s bogey men will soon be retiring, it is best to breath in some new life in the police force and push the army back to their barracks or reinforce the navy to do a better job at preserving our ‘blue gold’.

President: You are really my intellectual sidekick Orderly. I am so glad that I plucked you out of the Maison Queau de Quincy. My last trip to Abu Dhabi for the Energy conference was viewed as a milestone. The speech (thanks to you guys on my team), was applauded by all the invited dignitaries and they all wanted to know how a tiny country like Seychelles copes with all these grand ideas of alternative energy. The desalination plants program was a grandiose idea of the old man and millions have disappeared into numerous pockets. We have to come up with better and more renewable sources. Soon we will have all these windmills on our mountains harnessing all this wind power. We even have made experiments with ‘labour koko’ and it is a great source of energy (you remember the Selwyn Gendron experiment!). We can also revive that.

Orderly: I heard a passing comment from the old man that you should start setting up an office either in Doha or Abu Dhabi! I think he is starting to get irate with all these trips you are doing in the gulf and coming back empty handed. Look at this surveillance plane we got from them in 2007 and it is only now in 2009 that it is fully operational. Don’t tell me that these loaded Arabs could not give it to us fully equipped with cameras and all the sophisticated gear all in one go. We gave this guy all this land for one rupee and the least he could do was give us at least 2 or 3 F-16 fighters!

President: I know Orderly! These guys as so tight fisted… They are great with their hospitality (I’ve had enough of their dates and strong coffee), welcoming you like a king and when you leave it’s just a measly couple of million dollars! This is not enough to bail us out. But they are also having their own problems. Business has come to a halt in Dubai and Abu Dhabi is bailing them out. So we might not see any Arab investment here for a while now. Our best bet is to massage Siva a little bit more…

Orderly: No worries Sir. You will soon have to come out with the truth about where all this money has gone and hopefully it will be around the time for the next elections and you will chastise those that have paid themselves fat bonuses. The Jj foundation will have taken root and the new generation will see you as the only hope for the future. Remember that we are modelling ourselves on the Obama campaign. With all the internet facilities we are putting at their disposition, there is no chance at missing out on the message… while we continue with our monthly ‘Renkont avec Prezidan’ on SBC for the older grassroots.

The President fully endorses Orderly’s assessment and orders him to tap into a few more of his Irish contacts to fill in some other key positions in government. The best way to run this country should be modelled on the colonial days. Get key loyal officers to execute the Governor’s orders. The President has always imagined himself as a Governor (as he surrounds himself with pictures of past governors in his office) and perhaps after this failed struggle and busted economy that has gone on for 32 years, it is time to re-adopt a colonial system… James Michel style…

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