Sunday, March 29, 2009

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now - Secretary of State Fired

Secretary of State (SOS) Fired…Behind the scenes reality & the final showdown.

Things have been heating up to boiling point as the infighting in the Michel regime hits closer to home. The united face of State House is now being exposed and JenPa who is being pushed forward as the shooting star of the apparatchik is determined to see off Orderly in this power struggle. As PS (Posterior Shooter) he will not allow this boozer loser to insult his family and denigrate his boss who is prepping him up for a starring role in his admin. S.O.S the final showdown...

JenPA conveniently early at the office to plot the lynching of Orderly: Good morning Mr. President. I could hardly get a shut eye last night as I was tapping into all my intellectual penetration of a peach fuzz chick to come up with one of the most accomplished works to date at State House – your letter of acceptance of Orderly’s ‘resignation’ Sir. We have again stage-managed the affair very well and details will be available in our next newsletter.

President: Good Morning JP! Good work indeed. I am about to lose my right hand but I can see that we are from the reptile stock. Not only can we be chameleons, we can also be lizards. Another right hand will grow from that stump and it will be business as usual right?

JenPA: Yes Sir. You now have a newer generation of dedicated puffs and water pourers between “PooPoo” and me. We will never spend precious time courting the ladies and downing bottle loads of whiskey (although I have a bit of a fetish for my beer bottle). We remain focussed on the tasks at hand. We are here to serve you. We have all the right connections to ensure that you maintain the right presidential high-flying lifestyle. You can count on us! We will NEVER spill the beans...!

President (consulting his CCTV monitor): He is now in his office so call him in and we will get this over and done with. I like this young attitude of yours. Full of sparkling, whirling energy!

Orderly is summoned. He gulps his cup of coffee and gazes out the window to take in his final vista of those beautiful State House grounds - The stage for so many events during his torrid tenure as S.O.S to the lamest President in our small country’s history. History will judge him accordingly as he has devoted more than a quarter century of his life to prepping up this socialist regime. His studies in Yugoslavia are proof enough that he is a revolutionary at heart. He decides to adopt a Che Guevara (hero) approach as he takes them on with dignity.

Orderly: Good morning Comrades! All good things have to come to an end! My colourful tenure in this majestic abode is now over and I have some exciting prospects to look forward to.

President: It is with profound sadness that you will no longer hold my hand to guide me through the storms ahead Orderly. But you have been the lynchpin of several controversial conspiracies that have unfortunately caught up with you.

JenPA: I have prepared your letter to formalise your ‘resignation’. Sans rancune mon ami! But take this as a lesson. It is a bad practice to shit on your own doorstep. You are prone to some very erratic behaviour when the Irish whiskey goes to the head (which is now a permanent trait in you). You need help my friend. Take a permanent vacation and go look after this wiry body and replenish these dying brain cells. All your dues and compensation has been provided for in forex. The golden handshake treatment is in order.

Orderly: It sounds like a page of the scenario straight from Madagascar. This amounts to a Coup d’Etat from a young upstart with no experience. The international community will not view this in a good light and I intend to take my case to the likes of SADC and COMESA...

President: You are a well intentioned man, but you will go quietly like ChangLeng did. I am indebted to you for having nurtured the right diplomatic culture within this Presidency. You have set the right standards for our younger generation to follow. You have been a master at organizing the Presidential visits abroad (especially with the choice of high class call girls). But JP has proven to be a more trustworthy genius. He always covers up and keeps his mouth shut. You have been singing to too many people and exposing my weaknesses to the likes of Ogilvy. You were promoted to be my S.O.S as a reward for keeping these secrets under wraps. But you have betrayed me Orderly.

JenPA: You have been shooting your mouth too much my man! You were conniving with Sosis at Central Bank to let him off the hook and now he is on the loose. We know all the scams that you have been up to. He has rewarded you with a seat on the IOT board and you are now earning a nice fat forex package. We consider you as a key scammer in this whole Lehman Brothers fiasco for all your cover up of Chang-Leng and misinforming the President all along. You are the one who put the word atheist out. And the label has stuck. Your drinking problem has gotten the better of you. You are no longer able to manage the agenda of the busiest man of these beautiful islands and you made a ‘manze koson’ out of one of the most important State of the Nation addresses in our country’s history!

President: You also overstepped your boundaries Orderly! You cannot take on old boss and the SPPF party as long as Danny Boy and Co is still around. You played with fire my man! Indeed we are engulfed in corruption but you took it on too seriously. We are masters at paying lip service to all these accusations. Up to now, we had put on the right front.

JenPA: And you should learn once and for all that you do not take on the powerful Adam and Savy clan. The tankers and Seypec are indeed linked to the Corvina group, Lemuria, Ephelia, Praslin Express, Land Marine, Mahe Shipping, Big Tankers, Small Tankers and even 7-Degrees South. But we should let the people believe that they are only rumours. You see what I mean by shitting on your own doorstep my man? Your wifey enjoys the comforts of this set up but your drunkenness blinded you on that one...

Orderly: But guys, what happened to our mission of promoting a clean administration? ‘Judge me by my action’ was our motto when we entered State House. We wanted to rid this system of all the corruption, abuse and sleaze. I wanted to take Danny Boy to task so that we could make headway but it seems that you are all swimming in this same broth. As for the Adams, Captain will sink the country with this horde of tankers while his pockets burst with all these fancy hotel projects with his Mauritians golfing friends. Enough is enough the people out there are saying. I will have to follow my conscience my good friends. Corruption is the root of all evil and I will not be part of this charade.

President: Not so fast Orderly. We have proof that you took $ 150,000 to get a passport for one foreigner. Our telephone bugging confirms that you were also on to some murky deals. You are as red hot as we are. We know of your connections with Wavel. It is thanks to you that we could not catch him out this time around. We wanted to call your bluff by having an inflatable lookalike at Anse Etoile but decided on the empty chair scenario instead.

JenPA: So my dear Alain. We share your grief and disillusionment at this unfortunate turn of events. I am now being called upon to step into your shoes and I intend to execute my duties in the most tight-butted and tight-lipped fashion to save this Presidency!

Orderly (reduced to tears but maintaining his philosophical persona & composure): Mr. President Sir! I wish your disintegrating administration all the courage and vision for your final descent into the abyss. I will take up my new job as silent advisor to my old Seyco school pal Wavel to feed his appetite with all the juicy morsels that your clique has spitted out during my tenure at this beautiful abode. I am leaving behind a bevy of broken hearts that will bleed until the ultimate reckoning. As for you my dear upstart JP, your time has come indeed. I can see a bright future ahead of you – the shooting star!! As you shoot from behind, you will probably assume the new Orderly role. But those tight pants and shirts to show off your swimmer body will attract a new breed of fairy tails to take this State House and our embittered President into a new galaxy of lies and deceit. You will spin until your butt will be out of yarn...then your turn will come to.  Remember that Albert Rene did the same thing.  He used everyone around him, made them do illegal things, and then threw them out knowing that he had enough on them that they would keep their mouths shut forever.  So bide my wise words, your time will come sooner than later.  And Mr. President, remember that you are the only left of ex-President Rene’s old stock.  Just remember that too when it all falls apart.  As Daniel Belle said in his song: “ADIEU”.

Orderly begs his final painful leave, his breath on fire from the last half-bottle of Irish whiskey (lovely gift from his sister) that he downed before the final confrontation. He had sensed all along that JenPa would be a traitor. He had the famous scenes of ‘Julius Ceaser’ play out in his head the whole night... ‘E tu Brute’ he thought of JenPa’s betrayal... ‘Then falls Orderly with the knife stuck in his back…’.

 

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