Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Capacity building & drastic measures

With the Seychelles economy bankrupt and complaints from every district, the spin doctors are wracking their brains to coin some new terminologies to baffle ‘Lepep’. Now that Danny is scoring some points on his ‘wannabe president scorecard’ and running away with ‘A new mindset’, James Michel has reinforced his communications team to brainstorm on his new vernacular. Hmmm, ‘capacity building’ will go down well in these desperate times and we need some ‘drastic measures’ to combat all the ‘fleo’ haunting us…

JenPa: A very good morning to you Sir! June is a pretty dry month. Not too much happening on the diplomatic front except for a few visiting warships. At least we have a few public holidays in order to reinforce your presence on the TV screen and in the print media.

Mr. President: A very happy birthday to you my dear son! One this June 12^th 2009. You are at the ripe young age of 32 with a bright future ahead of you. I was 34 when we took up arms. And today I am sixty four. Despite my age of retirement, I am still full of life and energy. I will retire at the age of 74 after seeing off another mandate. You will then be in your forties and ready to take over.

JenPa: Sir, I am terribly grateful. You are the best mentor I have ever had. But the statistics and data collected in the districts does not seem to illustrate that the future looks bright. There is a total breakdown in the law enforcement system and the thugs are taking over. I did hear a lot of gunshots when I was still in mama’s womb in 1977. I almost had a nightmare the other night when I heard those shots ring out again close to some of my folks’ house.

Mr. President: No need to miss out on your sleep over that one JP. There will never be another coup d’état in this country. We have made history. I had to live up to my word of taking drastic measures to curb this wave of crime in the country. So, short of calling a state of emergency, old boss ordered that we shoot to kill. These escapees are a real threat to our royal family and Princess Anonyme was harassed and almost attacked. She had to hand away her handbag and run for her life. This is what you get for messing with the monarchs. Let this be a lesson to everyone.

JenPa: Sir, I am happy to report that our capacity building is in full swing on all levels. Since you ordered the exercise to be carried out, we have reinforced in all sectors. We have obtained new slush funds to add to your defence budget. We all know that the ‘vann swet’ will keep the pirates at bay but Barry has put one past those silly E.U bureaucrats. Capacity building is also being carried out in the districts to empower the authorities to take a greater management responsibility role.

Mr. President: Indeed JP. I am sick and tired at having to entertain all these people in the districts when these guys are appointed to do a job. They need to work for ‘Lepep’ and be held accountable. We cannot allow all this dead wood to gather moss. Let them fend for themselves as we have no more money to give out. We need all the cash if we are to call a snap election and keep Danny at bay.

JenPa: OK Sir. But I am sure that we can extract a lot more money if we can live up to our promise of putting the Escobars behind bars. There is a mountain of slush funds out there that we can lay our hands on to fund any campaign. Plenty of car hires, boats and mansions like you said yourself.

Mr. President: I know JP. It’s been a while since I made this promise but like all my promises, they turn out to be false. I know it is a sign of weakness. But it feels so good to see people so relieved when you make them promises. The thing with the Escobars is that they are some of the pillars of our ‘Parti Lepep’ and to take them out means we all crumble under the rubble, plus do not forget the contribution they make with their millions for the beer and burger parties!

JenPa: Hmmm… a little bit a poetic justice I can sense here. Well, we’ll have to make do with all this newfound culture of vices. It has now become part and parcel of our people’s mentality. And we are the people. We are ‘Parti Lepep’. We are embracing all nationalities, backgrounds and customs. Unity in diversity! This is the new motto of our young dynamic team upholding your reign ‘Mr. Commander in Chief’ Sir.

Mr. President: I am delighted to note that we have a nice little addition to our media team. The little Serbian girl has the brains and the looks and I will melt in front of the camera when I get interviewed by her, just like our French friend Tretout with his big gut and tongue hanging out. But remember to remind me to dye my moustache before I go on air in a CNN World Report show. Need to look impeccable and young. Obama might be watching.

JenPa: Sir, talking of Obama…Tsvangirai managed to meet up with him and squeeze $75 million dollars for Mugabe. This is indeed a fabulous diplomatic coup for a bankrupt country that was enduring sanctions.

Mr. President: Yes. Bob told me that he was sent on a mission. I have been trying to get a meeting with Obama but he has been brushing me off. He is not even interested by an invitation to stay at the world’s top resort on North Island.

JenPa: Sir, I have a brilliant idea. Obama is looking for a place to unload those Guantanamo Bay prisoners. Why don’t we bring them to Seychelles in exchange for $800 million Dollars just like that Pacific island Palau did?

Mr. President: Oh JP, that would be great. But if we can’t even guard a few Seychellois prisoners at Montagne Posee, how are we to watch over those Al-Queda terrorists?

JenPa: That’s so true Sir. This prison affair is truly out of hand. But perhaps we can work the same trick as Mugabe. Let’s send Wavel and Obama might meet with him and give him a few millions to get us out of the mess. He seems to have a lot of sympathy with all those who have been beaten on the head.

Mr. President: Wavel is staying his ground JP and does not want to dialogue, so he is out of the question. You see, we could have sent Mancham but old boss vetoed my proposition to make him an ambassador at large instead of that chubby Indian billionaire. Now Mancham calls himself a world statesman and has released his latest book and claim to fame. Then there’s also small j-Belmont. He looks a bit like Tsvangirai Morgan don’t you think?

JenPa: Yes he actually does. Oh, perhaps you should try to talk to Christopher Gill and he might turn out to be our saviour and bring in the millions from the US. He knows how the movers and shakers operate in the land of the free as he attended University there.

Mr. President: No, he does not talk to me either. He only writes to me through this S*T*A*R* blog which is getting thousands more visitors than our own State House website.

JenPa: So why do you not reply to him then and send him the invite in writing?

Mr. President: I will delegate you to do this JP as you know I can’t write! You are the swimmer my boy. So even though it’s against the current you need to prove yourself. I am sure together with beautiful Srdjana you can knock up something powerful that will convince him. This is a good exercise in capacity building…

JenPa: Sir I ‘googled’ your name recently and came up with a website of your biography at S9.com biographical dictionary and it list you as being born in Fraserwood, Manitoba. I never knew that you had American roots. Herewith I bring you the listing:

http://www.s9.com/Biography/Michel-James

James Alix Michel

Born: 1944 AD
Currently alive, at 64 years of age.
Nationality: Seychellois
Categories: Head of State

1944 - Born on the 18th of August in Fraserwood, Manitoba.

1976 - He began as a teacher, but became involved in the archipelago's booming tourism industry and joined Mr. René's political party before independence.

1977-1993 - One-party socialist dictatorship, he held key ruling party and ministerial portfolios.

1996 - He had been vice-president to his predecessor, France-Albert René.

2006 - He won the presidential election of July, taking 53.7% of the vote.

Mr. President: I am flattered that they have already written about me. So I can already go down in history as having achieved great things. Perhaps I should contemplate an early retirement…Let’s go for a stroll in the gardens and chat with some of our Le Pep people tending the gardens and see if they have any new ideas on how to get some money from Obama…

The President and JenPA take a leisurely stroll towards the de Quincy tomb both in deep thoughts. There are too many scenarios to contemplate, now that the old boss has rebaptised the platform as ‘Parti Lepep’. It seems that all the skeletons are coming out of the closet and we need more spies on the streets to monitor the pulse…

The Seychelles Column - By Christopher Gill

Communism Surges In Seychelles

On 2^nd June 2009, the SPPF led by ex-President France Albert Rene, held a party congress and announced that he was changing the name of his party from “SPPF” to "Parti Le Pep".

The Congress was held at the International Conference Center, connected to Maison Du Peuple, the party office built with funds from Algeria and hijacked by the communist party itself. Outside the 1970's style concrete bunker building, blood red banners and flags draped the entire building which spans for 2 city blocks. A giant billboard with the new party logo was erected in the gardens in this massive brainwashing exercise. The message was clear - no one will dare to get this coup d'etat party to repent. Inside, party loyalists who had been summoned to the congress, wore red dresses and red shirts to please their master. They remained silent, unless they were told to speak. What they said, came from cue cards and prepped statements handed down from zone leaders and SPPF members of the national assembly.

As Seychelles is undergoing the worse economic crisis since World War II, the communists are renewing themselves under the Parti Le Pep (the people’s

party), acting like the cowardly chameleons they have always been. And they are bringing with it the dark red colors and yellow sun which symbolize international communism. As they shout the times are changing and they must change as well, only the name of the party is changing. Everything else remains the same. The people who are shouting change are the same people who have been propagating the communism dogma in Seychelles for 45 years.

Parti Le Pep will be run by the same people who ran SPPF much like SPPF was run by the same people who ran SPUP - total allegiance to the party and die-hard militant philosophy, blindly following one man's cult persona and outdated thinking in today’s world. Some old fuds will leave, here and there, some will be tossed out as their use by date expires, some will dance the musical chairs routine and some opportunists will be brought in to add a semblance of much needed change and legitimacy.

But what is common is the ideology, corruption and the criminality, which historically does not change. Will Parti Le Pep be a criminal gang party like SPUP? I do not know for sure. But as the saying goes, if it smells like a dead fish, and it looks like a dead fish, then it must be a dead fish.

Time will tell. But not much time, and do not lose any sleep over this riddle. In the meantime, Seychellois beware. When a person has exhausted and destroyed the name of a political party not once, but twice, what makes you think on the third round, he will do a better job than the first two times? After all, Seychelles is bankrupt, and they did not address that little issue in the congress. Our GDP is - 30 % and they remained silent on that little detail. Danny Faure has taken us one year into an IMF Plan and is already asking for another 5 years in all.

More Suffering Ahead

People of Seychelles, under Parti Le Pep, we must be prepared to endure great suffering now over the next few years. According to Rene, it is six (6) years of suffering, but I expect much more. It is clear to us all now, that the "party people", is the same people who have been responsible for 32 years of failure, under SPPF, while they called us to work and sacrifice, they partied and spent our money!

As SPPF-backed Electoral Commissioner Hendricks Gappy smiled and accepted the change of party name from Danny Faure with full SBC support crew on hand, and accepted all proportionately elected members of the National Assembly as Parti Le Pep members, although they never stood for that party in an election, BEWARE!

As it is the same people with the same dreadful ideas on how to ruin Seychelles, who will make the people of Seychelles pay for their failures. Hence, why the name "Parti Le Pep". It is the people who are at the centre of the debt repayment program; it is the people who will repay debts created by F.A. Rene and James Michel in our name; It is the people who will suffer the most for generations. With this Le Pep party, it is our children, those little 6,7,8,9 and 10 year old treasures who will suffer the most in attempting to repay the huge debt burden SPUP-SPPF has created and now handed the files over to Parti Le Pep for collection.

As the debt collection effort starts in January 2010, Parti Le Pep, like SPPF and like SPUP before did, will fly the red banners, the international colour of communist parties the world over and visit all the households of this country to try another round of lies and 'bat latet'.

Seychellois, I ask you to reject communism and to embrace a new future without SPUP, SPPF and Parti Le Pep! Tell Parti Le Pep they are still SPPF and they are still SPUP, and that red chameleons cannot change their colours. Tell them that they can change their names, but their hands will always be soiled with failed communist ideas, bloodshed, failure, backruptcy and stolen lives that never lived long enough to see the birth of a still-birth party.

I salute Mr. Ramkalawan for asking his supporters to reject Communism in Seychelles. He is dead on point. After we reject communism we can haggle over the details. Seychellois must be able to live in Freedom, in equality, free of victimization and harassment in their own motherland. This "Parti Le Pep" is non-negotiable. The people's money must remain the people's money and not be taken to fatten a few royalists in Parti Le Pip Party and allow them to party while the people suffer greatly. There is no compromise when it comes to the people's money Parti Le Pep!

Michel Confused Over 5^th June 1977 Coup

President Michel has announced this year to be the "Year of Koste" (come together). He has thus far gone to every district meeting in Seychelles and appealed to all Seychellois to Koste. He has occupied the SBC almost every night, practically and asked us all to Koste. The Government has commissioned a song writing competition to commemorate the theme.

On June 5th 2009, Parti Lepep made a lukewarm timid run to Zomn Lib . Less dancing, more innocent youngsters who were not even born when the coup happened, more heads looking at the tarmac so SBC would not bear witness to the embarrassment. As usual, James Michel was notable for his absence as he dispatched VP Belmont to this embarrassing task of adorning this metal structure
which has no sense or purpose in our history.

On SBC in the evening, Michel told us that June 5^th is part of our history like July 14^th "La Bastille Day" is to France and we must all accept it, even if we do not all agree with it. Michel's intellectual acumen cuts him short to spite himself. Is this the perfect formula for his 'Koste' campaign?

There is one key difference that betrays Michel's effort to cover up an act of treason, which he, as a communist celebrates on June 5th, every year, along with other die-hard communists like Rene and Faure. Even Russia has shed its communist past and the Bolshevik revolution is long dead and buried!

The key difference is this Mr. Communist President Michel. From our history lessons, we will recall that "La Bastille Day" 14^th July 1789, was the day that the monarchy in France was overthrown and replaced by a republican (voting) system.

June 5th 1977, Mr. Communist President, is a day that a group which now calls itself Parti Le Pep, overthrew a republican (elected) government and not a French monarchy a "La Bastille Day", and implemented a One Party State Dictatorship with no voting rights. There is no glory or cause for celebration in that, Mr. Communist President. In fact, I would go so far as to say, it is a down right shame, especially when the leader of the coup Rene was the Prime Minister of the republican (elected) government. There were no Kings or Queens in Seychelles to overthrow on 5^th June 1977, Mr. Communist President. We all know today, the act was born only out of personal greed, as we have witnessed with the demise of our national accounts for the past 32 years. Take a look around the world Mr. Communist President. ALL communist states that are still around are FAILED states. They are all BANKRUPT but they are still holding on to power to protect their own skin through fear, guns,
intimidation and corruption. There are still a few like Zimbabwe, Cuba, North Korea and Seychelles left. And as their leaders on life support system are extinguished, their legacy of sleaze, vice, corruption, distortion and thuggery is buried with them.

This being the case, as it is and not disputed by any Seychellois, except perhaps Dr. Rolph Payet, who actively seeks a job at UNDP, June 5th amounts to nothing but a day of shame and a day of infamy for all of you who rely on it to perpetuate your crimes of corruption on our people and hence, make our children all suffer more than we could have ever imagined in the late night of June 29th 1976, when we became an independent republic. The PEOPLE (Le Pep) of Seychelles shall NEVER pardon you!

The June 5th Farce Attempts To Live

Allow me some words of wisdom at this juncture Mr. Communist President. As you and SPUP, SPPF, Parti Le Pep perpetuate the farce of June 5^th arrogantly upon the People of Seychelles, as your communist-leader Rene insists, Seychelles will not change the tracks of failure you have planted her upon.

As the farce of June 5th is recognized and celebrated by you communists, Seychelles will continue to fail. For it is the poisoned seeds of sentiments that you plant on that day, that you so reap all year long. With it, comes the -30% -40% growth rates, the unemployment, corruption, the rise in drug abuse & prostitution and

crime, inefficiency in YOUR Government service, and all the other things that make a country fail. And all your talk till you are blue in the face about 'Koste' will fall on deaf ears!

For all of us young and old know, that you reap what you sow. That is if you are not faced with drought. Then you reap nothing, like in 2009 and all the years since your sorry coup of 1977! Because it has been a drought ever since you introduced communism to Seychelles!

May God Bless All Freedom Loving Seychellois and Our Beloved Seychelles!

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

 The COMESA Debrief & side meetings in Victoria Falls

With Danny having to push on more misery with the tax reforms and supplementary budget in the Assembly, the Seychelles President, in the company of his briefcase carrying Secretary of State (SOS JenPa) are off to Victoria Falls to rub shoulders with the true African brothers who are trying to usher in some new form of cooperation. It is an ideal opportunity to champion our cause as a small island state and to seek some funding for combating this scourge of piracy. Perhaps a ‘Guantanamo’ on one of the IDC islands where Glenny (or perhaps Mukesh – where is he?) can keep an eye on them.

Post room service breakfast debriefing session in a suite at the ‘Elephant Hills’ hotel

JenPa: Ngi-qonda ka-ncane nje isi-Ngisi! Welcome to Victoria Falls Sir! From the smallest capital of the world to the mightiest roaring thunder of the African Continent. This place is truly blessed like our little Seychelles I must say. It was no other than Livingstone who laid his claim to this land and inspired the world to discover. We have been invited for a helicopter ride over the falls before heading off for your ‘tete-a-tete’ with President Mugabe.  

Mr. President: Yebo JP! I am looking forward to give a nice bear hug to the man who was able to survive the complete collapse of his country and still enjoying life past his eighties. He was the Per Fondater’s best friend and will probably give me a goodbye gift to carry back home for the old man. Aahh, Zimbabwe! They used to have the best beef in Africa. And Bob Marley had a lot of hope when he sang his song on their independence (liberation) day back in 1980. You will recall that they had a white man like you called Ian Smith in charge during the days of Rhodesia. Today many say that Uncle Bob installed a black-on-black apartheid system. Similar to our ‘Ek nou, pa ek nou?’ system!

JenPa: Not to worry Sir. If it is too embarrassing to carry the gift, we can DHL it. It will get to State House before us as we need to catch up with all these side meetings. Let’s enlist the support of as many countries as possible as we suffer and sacrifice during these difficult times. Let’s maximise our time here. We have a packed agenda.

They head down to the lobby where a brand new black Mercedes Limo is waiting to whisk them to the nearest helipad for the hover above the Vic Falls and on to the Mugabe Presidential country home. With the Marley tune blaring… ‘Everyman got the right to decide his own destiny’…

A gleaming Augusta helicopter is waiting… Life vests on, headsets check - and up they go…

Mr. President: Oooh, what a great ride! Such spectacular scenery! Now I understand why it was named Victoria Falls…just like our little capital. We are truly blessed JP.

JenPa: Indeed Sir!  Viewing a country from the air is something. You feel sooo free as a bird. Don’t you get this great feeling every time you travel? Your mind seems more at peace and you do not have to deal with all this negativity that we are facing back home. It seems that we had too much of a twist of the tongue with this ‘Parti Lepep’. Now the people are turning against us.

Mr. President: It was the old man fondater who imposed this on us my boy. I wanted to see the Jj Spirit Foundation flourish into my own platform. The one I have always wanted to climb on to be my own man. But my people will judge me by all my ‘langazman’. I am here because I am concerned about our vulnerability as a small nation. Our IDC islands might be wiped out because of climate change. Pirates are infesting our waters and taking our kin hostage…

JenPa: OK Sir. Enjoy the ride and soak in the fabulous scenery… on the left side is the Zambian border…

The tour ends as the Augusta helicopter veers right at the edge of the Zambezi River into the grounds of the huge colonial style mansion with Comrade Mugabe waiting on the porch…

President Mugabe: Welcome to da land of the angels Comrade Misel. Good friend Albert has talked a lot about you. You have been his humble sidekick since’77. I wish I hed one like you. Then I wud not have had to deeeal with Morgan.

Mr. President: My Sincere thanks Great Leader. I salute your longevity and wisdom in leading this country to where it is today. May I introduce my SOS Monsieur Adam who will be taking notes during our amicable encounter. You are from the land of Livingstone and we are from the land of Adam & Eve… ha ha!

JenPa: On behalf of our revolution I would like to thank you for all your support throughout the years. We stand beside you in your moment of need. We are also bankrupt but at least we got billions of Zimbabwean dollars for our Euros. This is a good sign for recovery.

Mr. President: We are committed dear Comrade to partner with as many friends in this COMESA deal so that we can trade and help each other rebuild our economies. We have to help our brothers and sisters. We cannot keep giving business to these past colonial masters. It seems there is a change of heart with all the dictators gone. It’s time for us to share our wealth and resources.

President Mugabe: My Son! You neeeed to start wit a politikal reform. By re-baptising your party, you will not come out of dis mess. Look at me. I had Zanu, den we took over Zapu and den added PF to it – Zanu-PF – patriotik front indeed! Den came da war vets. You should not go dat route belieeeve me.  You cannot do it alone. Even ya old man has told you so. You need to reeeach out to your opposition Weevel like I have done with Morgan. I get him to sort out da mess and I live da presidential life.

Mr. President: Yebo Comrade! I infinitely appreciate your sound advice. We also have a little whitey Morgan too back home and he is the one handling the pirates’ dilemma, the pothole roads, the sewage, the broken buses etc... We have a few points of business on our agenda to consult your wisdom on and my main man will highlight those to you…

JenPa: Comrade Sir! I am honoured to table to you our objectives for this COMESA summit. Our motto for this year’s session is Come Over & Meet Every Seychellois Aspiration. We have been preaching about this immensely in all corners of the world, from Japan to Europe, to Pretoria and now in Vic Falls.

Mr. President: We are seeking partnerships all around, not only in the commerce sector. I am now a well versed diplomat and I believe we should take this opportunity to strengthen our diplomatic ties to have a unified strategy in regards the scourges affecting us. We are bankrupt and cannot be held at ransom by some dollar hungry Somalian pirates.

President Mugabe: Pirrracy has always been in our midst My Son! It is part of our nature. Look at Zim-bab-we. It has been pirated by da whites ever since I took over. But somehow without dem we have descended into hell. There are similar lessons back home I can see. You neeeed to extend da hand to your bitter enemy. We cannot keep beating them on da head into submission anymore, oderwise dey will be on BBC or CNN in der overturned cars. Invite dem into da fray. Take da weight off your shoulders and let some of the greens into your diet. It will do you a lot of good. No strrress, just living da cool presidential life while your enemy goes beegging in all corners of da world for more dollars to rebuild da country.

JenPa: Very well spoken Mr. Mugabe Sir! We can see that you fully support our cause. On behalf of the humble people of Seychelles, we thank you for your generous hospitality and the kind words of advice.

Mr. President: Comrade! (Gives Mugabe a big bear hug)! I will relay my sincere wishes of long life to our Founding Father and thank you on his behalf for this wonderful gift. Our best wishes to Grace.

The President and JenPA are ushered out of the villa into a waiting black limo that takes them to the cocktail party being held for all the delegates & dignitaries. He unwraps the brown paper around the box containing the old boss’s gift and takes a peek. It is an old blood stained machete which was a souvenir to Mugabe from one of the war veterans… This definitely needs to go via DHL!

 

From SPPF to Parti PePe - What’s in a name?

So the SPUP / SPPF has a new name? Seychelles People's Party (Parti Lepep?)

As Shakespeare put it, call the Rose any other name, it would still remain a specific bunch of coloured petals with a scent, beauty and appeal that, in our minds, distinguish it from all others of the floral world!

It took 14 years to move from “People’s United Party” to “People’s Progressive Front” and 31 more years to dump that too-elusive unity and cohesive front and get down to just plain “People”. Clearly, the Reds seem to be in perpetual quest for a defining label, but are condemned to share the lot of the leopard who cannot change its spots!

The new “People’s Party” will be another name which will gradually fit into the local political landscape and vocabulary, if only by the sheer will and clout of its sponsors, the incumbent, Seychelles Government! But let there be no doubt about it. The 1964-1978 version of the party never achieved anything close to uniting the people. Its 1978-2009 did usher in what was, for the cold-war time, the politically correct, island-bred version of international socialism, but not in the scope of a national cohesive front that it sought. If anything, it only contributed to heightening the depth of the divisive politics that pit Seychellois one against the other.

With this history of the stubborn wolf trying on sheep’s clothing, one can be forgiven to see the People’s Party as only another freshly –cloaked entity travelling down the road of political dedication, muttering its self-taught mantras and hoping for that final, unencumbered, freely given and deserving political respectability!

The new name will not wipe away the party’s archives and memory of its leaders of the victimisation, corruption, cronyism, state-engineered violence, abuse of human rights and liberties, exile and unexplained disappearances and deaths of political opponents!

Had the new party only bothered to have a good bath before doffing its new cloak, then maybe, just maybe, it could have washed itself off the filth accumulated over at least the last three decades, and start walking down the road of national reconciliation. Then, it could truly have called itself a People’s Party. For now, it will only remain “Parti PePe” (Hopefully not "Parti Pipi").

Article by Cuhnelbald - http://cuhnelbald.blogspot.com/

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

An all-round Seychelles President seeking to become a cult figure

The stage is set and the old Seychelles dictator has finally accepted that he has very few years to go and needs to free himself of the shackles. What an opportune moment for ‘Jame Misel’ as he now becomes the master of the roulette table. He will dictate ALL the proceedings from now on. ‘Parti Lepep’ is just a smoke screen which Danny can hide under. His ultimate agenda is to see the Jj Spirit blossom with new blood.

JenPa: Bonjour Monsieur Le President des Seychelles! I am glad that we have worked out a comprehensive PR and publicity offensive to keep up with all the developments that are upon us. I am starting to get little sleep and have now switched from my beers to heavy doses of caffeine in order to keep up. Now, I not only have to manage the life of a President but also the boss of the party. Not to mention the Jj spirit foundation… Don’t you think that I need a raise Sir?

Mr. President: Well whatever you ask for my son. But we have to wait till Joel sorts out this hostage crisis as we are in for a hefty ransom. I gather that the pirates are eyeing Desroches now that they overheard Big Boy on ‘Face a Face’ stating how the island has developed with so much fuel storage capacity. To be honest, I just wish they could take over while Glenny himself is holidaying there. He would be a nice, fat, handsome ransom. But I cannot imagine this scenario even though I would love the pirates to lay hands on him… I will also lose my villa in the process.

JenPa: Not to worry Sir. You can inherit Remire Island when Ton Albert goes. This was his haunt for more than 30 years and it will help you to get some of his mojo! You can step into his mould and build yourself this cult figure image. The key to his reign was that everyone was scared of him. This is what you need to do boss. The Seychellois people have not come to terms with ‘koste’. They want a leader that leads them by the nose and gives them everything.

Mr. President: Indeed JP but not the fishing, ‘torti sale’ etc... I am not a man of the islands and the seas as you know. I only need some peace and quiet. My makeover of being a clean, honest, sincere and hardworking President is falling on deaf ears. I have to try a new tactic. In fact you are right. We need another socialist revolution to implement the very same doctrines and tactics of the old man. It worked 100% and the man has lived on to see three parties. Look at Latin America today. Don’t you admire the achievements of the likes of Hugo Chavez? We can use the collapse of all the capitalist systems around the world as a basis to launch this new ideological platform which we can call ‘Miselism’ or plain Jj Spirit.

JenPa: Sir we have to ensure that this is all about you. The people should not be confused. With Jj, you are trailing along with a small j who is slowly being pushed into oblivion. He has been dealing with the more negative matters such as the prison unrest and I am happy that you mandated me (instead of him) to clarify the recent issues with the police enquiry report. He would have made another meal out of it.

Mr. President: The one and only Seychelles Per Fondater has spoken JP. I am a bit weary of him appointing Danny Boy as the party’s Secretary General. This is a powerful position which I occupied and believe me this is where you control our powerbase (or whatever is left of it!) and also the keys to the coffers. I see this as a coup by the old man and I am also uneasy. Who knows, when he finally drafts his will, I might be left out. This is unfortunately how he operates. Once you are no longer part of his scheme of things, he dumps you like a ‘pwason pouri’.

JenPa: You have been fortunate to have provided your unwavering support for these many years. It is a fitting tribute that you are now finally rewarded. When I look back over the years since I was born, there have been many lieutenants that have copped out but you have been standing as strong as ‘Zom Lib’ throughout. And you will also note that all of them are now part of the dustbin of history, especially the cowboys like Berlouis, Lucas, Hodoul, Ferrari, Marie and company…

Mr. President: Well this is exactly what I mean by developing this cult figure aura. It is the only way to be respected in this country. We need to go back to ruling by fear and veneration. Now that I have the two batons, I can start hitting out to all those that refuse to give in to this submission.

JenPa: Sir, we are already up there in the league with North Korea. I have great admiration for this people who are so disciplined. They revere their leader and they have perfected the art of nepotism, cronyism, communism etc… The great leader is now also passing the baton to his favourite son. I can see a lot of similarities here. Today you are trying to unite this people and the best example of a coherent, unified society is the DPRK.

Mr. President: We have to reinvent ourselves and build a new model JP. I do not want to associate myself with North Korea. They have become the black sheep of the entire world. They are bankrupt and are enslaving their people and beating them into obedience. This is not what I want for my people. All I want is for them to love me… But I have no money to give them as we are bankrupt.

JenPa: Sir is it true that there is a lot of corruption in the country? The country is bankrupt and everyone in the district is talking about it. Some are saying that all this money has been siphoned off into bank accounts and ‘Parti Lepep’. You even confirmed at one meeting that the hole might not be $2.5 billion but perhaps $5 billion.

Mr. President: Corruption has been part of our legacy JP. Remember that our excuse was to take from the rich and give back to the poor. What do we see today? It is the reverse pyramid. We have kicked out those that did not like us, allowed those who supported us to flourish and voila! A rebalanced society with a larger base of those living a very basic lifestyle, catching the ‘tata bus’, scrambling for something to eat, chasing a doctor for a band-aid, doing drugs and prostitution just to get by. Then we have an elite core that has been close to the cause and have become princes and sheiks. That’s what liberation was all about in case you were in search of an explanation. But the key to this masterstroke is that it was done in the name of ‘Lepep’.

JenPa: Aha, so I now get it! Hence the reason why Ton Albert addressed the people as the chosen caretaker on the day of the coup. He never mentioned that he was the architect at that time! It is also said that he borrowed a suit and shoes from one of his family members in Kenya on his way to Seychelles on Karanja to form the rising sun party.

Mr. President: Indeed, he wanted to impress with his degrees and had to make a grand entrance. He was looked upon as our saviour JP. The Robin Hood Kreol if you want. He was a good orator and I intend to follow in his footsteps. I now have all the modern communications methods including my new teleprompter at my disposal and will make a much bigger impact than a tiny megaphone. The new frontiers are now mine to conquer, unless a Secretary General dares to throw a banana skin my way…

With the weight of Parti Lepep on his shoulders, the President is really feeling lonely out there. He is already contemplating the next election strategy. Empty the party coffers, give out those fake 500 Seychelles rupee notes, erect giant posters of himself to display all over the country. This is his best strategy to gain the sympathy and compassion of those still feeling nostalgic about the socialist / communist days. Otherwise it is emptiness all-round for the President…

 

TALK IS CHEAP - James Michel and his "politik bon marse"

Talk about talking till you are blue in the face! It would seem that Seychelles President James Michel is following in the footsteps of Hugo Chavez on a talking marathon… As Minister for Information, he has all the state media stooges lined up like ducks in a row to be present at his every beck and call. The propaganda machine is in major overdrive and heating up like the PUC generators with the risk of self destructing. The man is everywhere! There is no doubt that he is obsessed with his own image. As he changes shirt from a day at pressing the flesh of yet another dignitary summoned to hand him a few laurels for his ‘vision’ at State House, he heads off to bask in the limelight of finally being handed the final baton of his ‘born again’ party. He is now in total control and can do exactly what his old mentor has been doing since 1993 – blurring the lines between the political party and the workings of government. Now firmly in control of ‘Parti Lepep’, Jame Misel (as he is affectionately called by FAR) will try to pull a few more rabbits out of his hat with the help of his state controlled media.

And the man is desperate to talk. He has set up several rounds of talk shops in the districts which are now beating the ratings of the famous telenovellas. He appears on our screens more than 95% during prime time television (news) and has embarked on a campaign to try and erase the blunders that he is prone to committing day in and day out. There are so many charades that they themselves cannot keep up with – ‘En rankont ek prezidan’, State House newsletter, Rising Sun, Isola Bella, Seychelles Nation, SBC radio, television, Paradise FM, The People, People Plus…  We have a media orgy trying desperately to prop up a lame president - North Korean style. Michel is a master at conducting ‘politik bonmarse’ which he is constantly accusing the opposition (and basically all those that see him as a puppet of Albert Rene) of. He has been given the massive, impossible task of covering up all the mess and chaos that the dictatorial regime of his mentor has left for this new generation to sort out.

We all know that Michel was part of this regime and he is now stuck between a rock and a hard place. He was very much the carpenter executing the architect’s master plan but now wants to make another attempt at being his own man under a new ‘Lepep’ banner. His hands are clean he tells us; the young traitor holding the AK-47 machine gun on June 5^th 1977 was his double. The lame Minister of Finance who led the country into bankruptcy is long forgotten. He is now the new kid on the block and wants to be judged by his actions. But the evidence is clear. This old lot that is pretending to be a new bunch have failed ‘Lepep’ miserably.

With all the talking, ‘Lepep’ is saying that their ears are full but their stomachs are empty. Michel tries to talk the people out of its misery.  A misery that he has perpetrated since 5^th June 1977.  Today things are out of control. ‘Kapten in file’ and ‘bosin Misel’ is desperately trying to bring the ship to shore in shark infested waters with a cyclone looming overhead. The sun always shines on TV but with all his militant firebrand and pitiful demeanour, the man is not cut to lead this country and he knows it.

This guy can talk! And he will keep on talking as he is desperate to try and convince his dwindling supporters from seeing the truth that is catching up so fast with him. Now that the man in whose heart the ‘Manifesto Lepep’ was written, is about to conk out, Misel is feeling lonely out there without a compass. Even Albert in his interview said that Misel was alone out there.  He is now renewing his ‘langazman’ towards ‘Lepep’ with all his honesty, sincerity and hard work. Talk about ‘politik bonmarse’… 

Albert Rene's Legacy - Blood, Greed & Corruption

Seychelles - Albert Rene's Greed and Corruption

On June 5th 2009, the SPUP-SPPF-Lepep said that 30 families held 90% of all the land in Seychelles and blamed it on the first President Mancham. This is an ultimate lie, as everyone knows that this situation was not Mancham's fault, nor does it justify the Coup D'eta. SPPF says that today, many Seychellois have a little block of land here and there, which would have been unthinkable in that era.

 

To set the record straight, Mancham inherited a colonial system.  So it is not right to pin the shortfalls of that system on him historically. In fact, he was a big part of the solution. Secondly, Rene was Minister of National Development in the coalition Government. He could have easily embarked on a plan to buy large tracks of land for redistribution, which most owners would have been too happy to part with and receive cash instead. Had Rene done that, land redistribution in Seychelles would have taken place without blood shed and injustice.

 

But that was not the real reason for the Coup.  It is THE real excuse.

 

The real reason for the Coup was GREED of one man. Hence why $2.4 Billion is missing from our banking system today. Today, more then ever, Le Pep suffer for one man's Greed. As Seychellois are called upon to make more sacrifice, SPUP-SPPF=Lepep are trying to enslave the People of Seychelles for another generation.

 

As Rene steps down, he leaves massive debts for the next two generations of Seychellois.  Those are our children and grandchildren.

 

The real reasons why so many people fell out with Rene over the years were the murders, the corruption, the greed which went on without limit or barriers. Real Seychelles citizens (not those who bought a passport) were relegated to second class citixzens, while his foreign friends and family were treated like royalty and gobbled up large tracts of the best land available as well as islands.

 

Today, SPUP-SPPF-Lepep Party can change its name, but it does not change its DNA of criminality. Today, there is just much less to steal and murder is frowned upon and no longer celebrated in SPUP-SPPF-Lepep camp,especially now that the world is watching, banking systems are more regulated, and IMF is on our shores.  But that does not mean some no longer relish the scent of fresh blood.  Albert legacy is tarnished in blood, corruption and greed. And this is what he will be remembered for!

 

ADIEU “PER FONDATER” (Goodbye Founding Father)

Having risen back from the dead at Easter time, Seychelles ex-President and Dictator Albert Rene finally decided to pass the second baton to his favourite son ‘Jame Misel’ who has played his Pontius Pilate routine with a pair of cleanly washed hands. France Albert Rene has decided he has a few more years to go and he needs to pave the way for his final sail into the sunset to meet his Creator. This famous sunrise of the SPUP has now turned into a few filtered rays of a rosy sunset to the left of the flag. Some have got their lives rosily set up since 45 years while the rest of Lepep is being asked to sacrifice a few more years. As he bestows his knighthood of ‘Father’ upon himself, Rene metaphorically turns back to his days of priesthood, leaving behind the most controversial legacy and a bankrupt country.

As he turns his back on a party he has led by a leash with his dictatorial tactics from its inception in 1964, Rene tries to re-invent his propaganda machine in one last ditch effort to stop history catching up to him. As the noose tightens around the folds of his old neck, the leopard begins to choke. It was obliged to change its spots more than three times in its 45 year existence as it constantly seeks to camouflage its inefficiency and under achievements in running the country. The camouflage eerily leads us to images of camouflage-clothed Seychellois ‘brothers’ toting their AK-47s next to the white gentleman in his trademark safari suit! They were the ones who clubbed our first constitution to death to install a totalitarian regime ruled by fear and favour. But he insists always that he did not plan the Coup D’etat and was only called in to represent the people AFTER the coup!

In its desperate attempt to hold on when ‘democracy’ and 'liberation' came about, the leopard carved up its lion’s share of our country’s resources with an unfair distribution to its pride, while the rest of the feeble in this ‘animal farm’ get the crumbs (which they have to be grateful for!).

Today they invoke the people to ‘Koste’. This very same people that were united under a ‘rainbow nation’ euphoria on 29^th June 1976. This very same people who were torn apart into two camps ever since the ‘pti group’ picked up the AK-47s one dark evening of the 4^th June 1977... The blood of our brothers was spilled on that night and some were forced to seek exile from their motherland. Seychelles was moulded into a cross between North Korea and Cuba under the leadership of Rene and today we are paying the consequences of this misguided ideological blunder.

How can an SPUP turned SPPF that has ‘meta-mor-foz’ into a Parti Lepep calls itself the saviour of a disaster that it has laid the foundation for over the last 45 years of its existence (with 32 years of government)? How can they expect the people to exempt them of plunging us into an abyss of more than $800million of debt and over $2.5billion squandered somewhere overseas? We could have done a hell of a lot for Seychelles and its people with that amount of money!

It is now time for the old leopard Rene to stretch out one last time in the hot Seychelles sun, take a good look between his hind legs, and remember well the past he wants us to forget.  But he cannot change those spots.  They represent our Seychellois brothers who lost their lives under his reign of terror, and even trying to scratch them off will not bring our brothers back.  In the end, the spotted Cheetah will be held accountable to the HERD.  The once mighty will always fall, and the new will overtake the old.

Adieu ‘Per Fondader’. Nou swet ou bonn sans dan ou voyaz. Misel a get ladan! Tasyon sa vann swet ou bien Pirate la ba lo ‘Remire’!