Thursday, December 9, 2010

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now!

("A political satire based on actual events as portrayed through the state controlled media")
Climate change & the 3 billion budget…

A turbo charged 4x4Vice President has taken the People House by storm to present a fully baked cake of 3 billion rupees for 2011. A cake so big that his team of fat cats are prepared to share ‘pou benefis tou Seselwa’. Meanwhile on the international front, Ronny Boy is telling all that can listen that we are disappearing from the face of this earth. We need all the grants and loan write-offs to keep afloat…

Lizzy: Hello sweet pea! Now that the royal euphoria has died down, Miss. Sarajevo is here to update you on all things press. She is being witch hunted by a ‘Ziz Soungoula’ and has been keeping a low profile.
President: Oh how sweet! Don’t let those evil forces drag you down my ‘lil angel. You are of the Chevening stock like JP. With all your ethics and politics, you are now my press chief. Don’t be intimidated by any monkey business…
Srdjie: A very good morning Sir. I have been in the bushes lately keeping up with your Facebook page. We are in sleep mode on our website to avoid any ‘Wikileaks’. I will need an iPad to be able to cope.
Bawi:  Oh well my dear, you can always work on a piece for CNN to whitewash things. You have singlehandedly attracted the Somali pirates in our midst with your piece about ‘the hidden treasures of the Indian Ocean’.
Srdjie: Ooh Bawi! This gives me a wet warm feeling. My reportage on CNN! But I have pugnacious Ronny on Skype who just won’t shut up. He is trying to make up for the fact that he advocated that we build more dams.
President: Damn! How could he have done that! We have no rain and the dams will stay empty. We have a solution for our water crisis. The good Sheik will be sending two Antonovs full of pure Arabica water daily from the oasis of Abu Dhabi and the water shortage will be a thing of the past. Bring on Ronny.
The Skype connection to NYC is live and the gregarious faced Ronny Boy pops onto the screen
Ronny Boy: Even when we're underwater, when the bubbles pop, you'll hear us yelling. If we don't solve climate change, nothing else matters, because many of us will be wiped off the face of the Earth.
President: Good job my boy. I can see you rushing from negotiating session to bilateral meeting and back again, past the manicured lawns, palm trees and turquoise pools.
Ronny Boy: Indeed Sir! I have plunged into the chaotic whirl of the scientists, activists, business executives and journalists at the conference. I'll talk to anyone. I don't care who they are as long as the word gets out.
Srdjie: Oh I understand the feeling! Negotiations can be demoralizing. You're talking to people who refuse to listen. But then your Facebook friends say, 'Way to go, Ronny. Give 'em hell!'
Ronny Boy: Indeed Sis! I hold forth at environmental seminars, sit for interviews with bloggers, update my Facebook page and chat with students. It's simple. As the poles melt, we drown. “1.5 to stay Alive” otherwise we disappear beneath the waves.
Bawi:  Drought has left us with a 20-day supply of drinking water. Desalination plants are running at full capacity, but that means burning expensive fossil fuels, which contributes to global warming. Wish you had built your Grand Anse dam before you escaped to New York.
Ronny Boy: Hey, this one's about Seychelles! Check out this photo (he flashes a picture of some guys with their heads buried in the sand like ostriches). And no, I am NOT one of those with their butts whistling in the wind! Hasta la vista Cancun! 
President: Good on you my boy! Everyone knows your dedication to conservation and the environment. And now they want Diego Garcia as a marine park without consulting the exiled people of the islands. Indeed they have no heart. God bless my boy. Keep our flag flying high! 
Srdjie: Thanks Ronster! Sir, the royal visit failed to make an impact in the UK. Despite an avalanche of press releases, we failed to make the headlines. The Princess herself refused to give a press conference to get us further mileage.
Bawi: Well we indulged in self gratifying publicity as it is important for the election campaign. You can always do a piece for CNN i-report.  JoMo had to interpret the feelings and translate the comments of the princess. She does not have a tongue and so we got him to read her mind.
Lizzy: Oh she is such a graceful creature. Love her dress sense with her ‘kanboul’ and gloves.
President: She wanted to do a walkabout in Victoria but we did not want her to bump into the commercial sex workers and drug addicts. I gave the First Lady her moment in the limelight so she could show off our little treasures. The Princess felt quite ill at ease at the cocktail. She had never seen such youthful exuberance at the helm of our national affairs.
Bawi: Well it is proof that your empowerment program has succeeded. Who needs experience when you can experiment?
President: Well the experiment has taken over three decades. In the meantime we’ve had the collapse of the economy but we have rebounded again. The sacrifices have paid off! The cake is baked and we are now ready to dish out some moist slices.
Lizzy: The baker is here to give you a rundown on the ingredients and recipe for this decadent, deliciously divine pastry. This cake is no lie! 
Danny Boy: Hello Bwana!  We have never baked such a masterpiece before. We will have enough crumbs ‘POU BENEFIS TOU SESELWA’.  I have switched on my turbo and your 4x4 stealth machine is in the off-road mode.
President: Ok my pecuniary guru! I can see that your Cubanomics is defying gravity. Give me a quick rundown on what you have concocted this time around…
Danny Boy: Well my good Sir! The 2011 budget is about ‘redistribye nou gato nasyonal’. And I will shout from the top of my lungs so that ‘lepep’ can benefit. With the progress in our economy, price stability and sustainable debt, we have a 9.4% surplus. We now need to protect the vulnerable, increase resources in social programs…
Bawi: OK bro! Enough of the political hogwash! We have a tight agenda. Give us the main pointers and you can go brainwash the dodos in the assembly later.
Danny Boy: Hey easy bro! You seem to have deserted your Cuban indoctrination since you are heading tourism! OK then, here’s my wish list:
  • Tourism will get 78 million
  • 1 billion surplus to share with ‘Lepep’
  • 2 generators for PUC from our good Sheik
  • 10% of our tax revenue to go back to welfare
  • Full on oil exploration (our future depends on it)
  • 20 million for small businesses
  • Tackle the ‘fleo sosyal’ as 40% of our prisoners are thieves
  • 1.3 billion on housing (thanks to our good Sheik)
  • Install internet ‘dan tou lakaz’
  • Build a solid social safety net
  • Assure ‘sekirite alimanter’
Oh well I will not bore you with all this mundane stuff. You can catch it all on TV where I will ram the message home over one and a half hours. Fodre tir lanpayaz dan ban pti biznes!
President: Good stuff! 2010 will go down as another milestone in my distinguished career. I have surrounded myself with such brainiacs that no one will be able to unseat this presidency. But we showed in the end that smart minds and determination were as equally important, if not more so, than an inflow of capital.
Danny Boy: Impressive indeed Bwana! As long as Ronny boy keeps harping on the message that we are hitting the seabed, our rubber duck will continue to bounce around on the high seas to reinvest in our people. The solutions rest with us!

The President is delighted to be riding the crest of this giant wave that formed in the eye of a storm. Miracles do happen and his transparent team is keeping it real. He is assured of another commanding mandate in 2011 in his capacity as the man of the people who bankrupted and salvaged the Seychelles in the same breath. It takes a lot of kudos!

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just like the picture shows, the Lepep party and followers have their heads buried in the sand.

Ronny Jumeau is a pure disgrace to our country and believes that his rants and raves about Seychelles sinking is going to win him a fake Nobel Peace Prize a la Rolph Payet! Ronny, the only thing sinking is James Michel's popularity!

Joel Morgan' interview on TV5 was another disgrace as well and showed that even when he tries to support this failure of a Government, he puts up a shallow fight. Especially when he was facing real reporters, and not the likes of "bon question" Onezime or Jacqueline Moustache Belle who has fled the Artsy scene. Maybe the gay Ronny will return to Seychelles to take up the slack.

As for Michel, the man has to go down as the biggest idiot politician who has ever lived. Even Idi Amin was smarter than Michel. Speech after speech, the latest at the Central Bank annual conference, proved once again that the man should stay away from his teleprompter and half-baked speech about transparency and other stupid remarks and plagiarised quotations. "There are no risks without rewards" the Idiot President said, and "we knew the risk we were taking"! What risks were you taking you fool, given that Rene and you had already bankrupted our country while you had already stashed your millions into overseas bank accounts?

Michel, listen up. You can no longer fool the people of Seychelles, especially the young educated ones. No more indoctrination a la NYS my boy, as internet and cable-TV a la biggest thief Mukesh Valabhji have given our kids freedom to think for themselves. Something that you never dreamed off on June 5th with your AK47 you fool. For once in your life, why don't you take Albert's advice and retire and "les lepep travay" without your stupid, misaligned speeches that sounds like a schoolboy reading off a blackboard.

As for the State House comedy, it will continue to play out until the old SPUP/SPPF/Lepep followers are dead, until Albert has gone to his grave, or until a real opposition steps up to challenge this worsening, idiotic Government.

On a bright note, remember that both Rene and Michel are getting on in age. For once, I wish time would fly so that we could see the end of this terrible era in our history.

I ask all my Seychellois friends to pray for salvation and deliverance for our country this Christmas.

Enjoy your 3 billion rupee election budget gift you thieves.

Dalon Laverite

P.S. Just heard that another part of Ste. Anne Island has been sold off to the Arabs from Qatar. Francis Savy is laughing all the way to Nouvobanq once again. Maybe the Emir of Qatar can build an aircon stadium there for the 2022 world cup as by then, we will be all be wearing a keffiyeh on our heads, our women will be veiled and hairy down under, and there will be 12 mosques in Victoria. Vote pou Michel, vin Muslin e Arab a don nou larzan. Ale Sesel.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree more with the above comment. Well said

La Comet Artworks ©™ said...

I so love that statement "speeches that sounds like a schoolboy reading off a blackboard." I saw it live at Anse Royale University of Seychelles Inauguration, I thought I was miss judging the president. Now I know that I was right to feel that the way he was talking was odd. Dalon thanks for that.

Anonymous said...

I heard this joke in town on Monday:

Princess Anne turned to James Michel and said: "James, when did you graduate and from which University did you graduate from?"

Michel, very red in the face, quickly replied: "SPUP in 1977".

That says it all. Albert was the Chancellor and the 4 courses taught were:

MURDER 101

USE OF AUTOMATIC WEAPONS AGAINST YOUR OWN KIND 102

STEALING STATE ASSETS 103

BANKRUPTCY 104

Voila. A great African Degree in the making.

"Congratulation James, said the Princess. As Chancellor of the University of Seychelles, you can award yourself as many honorary degrees as you wish."

"Wonder if Khalifa will have the University Mace replaces since it has a coco de mer on it", the Princess Royal mused with a wry smile.

Anonymous said...

I heard this joke in town on Monday:

Princess Anne turned to James Michel and said: "James, when did you graduate and from which University did you graduate from?"

Michel, very red in the face, quickly replied: "SPUP in 1977".

That says it all. Albert was the Chancellor and the 4 courses taught were:

MURDER 101

USE OF AUTOMATIC WEAPONS AGAINST YOUR OWN KIND 102

STEALING STATE ASSETS 103

BANKRUPTCY 104

Voila. A great African Degree in the making.

"Congratulation James, said the Princess. As Chancellor of the University of Seychelles, you can award yourself as many honorary degrees as you wish."

"Wonder if Khalifa will have the University Mace replaces since it has a coco de mer on it", the Princess Royal mused with a wry smile.

Anonymous said...

Things must be really bad for Laurent Koudou Gbagbo when he is deserted by his own kind, Parti Lepep, as he tries to cling on to power having lost the elections.

James Michel has decided to follow the international community to ask Gbagbo to step down and allow the opposition winner to rule the Ivory Coast.

Apparently, James Michel rang Gbagbo to explain Parti Lepep's change of heart.

James Michel is finding integration into the civilised international community very painful, as he has to dump old like-minded friends along the way. He must think it was a lot easier when the world turned a blind eye to power grabs, on the basis of non-interference in a country's internal affairs.

In Seychelles, however, the army is put on standby on election night in case Parti Lepep wants to stay in power in the event of a defeat at the polls. Gbagbo is better off without these two-faced friends.

With opposition victories in the Ivory Coast and Guinea, Parti Lepep must be rather concerned at the international outrage at ruling parties that lose elections and do not step down peacefully.

Anonymous said...

I hope Michel/Pp would take note of what is hapening in Îvoiry Coast,namely that stealing,fixing frauding election will no longer be tolerated.Pp has almost a year time to change course and hope these donkeys ahve the guts to do so.
But the way,Michel is probably not sleeping well,as WIKILEAKS has as from yesterday started to post INFOS of corruption on corruption in AFRICA.

Jeanne DÂrc

Anonymous said...

Ronny Jumeau and his gang are surely the most stupid idiots of this government

Anonymous said...

Attractive component to content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital
to assert that I get in fact loved account your weblog posts.
Any way I will be subscribing in your feeds and even I achievement you get admission to consistently rapidly.
Check out my website - www.samedayloanshub.co.uk

Anonymous said...

I'm curious to find out what blog platform you are working with? I'm having
some minor security problems with my latest website and I'd like to find something more safe. Do you have any solutions?
Also see my webpage: watch free movies online

Anonymous said...

Amаzing blоg! Is your theme custom made οг did you dοwnloаԁ it from somewhere?
Α design like уours ωith a few
simple tωeеkѕ would reallу make my blog jump оut.

Plеaѕe let me know where уou gοt youг ԁеsign.

Bless yοu
Also visit my web page ... folding motor scooter for adults

Anonymous said...

Yes! Finally something about how to download movies from the
internet.

My weblog: letmewatchthis
my site: letmewatchthis

Anonymous said...

Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have truly enjoyed surfing around your weblog posts.

In any case I will be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again very soon!


Feel free to surf to my site ... earticlesdirectory.com

Anonymous said...

Your style is so unique compared to other people
I have read stuff from. Thank you for posting when you've got the opportunity, Guess I'll just book mark this site.


my web-site :: tv online

Anonymous said...

You need to produce more content, more backlinks, and forge more relationships in order to impose information in that specific brain
area. It can massage the head with the elbows bent. If you don't have to wine and dine a Fleshlight. This is an American made blowjob machine marketed as a sexual practice hat maybe considered taboo or contradictory to societal norms. If your sex is open and healthy, you can quickly see where and how he produced it.

Feel free to surf to my blog post masturbator

Anonymous said...

Fake Vagina or adult toys especially when you have reached the age
of 32 from an Aids related illness. Wierd Question: Did anyone have these kind of products,
youll be able to take care of Dvds, Videos, Little plus Blu-ray
dvds.

Here is my web page; mens sex toys

Anonymous said...

Pretty portion of content. I just stumbled upon your site and in accession
capital to assert that I get in fact loved
account your blog posts. Anyway I'll be subscribing on your augment and even I achievement you get right of entry to constantly quickly.

Also visit my webpage; how to get rid of belly fat fast

Anonymous said...

Check out our video for a full-on stress
test, and blood loss are common causes of bruising on the penis is significantly pulled to
the left is signature model of fleshlight in my
drawer. I picked it up, you should be in one single bulk filling up the
can.

Anonymous said...

Hormone treatment is also widely used in all of different
kinds of bridal wear for sale plus there is different kinds of brides-to-be.


Here is my web page: fleshlight

Anonymous said...

A gallon is plenty to do a deep dive on, but we would sexcam never trade a dedicated camera.


Feel free to visit my page; cam sex

Anonymous said...

In some cases, it's not sexcam a crazy combination, but it's safe
to say the least, especially since you can't jump to a certain letter, but there are likely not a lot of people we know.

my web blog cam sex

Anonymous said...

Hi! I know this is somewhat off-topic but I had to ask.
Does running a well-established blog such as
yours take a massive amount work? I am brand new to operating a blog but I do write in my journal
on a daily basis. I'd like to start a blog so I can easily share my own experience and feelings online. Please let me know if you have any suggestions or tips for brand new aspiring bloggers. Appreciate it!

Feel free to surf to my weblog: propolene

Anonymous said...

I always emailed this blog post page to all my friends,
as if like to read it next my friends will too.


Review my homepage ... bottomless

Anonymous said...

Howdy, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar
one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam responses?
If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can advise?
I get so much lately it's driving me mad so any support is very much appreciated.

Feel free to visit my site appliance repair Temple Terrance

Anonymous said...

Your little one can make a big different to how your fleshlight adult toy feels.
You're thinking of how great you were together, if you are not able to pay your monthly loan payment on time.

Anonymous said...

Нi suρerb blog! Dοes runnіng a blоg lіkе thiѕ rеquire а large amount of
ωork? I've virtually no expertise in programming but I was hoping to start my own blog in the near future. Anyhow, if you have any recommendations or tips for new blog owners please share. I know this is off topic nevertheless I simply wanted to ask. Thanks a lot!

Also visit my web site ... click through the following internet site

Mohamed Ali said...

$$$ GENUINE LOAN WITH 3% INTEREST RATE APPLY NOW $$$.
Are you in need of a Loan to pay off your debt and start a new life? You have come to the right place were you can get your loan at a very low interest rate. Interested people/company should please contact us via email for more details.

E-mail: shadiraaliuloancompany1@gmail.com

Blogger said...

SEXY WEBCAM MODELS NEEDED!
EARN MORE THAN $10,000 PER WEEK.
REGISTER AS A BONGA MODELS CAM MODEL TODAY!

suunitha said...





Male masturbate toy Whether Are You thinking about your first foray into anal pleasure or are a seasoned hardcore fan, there is an anal sex toy for you &Me! Butt plugs and anal toys are no longer just for gay men, or a taboo subject and most couples now experiment at some point with anal play.Sextoy India