Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

("A political satire based on actual events as portrayed through the state controlled media")
A Princess comes calling…

 In another moment of international fame, the Seychelles President has the honour as Chancellor to be by the side of British Royalty at the official opening of UniSey. Having singlehandedly apprehended more pirates and freed our subjects, he pays tribute to the men in uniform for our protection over these 33 years of glory.
Lizzy: A Royal salute Mr. Commander in Chief! PS MO is here to juggle the agenda as the British Princess is about to hit our shores.

Bawi: Good day Mr. Beardo! I can see that all affairs foreign suit you perfectly. You seem to be learning the ropes pretty fast from your mentor JenPa. It is important that you shed your aloofness and get closer to the community. The open day was commendable.

MO: You have left a legacy at MOFA my good Bwana. Your spell there has paved the way to a new vision. We are still reaping the rewards of your hard work from your days in Brussels.

President: Wow, what an honour to have the presence of the longest serving civil servant in our midst. So all’s set for her Highness’s visit? I have ensured that our Gaines Cooper Rolls Royce is put to good use. I only rub shoulders with popes and royalty. So what is on the agenda?

MO: Good day to you Herr Chancellor. Everything has been mapped out. I will welcome the Princess on the tarmac and she will be whisked away to UniSey. Dr. Roff has already waxed lyrical about your vision and you will have the honour to jointly unveil Plato who has been your inspiration. You need to dress like the opposition assembly members with a tie.

Bawi: The stage is set. We will then give her the opportunity to put a few poppies at the Cenotaph in memory of the fallen. The 29th November is a very eerie day in our history as we had a fallen hero on the streets of London...back in 85. The verdict is still open and I am scared the Princess might press the case to solve the mystery.

Lizzy: Oh but Bob said, “in this great future you can’t forget your past”... So dry your tears.

President: No women no cry Bawi. We are now with a new vision for our youth. We will throw a party on our lawns and everybody will be merry. No orders came from me in this 412 case. The Union Jack will fly again at State House to welcome back our early days. I always wanted to emulate one of our governors.

MO: Sir I am not privy to any Wikileaks of the past 30 years. But I was in action in 81 and had to take refuge in a trash can in the tower. Diplomatic duty calls and I have to attend to the final protocol details. ‘On a du pain sur la planche !’

Bawi: OK MO! We admire your sense of duty. Sir, we have a call from young Kim in North Korea. He is seeking some advice on how to shed this communist dogma but still enjoy total control. He seems in a bind and wants you to repay the favour that his grandpa did after the coup. Was it not the construction of the building housing UniSey? I do remember Per Fondater paying a visit to Pyongyang sometime back.

President: No that was to beef up our security. My communist days are behind me Bawi. Who does he think he is calling me for help? Today, I only deal with those with money and not a bankrupt economy like North Korea. I am a reformed pragmatist and he should emulate me.

Lizzy: Sir Jomo is here to report on the latest piracy developments and the Princess’ visit to Valle de Mai and Pete will update you on the ACP meeting and combating the piracy scourge...

JoMo: Sir the Emirs and other friends from the Gulf States and the Russians all have spear guns on board their yachts and have been using them randomly everywhere they go, while the poor Seychellois fishermen are not allowed to have spear guns as they are banned. What is good for the goose is not good for the gander! They will also be using them on the pirates...

President: I must also command our men in uniform. They are all in for a raise and maximum benefits – we need 100% loyalty there. The new technology I have at my fingertips allows me to direct operations right from this office. I gather the police are rounding up the stray rounds.

JoMo: Sir while on Police, a report in the Irish parliament states that Seychelles has spent 25 Million Pounds on consulting fees and other services with the Irish so far. Wonder what we bought?

President: We bought counter intelligence to silence the opposition. Oh I am glad the Princess brought us some rain.

Bawi: We got lucky on that alright Bwana. I would hate to see her queuing up for a bowser. Oh well we can turn this around and discuss about our water problems aside the piracy saga. She will surely be sympathetic to our cause.

Pete: Well Bwana, the time has come to ‘walk the talk’ on piracy. Given that we are shooting at pirates on the vessels despite the fact that we have hostages on board, we should be more innovative bring in the "Israeli Raid on Entebbe" by the Israeli commandos!

JoMo: We will give the Princess a walkabout in the Garden of Eden and let her be mesmerized by the natural beauty of our love nut. Shame we could not bring her to Aldabra.

President: She will be equally impressed by the developments I am spearheading in the tourism industry. Our investment is paying off and she will not even feel that we are a country under IMF bailout.

JoMo: Indeed Sir. We are directing this war on piracy from the heart of the Indian Ocean. Our EUNAFOR contingent and soon our new navy base and arsenal will thwart any attacks by these crazy men in skiffs. We will deal them a killer blow as they are threatening our very existence and prevent our Sheik from enjoying his Paradise.

Pete: We will soon come out with proposals on how to add value to our blue gold so that we can all get our fair share. Fisheries and industry work hand in glove. We shall harness the power of our oceans and my comrade JoMo will produce a ‘gro manze’ master plan so that we can attain food sufficiency.

Bawi: Sir we have a 3 billion budget to contend with next year. A record for the election year! SR81 Million for Landscape and Waste Management! SR 376 for "Benefits and Approved Programmes of Social Security Fund". SR41 million for the President's Office so that you can travel first class!

Lizzy: Sir Dr. Ruff, the man of multiple degrees and diplomas is here to update you on the opening ceremony...

Dr. Ruff: A very good day Your Lordship Chancellor. All the invited guests will be present except for the Per Fondater who has headed off to Remire and sends everyone to hell. He does not believe in showing the light to our youth as is against his NYS principles of encoding.

President: I am happy that Mancham will be there. He will not miss his chance of mingling with royalty. Yes, our young will become business incubators. We are in a knowledge driven world. Knowledge is key! But we need to hide the truth. The Education should be according to the Jj doctrine.

Dr. Ruff: Our Plato Statue resting on a blue sea is ready to be unveiled Sir. The very symbol of knowledge and wisdom! Your vision becomes a reality Sir. And I will bestow an honorary degree upon you to fulfil this dream. No one will accuse you as being uninformed anymore…

President: What a year it has been. I launched this vision back in 2007 and today on the eve of my incumbency, I unveil together with our motherland Princess our very own house of knowledge provided by the wisdom of a visionary leader who will stand firm to protect ‘nou ban aki’ from this curse of pirates & corsairs.

Bawi: Indeed Sir. The Princess will be thunderstruck by all our achievements. Hope she has not got wind from the Commonwealth about Gappy Boy’s intrigues in stifling democracy so that we can cling on till kingdom come…

With a ‘Filozofi’ for everyone to emulate, the President contemplates the year 2010 as a milestone in his presidency. He believes he has ridden the storm of bankruptcy and his last bid for the throne has had the blessing of the Pontiff and is now being endorsed by British Royalty. Onward to the big celebratory mother carnival next year!!


Anonymous said...

A sa moman dan nou listwar, pou mwan se bidze 2011 ki pli enteresan e enkyetan pou mwan. Governman pe ganny en sans pou adres nou lavi e lavenir. Me eski sa governman i pare pou azir responsab e profesyonel?

Avek tou sa legzamp ki zot pe don etranze ( Vatican, Malta Order, UniSey, Prenses, IMF, WTO etc...)ki zot en governman ki matir an deor Sesel, esk PL i egalman pare pou montre nou ki zot serye ek nou larzen, matir ek nou lavenir dan sa bidze, dan en lanen eleksyon?

Mon pans pa.


Anonymous said...

E ou la Bee,

Met dan ou gro koksis ki sa government i ennan en mandat pou fer sa ki zot in ganny electe pou fer. Ki ou pe araz ou lekor?.

Le pep Seychellois ya va pas zot zizman zot mem akoz zot mem zot ki Plaintiff, Prosecutor, Judge, Jury and Executioner.

Ekout bien ler Ti Kreol Le O i Koze

Anonymous said...

Did you notice that by the time she had to shake hands with James Michel, Princess Anne was wearing gloves . Who can blame her ? Unlike James Michel, we do not think his hands are clean.

Anonymous said...

Another brilliant piece of writing. Do you have bugs at State House?

Anonymous said...

Quite funny and I love reading Seychelles Comedy State House Anytime Now. Someone should make a play out of the episodes and I believe if Michel, Barry Faure, Jeanpaul Adam, Joel Morgan and others saw themselves for what they really are, they could see the funny side of this.

Comedy it is at State House today and in our country. Just watch the announcement of the ridiculous 3 Billion Rupee budget soon and then watch the comedy unfold in the Assembly where Marie-Louise and the Lepep clan will sing the praises of their grand master. Watch the floodgates open, watch the pay raise for public sectors, watch the army men get special houses, watch the sale of Valabhji cars and jeeps shoot through the roof for the leeches, spies and suckers of the party. Then watch Wavel and his band of merry followers follow suit and vote with their suitors.

I really can't wait for 2011, the election year where we will have carnivals, jeu des iles, elections, festival kreol, lakadans and more parties to drown our sorrows while our young girls get pregnant by our young intoxicated pti men and where drugs will flow freely since Escobars are still on the loose. Watch Gappy manipulate the voter registry and watch dead people and ghosts coming out of Mont Fleuri cemetery to vote. Watch 16 year olds become 21 and with a new ID card. Watch Joel sell flat screens, cookers and microwaves to the party to be used for giveaway votes. Watch the MNAs come out of the cold to tell us what they will do for us in the FUTURE. Watch Meriton fix everything in 3 months, and watch Per Fondater make his rounds to intimidate the old people. Oh, and let us not forget our old people who will be transported in BMWs to go and vote.

Onwards to democracy, and onwards to capitalism at its best.

Anonymous said...

Sa bidze 3 billion pou touy nou. Oli IMF? Oli ser sang?

Anonymous said...

HRH Princess Anne is well aware of the Seychelles history and Michel's involvement in the coup detat and the murders of our citizens. Glad that she wore gloves to show that she did not want to touch that killer Michel. Her hands are indeed clean. No amount of soap or trips to the Vatican can cleanse blood off the hands of James Michel and Albert Rene.

Anonymous said...

Me thinks there is much jealousy and envy in the swadizan blanc de blanc, when they see James and Khalifa dines with the very royalty they can only polish pictures of in their living room!

Now go put Mr. Sheen on your picture of Princess Anne and keep dreaming that you are closer to her than ordinary Seselwa!

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

It would be nice if the first lady had the same dress sense as Mrs Mondon.
Maybe the state can appoint a stylist at her disposal.The blue dress she wore at state house when she met with her royal highness was inappropriate for a first lady.
No I'm not jealous I'm embarrass on her behave.

Anonymous said...

I still can not understand,How can Princess Anne can shake a hand with a murder like Micehel.

Anonymous said...

HRH Princess Anne-

Was coming to Seychelles for a trip to Aldabra.

St.Ange, looped her into a visit expenses included to get publicity for promoting Seychelles as a destination internationally.

Hats off to St. Ange for thinking out of the box as he does.

The shaking of Michel's hands, and gloves, and Plato in the car park, are all incidences of the visit indeed.

Conclusions of jealousy however, are a bit far off the cliff.....St. Ange took steps to invite her as he does any VIP that can help Seychelles as a destination....because he does not have the budget to do the job effectively.

Nothing to be jealous over that.

You PL Collaborators are use to so much bad news over yourselves, when a little good news comes your way, you go over the top and even lose your composure as adults.

We have a country to run, not a country club!


Anonymous said...

Ti Kreol,

I mon devwar koman en sitwayen dan mon pei, pou mwan konsernen avek tou sa ki pase dan mon pei.

Sesel i pou nou tou. I pa pou zis ou e PL ki kontinyelman vol nou a nou lavenir.

La prosen fwa, met plis keksoz konkret dan ou largiman, apart ki parol vilger. Met enpe lespri.

Definitivman lepep pou pas zot zizman. Fodre laplen i kare e sa zizman i ganny fer dan a sitiasyon ki zis e egal.

Eski sa pou arive?

Mon pans pa.


Anonymous said...

Yes for sure it is the green eyed monster!

Mr. Sheen I say, more Mr. Sheen!

Anonymous said...

Come on Gill you are slipping!

Surely its a better story to say Kalifa paid the Queen to visit UAE. And then he put little bit more to send the junior Anne to Seychelles.

Maybe you need some Xeno to help you reach higher standard!


Anonymous said...

Green Bigotwa-cum Leader millionaire priest-

Your problem with Gill is that Gill knows more and does more about what is going on in Seychelles then you do.

You just sit around and collect your fat cat salary and wait for your fat cat pension.

Now, we can forgive you for all that, but you must first come to your senses and stop the non sense.


Anonymous said...

Would it not have been easier if they had moved the Zonm Lib statue to Unisey and leave Plato alone ?

Is that why Per Fondater was nowhere to be seen ? Or has Per Fondater metamorphosed into James Mancham who these days is never far from james Michel ?

I wonder what Princess Anne was thinking when James Michel introduced her to James Mancham (or was that Per Fondater) at the State House knees-up. She must have thought these were strange people around her.

Anonymous said...

There is no coverage of Princess Anne's visit in the British press. Her activities do not get wide coverage, unless she makes a gaffe. Check Google.

Now that Princess Anne has made an official royal visit (as opposed to a working trip to Aldabra), do not expect Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles or Prince William to come for an official visit for a few years. These are the people who will attract wide coverage in UK press and television. When will the Parti Lepep government get it right ?

Kenya got valuable coverage when it was disclosed that Prince William proposed to her fiancee there. The destination for the honeymoon is a political decision -- likely to be a major Commonwealth country like Australia or Canada.

Anonymous said...

I notice James Michel in his speech at Unisey recalled the visit of the Queen and her husband to Seychelles in 1972. He said he was delighted with these royak visits.

But didn't Albert Rene try to set off bombs in Victoria, the day before the Queen arrived, to stop the visit ?

The Queen has not been back since.

Now Parti Lepep government has to wait for a member of the royal family to stop over in Seychelles on their way to their business somewhere else, to try and convince them to spend a bit longer here.

Anonymous said...

Sooooooo much jealousy! Yes I'm sure those grapes are so sour!

Anonymous said...

Funny, indeed.

Anonymous said...

Africa-hating James Michel has managed to avoid going to Africa again. He missed the EU/Africa meeting in Libya (Africa). He knew about this meeting when he set the date for the opening of Unisey which was hastily arranged to coincide with Princess Anne's visit to Aldabra and Mauritius. He preferred to stay at home to rub shoulders with royalty.

The work to combat Somali piracy was left to the minions while James Michel enjoyed the honour of welcoming Princess Anne to Seychelles. He got his priorities wrong. Princess Anne is not in a position to influence British policies and in any case, as People Plus reminded us, the British people 'pe ser sang'.

The secondary consideration that the visit would generate publicity for tourism failed. There is not a word about the visit in the British media. Forget the French media -- the French chopped off the head of their monarch years ago.

So no international publicity for the visit and missed opportunities to combat piracy at the EU/Africa summit. The EU will treat James Michel with contempt when he next complains that the EU is not doing enough to combat piracy. The EU will say to him -- neither are you.

Anonymous said...

Tikolor, please note. The law-abiding opposition did not set off bombs on the eve of the royal visit, unlike SPUP in 1972.

The risk to Princess Anne was blood contamination from shaking hands with James Michel. But she came prepared -- she carried gloves.

Anonymous said...

still more grapes. 2010 has been a good year for grapes of the sour variety.

Anonymous said...

@ mr 'we have a country to run ,not a country club"
So build us a fucken dam !!


Anonymous said...

Princess Anne has the courage to visit Aldabra ,though the risk of being kidnapped by some hungry Somali pirates.

Have our coward commander in chief, fieldmarshal Michel ever set foot on Aldabra to at least pay visit to our men in uniform stationed there?

There was no coverage of Princess Anne visit becuase probably the Princess did not want the world to see her being accompanied by a would have been like having Mugabe accompanying the Queen.

And one more thing,
Sesel pou Seselwa.

Jeanne D'Arc

Anonymous said...

Mugabe accompanying the Queen of England is a good comparison.

The British Press obviously have not covered the visit, and for that the effort is a costly flop.

It is clear they forgot to give the Press in UK Free tickets on Air Seychelles, to complete the act.

But then again, maybe Princess Anne did not want the Press to come along for obvious reasons.

STB has done no less then 10 press releases on the event, hoping to catch something out of it.

The bait of course, did not work out as anticipated.

Lesson is this: Get bait that fish bite on to.

Anonymous said...

SBC would have us believed that Princess Anne can't speak and that everything she wants to say has to be relayed to us through Joel Morgan.

Of course we know that the Princess is an outspoken member of the British Royal Family. Joel Morgan, in the other hand, is an untrustworthy minister of Parti Lepep.

It follows that we do not believe Joel Morgan when he says that the Princess has praised James Michel and the Parti Lepep government.

Maybe James Michel's speech at the opening of Unisey rendered Princess Anne speechless. She has probably never witnessed the murder of the Queen's English before, as James Michel insists on delivering speeches in English to the embarrassment of his audience.

SBC chased after the Princess all the way to Aldabra until she flew off to Mauritius, in search of propaganda footage for the evening news.

Had Princess saw the need to make a statement on an international issue, such as conservation work on Aldabra, the visit would have been reported in the British media. Parti Lepep did not think about this. They were more interested in using the visit for party political propaganda for next year's presidential elections.

Anonymous said...

SBC chasing Princess Anne there can.
But to go and film what those Arabs,Russian,south Africa etc...what there are doing on the island you can not.

SBC why dont go to Praslin and film this dirty oil by PUC.
Which are affecting our health and our Plantation.


Anonymous said...

zoto be i ana "sour grapes" par grap isi!

Jammie said...

SBC would have us believed that Princess Anne can't speak and that everything she wants to say has to be relayed to us through Joel Morgan. Of course we know that the Princess is an outspoken member of the British Royal Family. Joel Morgan, in the other hand, is an untrustworthy minister of Parti Lepep. It follows that we do not believe Joel Morgan when he says that the Princess has praised James Michel and the Parti Lepep government. Maybe James Michel's speech at the opening of Unisey rendered Princess Anne speechless. She has probably never witnessed the murder of the Queen's English before, as James Michel insists on delivering speeches in English to the embarrassment of his audience. SBC chased after the Princess all the way to Aldabra until she flew off to Mauritius, in search of propaganda footage for the evening news. Had Princess saw the need to make a statement on an international issue, such as conservation work on Aldabra, the visit would have been reported in the British media. Parti Lepep did not think about this. They were more interested in using the visit for party political propaganda for next year's presidential elections.

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