Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

‘Nou ban aki’ goes to more foreigners while law & order in Seychelles is in tatters – a serious State House indeed!

JenPa gets to the office early to catch up with some of the latest thoughts going through his mind since the Seychelles President has hinted that he wanted to reshuffle and see a new team on board. Now that the privatization process is in full swing, the foreigners are grabbing what they can while the local mafia boys are in full acquisition mode and spending all their corrupt money before FIU gets to them. Meanwhile, we need to face the dilemma of rebuilding state structure from the ground up, starting with the Seychelles Police, the School System, the Environment, Fisheries, Tourism, Health…. oh, how we have messed up the country since 1977….

JenPa (sitting on the President’s desk before the old man gets in.. he is on the mobile phone, speaker on and chatting away to swimming partner Kenie Rubbers…).

JenPa: Hey my man, this "Nobody's Child" is a joke! This guy thinks he can use the old First Lady to pull strings at SBC. Little does he know you are our new Yes Man at SBC. A first class butterfly that can keep tabs on Jacqueline and Afif. We should not budge, and he can go jump on his dream train to Anse Royale.

Kenie Rubbers: Yes, well I may be able to swim butterfly first class, but I also joined Jj Spirit Foundation and became a Judge in the talent contest. So what’s next? Is there more to come? I want to serve Jj buddy.

JenPa: Don't worry my bosom buddy, I am cleaning house now. I am paving the way for the youth of Seychelles and will soon clean up this Council of Ministers with one sweep of my ‘balye zig’. There are too many ‘Afifs’ around and we will never progress. You can make a great Minister and use some of your brains and skills to being back law and order which is now one of our major weak points.

Kenie Rubbers: Well, if you need me to do a little hand shaking in the districts I can manage that as well. I hear that the ‘peron’ teams are not doing well at all. No one wants to listen to them and all are asking to see the President himself so that they can give him a good piece of their minds.

JenPa: I'll talk to the President about it and see his reaction. He is acting very serious these days, and is in a really bad mood. Hardly jokes anymore and is so worried about his looks! Since the high level meeting with Marylou, he has kept a low profile. You see, one cannot make progress by talking to oneself. This is what is happening. It is like a summit meeting of Parti Lepep every time. It gets us nowhere. I can foresee more disaster on the way. Thank God for Swine Flu as it gave us the opportunity to put a stop to these stupid district meetings. We now have time to look for a new strategy as these last ones are hard core Opposition districts. In fact Ken, I believe the President is panicking as he is starting to mumble to himself that the Opposition is gaining grounds in all districts.

Kenie Rubbers: Well, we could use some new comedy programs at SBC. Running the same programs for 30 years is already a world record. Let us try to entertain our people a bit more with some interesting stuff so that they can forget the hardships. And this Shillington book of historical lies and Ton Albert on SBC did not help our cause very much. Our people are tired of seeing this old man who will simply not go away. They need to see new, young fresh faces like ours JP. We are the future.

JenPa: Yes yes indeed Ken. I need some parts for my VW convertible and that is still hard to come by even with the reform thing. Now we have even given up on PUC. After Mukesh’s and Morin’s fiasco and 30 plus years of bad management, what did we expect? If not the Irish or the Arabs or the South Africans, we might as well give it to the French. At least you and I have French blood in us. There is still something funny about this whole French Suez takeover, and I think the old mafia boss at Barbarons has something to do with it. Reminds me of the SWAC and STAR deal with Desroches and Fat IDC Boy. But everywhere you look these days, there are more casualties. We have to stay alert my friend as the 2017 vision has shattered like a cheap mirror.

Mr. President enters the room with dark rings under his bulging eyes: JP, what in the world are you doing under my desk?

JenPa: Sir, Good morning to you sir. It is an honour to serve you. I was just cleaning and removing some dust from under your desk. With Swine flu about, I wanted to make sure you would be safe, just in case the dust particles contained the virus Sir.

Mr. President: JP, you are really truly the best Secretary of State any President could ask for. There are more viruses being unleashed on us. The drug problem is now out of control, with 4 new cases admitted to the Psychiatric Ward every day according to Maryse and one or two suicides per week. At this rate we will not have any youngsters in the Jj spirit foundation. I am also being faced with a major dilemma with the judiciary. Now that I have given the go ahead for the Ugandan to come in on this fat salary, all the other members are deserting us. We are in trouble JP.

JenPa: Well Sir, we can always call on some of our ex-ministers like Herminie who have become lawyers and appoint them as judges! Even Renaud would love such a key post. It will absolve him of his past deeds as you know he used to love pouncing on these young ladies who worked for him.

Mr. President: Now don't confuse me early in the morning as we have serious business today. Our meeting with the Sheikh did not yield much. Only a mere 3 million dollars per year over ten years is all I could squeeze out of the guy. This will not take us a long way into our next election and over the IMF crisis.

JenPa: Yes Sir. And he said that was for prosperity and progress. We thought we were generous in giving him the ex-US Tracking Station land for one rupee so that one day he would repay back with a huge lump sum. It is true when dogs are skinny, ticks do attack them more.

Mr. President: Indeed JP. I desperately need a makeover now that things have quietened down in August. Call the Swedish massage specialist from Hilton, call the manicure girls from Four Seasons, and call the Filipino foot masseuse from Banyan Tree. I need them all to pamper me right now as I am stressed out. I will also have to take a couple weeks break to Singapore and see if I can get another facial makeover. Those bags under my eyes are becoming larger and they look like rubber balls. I seriously need a makeover.

JenPa: Excuse me Sir, did I hear you say Kenie Rubber as a new Minister Sir?

Mr. President: New Minister? JP, are you also on drugs? I said I wanted RUBBED, so get to it now!

Jenpa exits to try and find essential oils to give to the Swedish masseuse specialist in order to soothe the pain these new Gucci loafer shoes have been inflicting upon Prezzy’s toes. “I am really tired of being the white boy around here… After all, I am just like Hillary Clinton the US Secretary of State. I am sure she is not running around getting massage oils for Obama… I need another plan to take over around here….”.

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