Thursday, July 8, 2010

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Sheik your booty & beggars’ paradise!

Despite the supplementary budget to keep going, the Seychelles President is finding it hard to sustain all the activities & dates crammed into his diary. When disaster strikes he needs to look abroad. Charity seems to be a new resource found in abundance in the Middle East. We cannot seem to find a drop of it at home. All we need to do is wiggle it a little bit and the Sheik will gratify. In this beggar’s paradise, the saviour is a Mage with a big heart bearing gifts to make up for all the tax free extravaganza...

BAWI: Jambo Bwana! I’m so elated to have weathered my first week by your side. I note that your newly appointed Lizzy is indeed like your guardian lizard on the wall. Nothing seems to escape her piercing gaze. She makes sure that she gobbles up all the bugs that might come your way.

Mr. President: Of course my man! She underwent intensive on-the-job training in her field. She is so proud to be by my side. This is what a presidential entourage is all about. All my needs, wishes and desires are catered for Bawi. I need to call on several aides to ensure that I am able to perform. This noble task is getting more complicated by the day. I will have to call on JP whenever we have those dignitaries visiting State House as he is used to my little habits and he is a reassuring figure. Now that he is the boss at Maison Queau, I need to remind him that I still have my diplomatic touch.

BAWI: Of course Sir. We are the best tandem pairing in the business. The Abbot and Costello double act of Seychellois diplomacy. You will note that I gave him the honour of opening the canteen at MOFA so that he can blend into the landscape there. The ribbon cutting ceremony was a perfect way to usher him into his seat. I did leave my mark though with an award scheme to boost the motivation of the staff. We are the young generation brimming with new ideas. You are indeed well surrounded my good Bwana. You also have the youngest and most qualified VP in our history by your side.

Mr. President: I am humbled by this great youthful presence around me. Danny Boy’s Cubanomics seems to be hitting the right notes. I never thought he could orchestrate such a masterstroke to get us out of this hole. The latest IMF report card is unbelievably incredible. Soon we will have the Paris Club wipe out all our debts. We have a 0.4% GDP growth and got a couple more million dollars disbursed. Enough to cover the expenses of the president’s office! The new tax reforms will adjust for inflation and we will clip the wings of those legislators who have lost touch with their people and riding in big jeeps like little princes on their fat salaries.

BAWI: Sir, I have conducted my research and found that you desperately need to boost the sales for your book of speeches. I have instructed Srdjana to come up with a TV advert to that effect. Your masterpiece will also be available in duty free shops so that we can target the overseas market since the local market could not be bothered. You have to outsell the ‘Torch of Freedom’ and ‘Portrait of a Struggle’ if you want your legacy to outlive you. The 4x4 machine was brought up on Per Fondater’s teachings and today we have infiltrated State House. Not bad for a fairy tale that started off on the shores of Lake Victoria...

Mr. President: This is what we call a great success story Bawi. You guys have been faithful since your early childhood. Your big bro cut his teeth in finance since the days when he was selling ‘The People’. He is now teaching IMF a thing or two. With tourism revenues down by 20% and fishing down by 50%, we are riding the perfect storm pretty well. Everyone seems to have forgotten about the $2.5 billion that flew away...

BAWI: Indeed Sir. Sheik Khalifa is now the new pillar of the economy as his Antonovs provide us with a lifeline, loaded with cement, water tanks, pipes, marble, palace furnishings, construction workers and much, much more. He is our saviour and his generous offers range from two generators for $18million, diagnostic centre for $10 million, over $ 38 million for new buses... The list is endless Sir. I did baffle them with the Vienna convention diplomatic immunity talk to cover up everything.

There is a sudden knock on the door and Lizzy ushers in Jomo who has turned up for his first briefing as the Home Affairs chief.
BAWI: Voila l’homme! Buenos dias Hombre! The man with the multiple hot potato portfolios! I do admire your tenacity and determination in the face of all these deflating criticisms and morganatic rumors about a ‘rock siren’ grinding you down.
Mr. President: So main man of the home run! What are your latest achievements? I can see that you are taking Regar to task and have asked for close to a million. Remember that you still have a $4.5 million hole to fill.JoMo: A very good day to you Sir. I am happy to see Bwana Bawi by your side. A worldly man who made sure that our voices were heard in Brussels. I had the immense pleasure of working the EU corridors of power with him when we brokered the new fisheries agreement. We have come a long way since then…

BAWI: Thank-you, thank-you. You’re far too kind! This elf of a man has the equivalent brain power of the whole Equator Institute Sir. You were wise to hand him the Home affairs portfolio.

JoMo: Sir, we have made excellent progress lately. My Gurkhas have landed and taken up their positions. I dare those cowboys to make the great escape again! We have installed some latest, state of the art flight monitoring system at SCAA which I had the honor to inaugurate. We are now ready for any pirate attack. The computer screens can pick up any suspect flying skiffs in the blink of an eye and an alert system is connected to our Gurkha garrison. We are in the process of electronically tagging the few Somali pirates in our custody so that they can be released on electronic bail.

Mr. President: You should now also be able to monitor all these flights in and out of Desnoeufs loaded with birds eggs destined for the ‘dalons’ and ‘copains’ in the region. The IDC prince will have nowhere to hide. He can go play with his lego set and build helicopters in his sand pit. I will bring back the NYS if I have to so that he can be taught a lesson in egg picking.

JoMo: Sir, we have also benefitted from his Highness’ generosity with the arrival of the new buses we promised at your district meetings. Lady Vero is over the moon! She was not too happy with the reduction in the bus fares but we have made up for it with those spanking new wheels. She is now on the lookout for those vandals as she nurses her little bump.

Mr. President: Great my man! You are so sleek at managing those complex issues. You need to take on my mantle from now on and pay regular visits to our comrades in arms. A PR exercise is needed now that we are getting close to the elections to reassure the police and the army that we will look after them well. Many thanks for this inciting brief. Bawi will see you out. Keep up the good work and don’t get too entangled in those lawsuits as they will only drain you out even more.

Phew! This SOS seat is really hot indeed! Bawi loves those intricate manoeuvrings along the sidelines. He enjoys his privileged position between boss and bro. JenPa now floats in and out of the abode to stay in the limelight. But the force is with the 4x4 and they can unleash their lethal sting whenever they are cornered. Pa seye ban la!


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