Sunday, May 31, 2009

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

The unity dilemma & more outflows

Now that we have some pirates in our capture, it is time to see some hard negotiation from Morgan on the hostage issue. It seems that the unity meetings in the districts have taken a disastrous turn. Fingers are being pointed left right and centre. Now comes more of the ‘empty chair’ districts… On the “All the President’s’ men” (special advisers) front, it seems that RAN DOFF will be making off to an international posting in Kenya, while DOC ROFF is also seeking some greener pastures, we are told…

JenPa: Good Morning Sir! May the Jj Spirit be with you! The districts are proving tougher by the day and as Jimmy Cliff sings, ‘There are more, Questions than Answers’…I cannot foresee how we are going to cope with all the fixing and ‘get ladan’ for the forthcoming years.

Mr. President: Indeed JP. We have asked the people to voice their aspirations on the future of our country and they are telling us the truth. Despite us trying to tell them that we are honest and telling the truth, we cannot be believed. I did my show of hands at Port Glaud to try and clear my name and it has now become the talk of the town. But I was part of the Coup and cannot seem to shake this off.

JenPa: Sir, you have spoken. The Jj fever seems to have caught on. I thought we might have caught this H1N1 stuff upon our return from the last trip. I could not help the cramps when Mr. White last visited us…

Mr. President: Yes, I also summoned our good old Doc Roff to act as my personal GP and check on me. He did diagnose a mild form which he labelled “chronic, terminal Jj fever”. He then took off telling me that he has to go check his emails for a job application at UNDP. He is out of here before he catches this fever.

JenPa: Sir I think we are doing a great job at the play acting. Mr. White did have pity on us with this feverish demeanour and we have managed to secure the surveillance deal to better monitor the pirates. I also gather that Ran Doff is taking some sabbatical to land in Kenyan Tuna. He has realised that our shoals are heading closer to where the pirates are and we can appoint him as an informant.

Mr. President: Well JP, at least we have not done too badly on the diplomatic front. Ambassadors seem to put in the good word for our bold and resilient restructuring plan. I liked the delivery of my speech at the Finance conference. The lectern and the teleprompter worked well. I am starting to like this Obama style… I will take your recent advice and be more visible with my wife and family so that I can portray more the family man image.

JenPa: Sir, we should come to some form of compromise on the National Day issue this year. I am a product of the June 77 Revolution and I think that we should look at turning over a new leaf. This is an old era that we have to put behind us and honour Mancham’s pledge to amputate this dead leg.

Mr. President: This is precisely what I have been trying to do. Unfortunately we have committed mistakes and we need that honesty to come out. If we get everyone to sing to this tune (nou bezwen koste) then we will have a fabulous choir that will make our nation proud. It is a great idea to launch a song competition within the Jj Spirit framework. Then we have a song for the movement. Similarly to how we used to do it in the days of the NYS, Young Pioneers etc…

JenPa: Sir, Doc Roff gave “Sir James” a bit of a hiding with his 16 Point document to the National Day Committee. He is advocating that we bury the past and look to the future. It is the future that we have to focus on and who better than someone as experienced as you Sir. You have been in education, information, defence, finance, the longest serving member of the cabinet and can be trusted to chart our future course. We can still seek some steering lessons from Captain Uncle.

Mr. President: We can chart a good course out of these dangerous waters JP. I have total confidence that Danny can take us forward with gusto. He has good training in brain control and has revived the NYS memories. We are on the right track my man. Together with the Jj Spirit we can have a massive force.

JenPa: Sir but the pulse from the districts seem to confirm that the people are being neglected and they are noticing the gap between the haves and the have-nots. We are supposed to be running a clean, transparent government but we have this old ‘revolution’ legacy that keeps tying us down. Able bodied seamen are dropping dead around us like flies. We cannot explain all the mysterious resignations and the Central Bank saga is about to burst its big ‘sosis’ right in our faces.

Mr. President: Yeah JP. These district meetings are really proving to be a nightmare for me. It shows how disjointed and bare my cabinet is. We have no trophies to show and plenty of skeletons that we are trying to hide. Despite the overseas corps patting us on the back, our people have now realised that we have run out of excuses from our bag of tricks.

JenPa: And the inside information I have is that everyone seems to be running their own little side shows. We all know that it will take a good ten years to fix this mess. So the best strategy will be to call early elections and hope that the Jj fever has claimed enough victims for us to scrape through another mandate. Then you do a ‘pass the baton’ dance routine like Ton Albert did. Et voila, no more worries Monsieur le retired Colonel de la Revolution!

Mr. President: Brilliant idea JP. I got the baton in 2004 so I can retire in 2014. So I will not be held accountable for this ‘Stratezi 2017’ experiment anymore. That’s 10 years and two mandates at the ripe old age of 70! I will have my place in history as the longest serving politician. And what a career it has been. From rags to riches! I can then contemplate on my memoire like Obama. I will call it ‘The Audacity of Survival’…

The President opens his left hand drawer and pulls out a brown envelope containing bits and bobs that retrace part of his legacy (old Nation articles, old black & white pictures of the coup d’état gang, a copy of Albert Rene’s book ‘The Torch of Freedom’ etc..) and hands it over to JenPA. This will form the basis of at least the first ten chapters of this manuscript that will surely become a bestseller…


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