Saturday, May 2, 2009

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Misery Loves Company at the Seychelles State House

The District meetings with the President are not working out well. Mr. Seychelles President is being hit hard with questions from the audience. He has totally underestimated the turnout and the mood of the people. Old women are embarrassing him publicly. Most men ignore him and do not even bother to attend the meetings. Jj has to go back to old communist dog tactics to pull off next meetings on Praslin. But all is not well.

JenPa: Good Morning Sir, did you sleep well last night knowing that 10 Seychellois are being held hostage by Somali pirates King Gadeed?

Mr. President: Yes. But this morning I am really worried about the Praslin meeting. I have been travelling with Liz so much I forgot all about Praslin and those die hard SPPF in Baie St. Anne, our last hold out.

JenPa: Ah Mr. President, don't worry about it. We opened the Pension Fund Building project - the one Sosis fathered - twice there last year and we opened the Jj Spirit internet center, once, so relax. Praslin will always be SPPF.

Mr. President: I don't know Jenpa, puff, I am worried. In the last election we lost a few hard core districts. Now La Digue is threatening to go Opposition. Praslin can swing you know. Mitcy has been giving out houses to her family and relatives, she leaves other people in real need that do not support her under... rocks I heard, is that true?  She runs the place like she is the Queen of Sheba. Ministry of Employment is not independent, PDF is scared of her, Gardette is scared of her, Kannen is scared of her? The hospital is scared of her. If so many people are scared of her, we might lose the vote. You know JenPa, I am scared of her. In fact, just to be safe, call her, tell her to prep her questions. When we are finished with the Grand Anse meeting, we will meet her at her house. Then we can go over the questions for Baie St. Anne to keep things looking good. I need to know what will be asked. Tell her no tricks, make sure no one burns in a truck or gets tossed under a bridge before I get there.

JenPa: Yes Sir, I will do that. Safe is best!

Mr. President: Also, call Mark Volcere, from Grand Anse. Tell him its time for pay back for the Pearl Class tickets and accommodation and meals for the VIP Rodrigues trip in February 2009. I want him to get out of his red jeep and start walking around to meet with people and give them written invitations to attend the Grand Anse meeting on Saturday. I want this room filled to the top - over flowing, with supporters. Even if he has to pay 500 rupees per head to every Guiness drinker under a coconut tree, I want this hall filled with excitement. Also tell him to screen out all women that are suffering. I do not want to have to deal with suffering questions, it makes me look bad. Look what happened at Cascade. Keep all the suffering people out. It makes the Jj SPIRIT team look useless and confirms the accusation that we are incompetent, which maybe likely very true.

JenPa: Yes of course, Sir. How are we going to get everyone to Praslin Sir?

Mr. President: Now you know why I am President and you are the Seychelles Facebook King, my boy! Call Praslin Express, tell them to reserve the boat. They have to pay back too. Remember when we squeezed BIG JOE and 4 COCOS into paying for fuel in foreign exchange? Well, JenPa, you tight butt handler, Express was paying fuel in Seychelles Rupees and we turned a blind eye. They used Praslin Dolphin to buy fuel then they pumped it into Express.  Big Joe needed to be cut down to size, so we helped Express get going. Tell them its time to payback or we will charge them Euros for fuel. Ignore Joe for now, but get a true SPPF supporter in the Praslin meeting to bring up the high cost of concrete blocks and macadam. Then watch me deal with him and call him one of those greedy merchants who is malonet and making millions off our poor supporters.

JenPa: Mr. President, you are well networked and so powerful; I am so impressed Sir. Indeed Big Joe is too much of an arrogant SOB and should be cut down to size. Ton Albert was good at wringing his neck and making him pay millions in donations.  By the way, can you tell me where I can get a case of Amstel long necks? Or better still some Corona beer that I can enjoy with a twist of lemon. I am tired of Seychelles beer.

Mr. President: Only Glenny has those contacts JenPa, you will have to milk your cousin for a long neck you swimmer cum sooner or later boozer- under my administration! Beware of those Mexican beers. I do not want you to come down with this swine flu virus! Or any other viruses for that matter… so watch the company you sleep with.

JenPa: Ah, thank you for the contact Sir! I will contact old 'kouzin', before he is taken by a pirate for a cannibal feeding. Boy, wouldn’t that be a jackpot if the pirates took my fat cousin?

Mr. President: Yes, you have a point JenPa, he has gotten quite large since feeding off our IDC resources. I even hear there is a turtle farm on Farquhar too and meats and tortoise shells are being exported.  My spies and contacts will bring pictures soon and I will deal with him. For now though, we need the commissions from the Desroches villa sales and those racist white boys from South Africa. Remember, Seeva wants his money back, and the coffers are quite empty at the moment.  So we can’t hit the BIG BOY too hard.

JenPa: Maybe he and Mitcy can exchange dresses in the crisis to save us money on material.

Mr. President: That's a thought JenPa, let's think this one over.

Misery does love company! Jenpa walks out of his office perplexed and in wonder as to how in the hell did his cousin get so large, how many 'fouke', 'torti', 'marswen', 'dizef zwazo', may have fallen prey to his close relative's appetite unlimited, the master outer lsland consumer of national resources JenPa thought to himself. Then he looked at his lean swimmer-build and felt proud to prefer long neck beer bottles over pork belly curry or 'letoufe fouke'.


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