The Seychelles Column - By Christopher Gill

Where Is The Forensic Audit?  By Christopher Gill

The Michel Administration has been big on talk about transparency in government but VERY SILENT on accountability. Thus far, we have only seen him bury issues in water drinking committees and we have yet to see any discrepancies highlighted or actions taken by his administration. According to Michel, all is on the up and up and all monies and resources are well accounted for under his Administration. Corruption does not exist in the Central Bank or his Government. It is found only in the Police Force, according to Michel Administration jargon. 

Well, as the birdie presidency continues to stick its head in the sands of Beau Vallon, we have a patriotic obligation to help him pull his head out of the dark sands of denial and help him breathe the air of our reality with us. If Michel fails to take appropriate action where corruption and funds have gone unaccounted for, and individuals have benefited improperly from ill gotten wealth, then we must campaign for his removal and his own accountability, to the People. We can also safely assume that he is also part of this grand scheme of fleecing our country for the best part of his five years at the helm. Failing that, we will join Michel in his drowning sorrows of incompetency, which places blame on everyone’s desk except his own – with the catastrophic risk of plunging this country into the abyss, buried under a mountain of debt which will burden our children’s children for decades to come.

Enter Price Waterhouse Cooper International Accounting Firm

To buy time and achieve some semblance of credibility at the Central Bank of Seychelles, the Michel Administration has engaged the services of Price Waterhouse Cooper (international accounting firm) to audit the books of the Central Bank after I wrote two articles on the matter in 2008: 1. ‘A Report on Corruption Allegations at the Central Bank ‘- Seychelles Weekly, October 31, 2008 and 2. ‘Seychelles Needs A Forensic Audit!’ -  Seychelles Weekly, December 12, 2008.

We are still waiting for the Michel Administration’s  action concerning these allegations which places  the state of finances of the Republic of Seychelles in an unfavorable (if not tainted) light,.

With all due respect to Price Waterhouse Cooper international accounting firm, for starters, we want the following allegations clarified to restore integrity to the Seychelles financial system managed by the Central Bank of Seychelles. By engaging in this exercise, Price Waterhouse Cooper takes on a noble task to shed some light on all these controversies and hopefully clarify all those dealings (murky or otherwise),  done in the name of the people of Seychelles. Let us all hope it does not take the path of the once Masters of the Universe, Lehman Brothers – and lose its credibility in the process!

Allegation One

Is it true that Francis Chang Leng, former Governor of Central Bank of Seychelles, used Sr.8 Million on personal related expenses in 2006-2007 for himself and his traveling staff?  If not, quantify all expenses Mr. Chang Leng made in 2006- 2007 and parts of 2008 for traveling, clothing, hotels, airline tickets, entertainment and correlate the expenditures with the related business.

 Allegation Two

Was Central Bank staff paid salaries that were disproportionate to corresponding EP levels in the Government of Seychelles?  In spite of the assumed independence of the Central Bank, is it acceptable for the Michel Administration to allow the abuse of salary structures for some sections of government, while causing to take leave 2,000 employees as part of its macro-economic program?

I call on Pierre Laporte to make public these salary structures and advise what reductions he has made if any while assuming the role of Governor of the Central Bank. If he has not made any reductions, I ask him to pronounce himself as to whether or not he believes the bloated salaries for some staff is justifiable at a time when he is implementing severe, painful measures that are adversely affecting the entire Nation. Just to keep things on the up and up, I ask Mr. Pierre Laporte to publish his own salary and perks received each year. While the Central Bank is independent, it is not free of the free blog press and the people have the right to question any elected or appointed officials that have been mandated to serve our Nation.

Allegation Three  

It has been alleged that as Mr. Francis Chang Leng’s days drew to a close, he was rapidly renovating the Central Bank of Seychelles building. As our economy was collapsing, the Central Bank underwent a renovation allegedly worth Sr.16 Million - Sr. 20 Million. 

I call on the international auditors of Price Waterhouse Cooper, to make public the expenditure and payments for this lavish renovation that is allegedly 15 million Seychelles Rupees over and above the actual cost of the building. There was no local tender for the project either – most of the expenses paid to a company in Singapore in precious foreign exchange.

 Allegation Four

As silence has prevailed by the Board of Directors of the Central Bank, it is now time to shed some light on them. 

Mr. Francis Chang Sam has been a Director of Central Bank by appointment as Attorney General. After his resignation as Attorney General, he maintained his directorship and assumed the role of legal counsel to the Central Bank. Mr. Chang Sam is also the personal counsel to Francis Chang Leng and a close friend. 

I ask that Price Waterhouse Cooper disclose all the legal fees paid to Francis Chang Sam for all the transactions involving Lehman Brothers bonds, most recently, the $230 million bond issue and the dubious Euro 54.75 million private bond issue. Include the payments which were made to offshore accounts and not in Seychelles, if any. Balance these payments with what is legally acceptable to charge as fees in Seychelles. Please bear in mind that at the time, it was illegal for a Seychellois to transact in foreign exchange, unless approved by the Central Bank. Finally, recall well, that Mr. Chang Leng was already a Director of the Central Bank, hence retained to give advice already. Additional sums if received would not be in order and will demonstrate a high degree of lack of professionalism, ethics and integrity.

Allegation Five

It is alleged that the former Governor of the Central Bank is still drawing a monthly Sr.32, 000.00 pension which is not in his contract or provided for under the Central Bank Act of 2004. Is this part of the golden parachute deal he cut with President James Michel?

We ask the JJ Spirit team to clarify with Price Waterhouse Cooper, whether or not, it is appropriate for an ex-Governor of the Central Bank to receive an ongoing retirement pension of Sr. 32,000.00 per month, when it was not in his contract of employment in the first place, especially in these difficult economic times when ordinary workers are being laid off?

Allegation Six

It is alleged that Mr. Chang Leng received a termination package of Sr.1.3 Million. This package is not provided for under the Central Bank Act 2004 nor is it part of his contract. If this is true, can Price Waterhouse Cooper recommend that this money be returned to the People of Seychelles? 

It is further alleged that this package was never passed by Central Bank Board resolution. If true the Board of the Central Bank is a melting pot that cooks chicken, beef, pork , fish curry and other nasty things at the same time and ought to be disbanded immediately to restore credibility to the Bank. 

Allegation Seven

I ask Price Waterhouse Cooper to determine through forensic audit, how much money was really disbursed in the Tokyo Mitsubishi Bank loans. What commission money was paid and how were funds expended. Which accounts did that money go to in its totality? How much did Mr. Chang Sam and Mr. Chang Leng receive if any, directly or indirectly? Please set the record straight.

Allegation Eight

I ask Price Water House and Cooper to also investigate the Citi Bank facility transactions and the ABN AMRO loan deals for the same details and make them public. Were Directors upholding their Duty of Care or were they careless? 

Were any monies deposited in Liechtenstein offshore companies and accounts belonging to Mr. Chang Leng and cohorts to defraud the People of Seychelles?

There are more points to highlight concerning other Directors, if they do not press for accountability upon Mr. Pierre Laporte, to cause Price Water House Cooper to get to the bottom of this alleged gross abuse of public funds. I will refrain from chopping the bamboo gardens at one go. Now muster your courage Directors, before your fate becomes a bamboo fish trap similar to the resignation of your master ex- Governor Francis Chang Leng.

I call on the Leader of The Opposition to insist on the creation of an independent Committee that will review and make recommendations for prosecution if necessary, resulting from the audit of the Central Bank of Seychelles accounts by Price Waterhouse and Cooper. It is the very least that we can do in the spirit of openness and accountability. It is our duty to curtail the abuse and bring to justice those who keep using their position of high office to fleece our country of its meager financial resources for their own personal benefits.

Corruption is the root of all evil and the cancer that is eating at the core of our society. The Michel Administration now needs to engage its muscles into action to rid our country of this scourge once and for all. We are still waiting on the famous ‘Judge me by my actions’ President who promised a new departure of a clean government. If he is unable to clean up the past acts of the Central Bank and its shady ex-Governor then it is beyond reasonable doubt that he is the main conductor of this cacophonic orchestra that is all out to fool its people in order to maintain its power at all costs, while the pillaging continues unabated – with the man at the helm conveniently turning a blind eye...  

 If this does not get birdie to pull his head out of the sand, then do not say that I did not tell you so. The storm is already upon us. The ostrich syndrome will sink us even further into this black hole.

My intermediary advice to Mr. President is this. Start getting used to not having coffee in the morning with Mr. Chang Leng to scheme on how to keep these best kept secrets under wraps. Remember, where it concerns the People's money, there is no compromise SPPF. The truth will come back to haunt you.

May God Bless All Freedom Loving Seychellois and Our Beloved Seychelles!

 

 

 

Seychelles State House Comedy - Playing at a theatre in Victoria

State House Anytime Now

New SOS on the block – Save Our Seychelles; and not to be confused with "Gros Sosis"

With Orderly out of the picture, it is time for the new generation from the rainbow stock to glow in this modern age of a battered and bruised State House. Integrity is at its lowest ebb and there is a strong movement for a more credible alternative to lead this country out of its morass. To counter this, JenPa senses that he has a chance of a lifetime to cling to Michel and force some sort of a youth revolution ‘A la Française’. The stage is set for his career defining interview and he briefs Mr. President on this latest media masterstroke...

JenPa: Konnichiwa Mr. President! I was up all night to prepare for this interview with SBC. I am indebted to you for this meteoric rise in the ranks at our beloved State House. I will serve you with diligence and will be at your every beck and call. As you know, I have a huge following in the youth ranks and we will create a new revolutionary movement.

Mr. President: Kanpai JP. Albert had his ‘Solda Rene’ and I need to get this new Jj Spirit movement up and running as my popularity is fading fast. We have desperately tried to paint a rosy picture for my five years in office but the odds are against us. I hope that you have some new tricks up your sleeve.

JenPa: Goshinpai-naku Sir. From now on we will create our own PR machine out of State House. We have started with the newsletter and we will make it a point to use the gardens as the backdrop for our interviews. I will be conducting mine and will be doing my self- introduction. I will put forward your noble cause of giving the youth a chance. I will show that despite my tender age, I have been exposed to lots of stuff. My formative years in the diplomatic corps will ring well with the intellectuals and the fact that I was discovered by Orderly will prove that there is continuity and we are cut from the same fabric.

Mr. President: I have not much of a choice my man! I did raid the Ministry of Foreign affairs when I took over five years ago but all the grey matter that I could count on has now taken flight. I am only left with yourself and Appoo. The Japanese promised that they would help out with a few robots here and there but they needed to fine tune the existing prototypes so that they can operate in a humid and tropical environment. I hear the new Honda humanoid model is called “Asimo” and quite brilliant.

JenPa: Aso! These Japanese are quite funny Sir. I was totally lost in translation on that trip. With all the seafood, butter fish, sushi, sashimi, beer and Sake in the system it was difficult to concentrate and focus on matters at hand.

Mr. President: We have to find another reason to visit this place again. I am quite fascinated by their complex culture and I find this Geisha tradition appealing. We need to start off a Geisha school locally so that we can add more sophistication to this new wave of prostitution that is hitting our shores.

JenPa: Very well Sir! I will send a note to the ministry concerned to look into this. It seems that the Japanese have promised a lot to us. I do not understand why they say ‘Aso’ to everything we ask and then tell us that we can do a study project.

Mr. President: Well you need to understand them my friend. They have perfected the art of projects and studies. Every idea has to undergo a project stage which then has to be studied and reviewed - a bit similar to the various committees that we create here to review all aspects that need urgent attention. The committees meet to review and discuss projects on a regular basis and this gives the impression that we are attending to matters at hand. Great way to confuse people when you don’t know what you are doing…

JenPa: Aso! We can surely learn a lot from these guys. Their savoir faire in the field of technology is unmatched. The respect they bestow on their elders and persons in authority is exemplary. We should start implementing a bowing ritual here at State House so that the visitors who call on us will treat you with the respect you deserve Sir.  Just like Obama bowing to the Saudi King a couple of weeks ago!

Mr. President: Kanpai JP! Too many people are taking me for a lightweight. I know that I do not master all those complex issues relative to the running of a country. But I was put in this chair to ensure that Albert Rene’s legacy lives on. We need to protect the revolution at all cost as long as the old man is alive. He is heading the Comrade Castro route and I know that all hell will break loose when his cigar extinguishes.  He was so close two weeks ago!

JenPa: I am sure that you do not want to be around when this happens, although a true State funeral might be good for your image. But you need to be discovering new avenues by then and leave it to the Jj Spirit Foundation to continue the reform. As you know there are several factions within the party but we are rising above all this with our movement. We are liberating the young generation to get them to think positive and forget about the hardships and tough economic times that we are under. I am the embodiment of these aspiring youths. Despite the little experience at least I have the ‘bonne volonte’ and courage that I mustered during my days at competitive swimming.

Mr. President: Kanpai JP! Experience is not the best virtue in this day and age. Albert chose me for my unwavering loyalty and not for the experience. This is where I am disgusted with some of those upstarts who think they know everything. They imagine life is like a bunch of roses which they can give out to every girlfriend that pulls a nerve inside their body. One cannot rule this country with the heart. This is something that I learned very well from Albert…  

JenPa: Indeed Sir. But we should not forget that we need to raise your profile which is currently quite dented. We need to exert all the influence we can in all circles. We need to be compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic, considerate, kindhearted, sensitive and bring back this caring thing…

Mr. President: Aso JP! There is a lot of apathy in this country and some of my team members are pathetic. We have to turn things around. Your idea of doing interviews on a regular basis will surely turn things around. The more I can be visible on the small screen; in all our papers etc… the better it is for me to reshape this profile. Do you think I am due for a facial makeover? I need to keep my appeal with this new generation that you are getting me to court as our base for the next elections… I need to be forever young like good old Mancham.

JenPa: Goshinpai-naku Sir. Will get all this organized and soon we will have our team of Geishas coming in courtesy of Mr. Aso.

Mr. President: Don’t forget to send over the refrigerated box of blue fin tuna loin, bigorno, birgo and banbara we promised him.  And tell big old Randolph at SFA that we need to offer a few more licenses to the Japanese long-liners.  Tell him to take a few away from the Taiwanese boats as we prefer a unitied China.

JenPa: Goshinpai-naku Mr. President. I have already dispatched the driver to take care of this and booked the cargo space on Emirates. I will now attend to my first press conference as the new SOS of this new generation of leadership. Sayounara…

Mr. President wishes JenPa the very best as he strolls into the gardens exuding an air of cockiness. He feels right at home in the driving seat of State House, his brain in overdrive as he turns the page on five years of bedlam to usher in a new era of controlled chaos... peppered with a fairy twist!

Seychelles Satire - State House Anytime Now

Seychelles Islands - State House Anytime Now Comedy Plays On...

The Rise of Emotions on the Five Year Anniversary

It is officially five years since Dictator, France Albert Rene had transferred power to his left little finger, James Michel and its is a period of chaos as Seychelles faces NATIONAL BANKRUPTCY, HOSTAGE CRISIS,PARIS CLUB, IMF, MOUNTING DEBTS, DRUGS SCOURGE, POVERTY... Mr. President has failed the People in just five short years. But being the actor he is, and craving all the publicity under the sun, he schemes a prop show in the majestic, tropical gardens of State House, manicured by unemployment relief workers.

JenPa: Good Morning Mr. President, have you rested from that terrible flight and the dreadful visit at the Coast Guard command?

Mr. President: Yes, a bit, but my eyes are puffing again, I need a shot of Botox to relax the wrinkles and make me look young again.

JenPa: Mr. President, age is not really an issue, look at Mancham, he is forever young. Some say, his brain is sharper then ever. Look at Sarah, she ages gracefully, and appears more commanding when she wears Kenwyn House jewelry. Everyone listens to her because she has more than anyone else. Age is not relevant, look at me, I am young and in charge of you. Today, Mr. President, you have been in power exactly five years.

Mr. President: Ok, so what do I do, what do I say?

Jenpa: First of all Sir, as a birthday present to your Presidency, I have called Air Seychelles and instructed Josie girl to offer special ticket prices to Mauritius, Singapore, and Moscow. Seychellois love to travel, and will be happy to take a little break after your five years in power. Sir, I just came on board, but it has been a damaging five years indeed. Our beloved Seychelles is coming apart under your Administration.

Wait Mr. President, do not interrupt me Sir, because we cannot afford these discount on Air Seychelles, we are keeping the taxes high, to fool the people and squeeze more money out of them to prop up our failures, so I have handled the Finance side as well, so Danny boy will not raise his voice.

Mr. President: JP, what would I do without you?

JenPa: Well sir, I do my best, and now we must plan you five year message to the Nation. But we will make it simple and glossy. No need for long dragging speeches like Orderly used to write to give you these tongue twisters. Only bullet points boss – like I do in my powerpoint presentations to the Jj spirit youth.

Mr. President: Careful my man! Don’t want to be playing around with bullets these days! Pirates are lurking and we do not want to engage their firepower. Yes, there is a desk I like but never use, along with some discarded codes of Seychelles, I can sit in front of them and deliver a strong speech of defiance in the face of failure to our people, SBC can play it over and over again, until I force people to love me and support the JJ Spirit.  By the way, any chance of getting a used teleprompter from Obama?

JenPa: Mr. President, you cannot be like Rene. People know you do not read Codes and Contracts, remember the $50 Million Penalty Clause in Lehman Brothers Contract? You see the mess in the Courts, the Prisons, the Police, this is all you after five years, so forget about trying to be strong and appear to know what you are doing. You have to move away from his style. Pirates are attacking us, we have 10 hostages, families are in despair, the economy, is down and worse than ever, you need to come across as being a compassionate President. Your compassion must overpower the people’s perception of your stupidity and incompetence. As simple as that, Sir!

Mr. President: So what do you propose JP, you are from the golden family, what would you do?

JenPa: Sir, we will call SBC as you said, but we will have you speak, not from State House desks, but from different flowery scenes in the garden. Seychellois all love a garden and I am a flower, Sir. We need to revert to flower power. We will have you sit on the bench and do a ‘tête à tête’ with the People, talk about what you want for them, take on a dream like state, smile, move your hands around. Do not talk about reality, nothing is working, help them forget about it, just for a moment, in the five years.

After the garden bench scene, just so people do not think you are waiting for the bus, we will take one of those barrel leather chairs, put in the garden, and remind people, you are the President. With this chair, you will look Presidential. The scenery, greenery and flowers in the background, will make you look handsome and attractive for younger gold diggers, after quick promotions and a new car.

Mr. President: JP, I love your creativity my man! It is easy to talk about aspirations and dreams.....reality is tough, and I have failed the people, just like Orderly, said over the phone, to his cohorts, who were paying attention to my incompetence.

JenPa: Yes Sir, from now on, we talk about dreams and aspirations, no mention of anything that comes close to reality.

Mr. President: What about the thirteen hostages, what do I say to them and their families? We cannot pay that money you know. And 13 is really an unlucky number…

JenPa: Mr. President, just say, “I feel your pain", and get on with it.

Mr. President: Ok JP, I will trust you on that.

JenPa: Better trust me Mr. President, since I will not advise you to trust yourself. After five years, you do not have a very good track record.

JenPa, walks out of the empty Presidential office, as his iPhone rings. It is one of the numerous girlfriends needing money to pay her PUC bill. Things are starting to get out of hand in this area. Managing the social agenda is starting to encroach on the serious stuff at State House as the lines between affairs of state, Jj spirit foundation and local babes seem to blur into a colourful rainbow… Ok… time to plan my move to become the new Secretary of State…after all, I deserve it! 

THE PARIS CLUB & SEYCHELLES AGREEMENT

THE PARIS CLUB AND THE REPUBLIC OF SEYCHELLES AGREE ON A NOMINAL DEBT STOCK CANCELLATION OF 45%

The representatives of Paris Club creditors and the representatives of the Government

of the Republic of Seychelles met on 15 and 16 April 2009 and agreed on a comprehensive

treatment of the Seychelles’ public external debt.

The delegation of the Republic of Seychelles described the challenging economic and

financial situation faced by its country and presented the main measures for recovery included in

the program of the Government of the Republic of Seychelles, supported by the Stand-By

Arrangement approved by the International Monetary Fund on 14 November 2008. Paris Club

members took note of the strong commitment of the Government of the Republic of Seychelles to implement the economic reforms under this program and reaffirmed their support. They recognized the efforts already made by the Government of the Republic of the Seychelles since the beginning of the IMF supported program.

They also welcomed the comprehensive debt reduction plan that the Government of the

Republic of Seychelles is committed to implement with all its external creditors.

The representatives of the Creditor Countries, aware of the exceptional situation of the

Republic of Seychelles and of its limited repayment capacity over the coming years, agreed on a

debt treatment to ensure its long term debt sustainability. To this end, they recommended that their Governments deliver an exceptional treatment providing a total amount of debt cancellation of 45% in nominal terms in two phases. The remaining amounts will be rescheduled over 18 years, including a 5-year grace period. They also agreed to defer part of payments due in the coming years (moratorium interest).

A comparable treatment from all other bilateral and external commercial creditors of

Seychelles will be necessary to ensure debt sustainability. The Republic of Seychelles has

committed to seek such a treatment. Paris Club creditors will closely monitor this process.

Background notes

1. The Paris Club was formed in 1956. It is an informal group of creditor governments from major industrialized countries. It meets on a monthly basis in Paris with debtor countries in order to agree with them on restructuring their debts.

2. The members of the Paris Club which participated in the reorganization of Seychelles’ debt

were representatives of the governments of Belgium, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, the Russian Federation, Spain and the United Kingdom. Observers at the meeting were representatives of the government of Canada, Finland, the Netherlands, Norway and the United States of America, as well as the International Monetary Fund (IMF), the International Bank for Reconstruction and Development (IBRD), the Secretariat of UNCTAD and the European Commission. South Africa also participated in this reorganization.

3. The delegation of the Republic of Seychelles was headed by Mr. Danny FAURE, Minister of

Finance. The meeting was chaired by Mr. Benoît COEURÉ, Co Chairman of the Paris Club, Assistant Secretary at the Treasury and Economic Policy Department of the French Ministry of Economy, Industry and Employment.

Technical notes

1. Seychelles' economic program is supported by a two-year Stand-By Arrangement concluded

on 14 November 2008.

2. Seychelles’ public debt was estimated to be USD 760 million as of end 2008. The debt owed

to creditor countries participating in this agreement was estimated to be USD 163 million at the same date.

3. The 45% cancellation in nominal terms delivers a 50% cancellation in NPV terms with a

discount rate equal to the 6-month CIRR average for the consolidated debt at the time of the negotiation.

Seychelles Column by Christopher Gill - Seychelles Faces Pirates Without Leadership

Seychelles Faces Pirates Without Leadership

A second boat has been taken in Seychelles waters, this time, a long-lining tuna fishing boat belonging to Taiwan. On board are Communist China Nationals, Philippine Nationals and Taiwan Nationals. No Seychellois citizens were taken, but the alarming point is that this 17 Ton Boat was taken just north of Denis Island, an Inner Island, well in Seychelles waters.

The Government of Seychelles had not detected the boat in our waters for at least three (3) days and made a discovery that the boat was in Seychelles waters well after the attack.

They likely learned about the piracy on CNN, Google or YouTube.

As the boat was taken, Mr. President Michel had already left the Country, en route to Japan for an official visit. Michel is seeking military assistance from Japan, a country that is prohibited from engaging in military action under its Constitution, since the World War Two surrender to General Douglas McArthur. 

Brigadier General Leopold Payet went on SBC and told us that he was prepared to intercept the pirates under orders from Minister Joel Morgan, who had been tasked with heading the command while Michel was out of Country. Morgan told us that Andromache was to intercept, and engage the pirates, and secure the Taiwanese boat, then bring the pirates to Justice. Andromache was dispatched.  It return 12 hours later empty handed, and the pirates made off with another boat and 22 hostages.  And not a peep from Colonel Coast Guard Ciseau!

Rumours ran rife in Victoria and State House as to what was ongoing. Andromache had attempted to engage the pirates, but the guns could not fire. Then, it is rumoured, pirates launched two rockets, and Andromache turned back and abandoned the mission. Hence why the Taiwanese fishing boat made it back to Somalia when it had only 50 kilometer advance on the Seychelles patrol boat. SBC confirmed that an IDC plane followed the boat back into Somali waters for 6 hours, although everyone knows that the plane does not have that kind of range.  SBC misleading the public again!

An International Call From Our President

On SBC the next day, by telephone, calling from Japan, Mr. Michel wished us all well and said the pirates had engaged the assistance of mercenaries to complete this attack. Inference being, that some elements wanted to dispose of his Government.

In Michel's mind, muddled with the rumours his government relies on to safeguard national security, this may have meant business men who have been given a raw deal were out to seek revenge on his government. There are many and they are numerous.

Well, over the last 72 hours, the pirates have seized 5 vessels.

For your information Mr. President, and your YouTbe adviser, this has nothing to do with mercenaries. The pirates, which has some groups larger than the Seychelles Army, that number 350 to 500 men with over 100 small attack boats, simply found Seychelles territory easy prey, since all the world’s naval forces have concentrated their effort in the Gulf of Aden and they have over one million square kilometers to monitor, it became the obvious next step to move into Seychelles waters where the Government does not pay attention to pirates.

From April to July when the Southeast sets in, we will have the pirates to deal with as they take advantage of fair weather conditions, calm seas, to pounce on us freely.  

Mr. Michel's illusions of mercenaries trying to attack Seychelles is only another indication and self verification of the incompetency of leadership we have at State House today, let alone the billions poured into a useless army over the years to keep Rene and Michel and their SPPF Government in power. There are no mercenaries attacking us, only Somalian pirates.

Pirates have attacked us because we have no viable Coast Guard or defense arrangements. Michel is now seeking arrangements after the fact and after we now have Ten Seychellois being kept hostage by these pirates. 

We Pay For Wasted Resources

When you should have built a Coast Guard fleet on Outer islands for our protection, you built bungalows for your girlfriends, for long four day weekends, so your wives would not see them. You wasted resources. You used the Army fund as your own slush fund, and your army generals built houses and flats for themselves with the people’s money.  You imported TVs, furniture and stereos for your wives and girlfriends instead of spending money on coast guard vessels and training.  Simple as that SPPF. You even parked your Suzuki jeep under the house on Desroches, for when you visit. Now, you wonder why the Somali based pirates have invaded our waters?

All our resources have been dedicated to protecting Mr. France Albert Rene, Mr. Michel, and other cohorts of the SPPF over the years. Our territory has received little or no protection simply because it was SPPF's policy not to do much to ensure our territorial integrity.

SPPF was more pre-occupied with protecting themselves and keeping Seychellois suppressed and under the barrel of a gun for 32 years. So do not blame mercenaries for your failures SPPF.  Blame your total mismanagement of the people’s funds and your lack of managerial skills on yourselves, not on mercenaries and pirates!

The YOUTUBE President

While Michel calls for prayers and thoughts for the families on YouTube, he does not mention what is being done to pay the RANSOM to release our hostages. The money held on Reserve which is $55 Million according to Michel, is there.

Pay the RANSOM and cause our Seychellois Citizens to be released and allow their families to live in peace of heart and mind. Stop the double talking SPPF.  

More Double Talk

While Minister Joel Morgan alleges that Seychelles is poor and does not have the ransom money to pay the pirates, I ask this of the Minister Morgan: "where is the $4.5Million from Ile Perseverans that disappeared under your watch?"  That would be enough to secure the release of OUR CITIZENS!  Use that money to pay the ransom and get OUR Seychellois Citizens home safe and sound.

What about the $55 Million President Michel has said we have raised for emergencies.  Are we not in an emergency? Is this not a time wherein that money can be used to save our Seychellois?

We can spend SR 300 Million on bad house loan debts to save your banks, but what about our Seychellois hostages? No budget for them, SPPF?  You can give millions in Jj loans, but no money for the release of our people?

After our Citizens are released we can sort out the other details.

Do not try to steer away from the main issue we are faced with SPPF. I appeal to you SPPF, in spite of the incompetence you have so far demonstrated, lay down your John Wayne cowboy mentality, so eloquently demonstrated by Joel Morgan, cast aside this dream of thinking that you can defeat these pirates, that number in the thousands  of battle trained-ready killers.

Get real SPPF, we are dealing with peoples lives and our nationhood is at stake at this hour. Our territorial integrity has been breached, with it confidence in our economy will go to tatters overnight. Wake up from your sleep, SPPF.

While Mr. President sends us messages on YouTube, the pirates are planning their next attack on us tonight or any day now.

Tomorrow after they have attacked us again, perhaps Mr. President will engage AirTel to send us an SMS to say that we should take all necessary precautions against pirates arriving on our shores. He will say Ramkalawan supports SPPF in its battle against pirates 100% so people of Seychelles will have no say, and we will remain speechless.

Another Tequila Boom marketing strategy at play in our national defense.  As if we ever had a real defense force!

May God Bless All Freedom Loving Seychellois and Our Beloved Seychelles!  

 

State House Anytime Now - Seychelles Satire

State House Anytime Now - Seychelles Satire

We’re off to the land of the rising sun!

JenPA and the official delegation have bowed to the President’s wish and decided to proceed with the trip to Japan, despite concerns from the public for him to stay home to deal with the hostage crisis and the Somali pirates. He will try his luck with the Japanese and offer them some “blue gold sashimi” in exchange for some naval protection – great barter idea! But damn! When the tuna stocks migrate north, they effectively belong to the Somali pirates. He has delegated the puny “j” Joel to take centre stage in this debacle…

Briefing in First Class on an Emirates flight 35,000ft, somewhere over the Himalayas en route to Tokyo…

JenPA (gently rubbing the President on his shoulder to rouse him from his slumber for his breakfast and the long overdue briefing): Good morning Mr. President. I checked the emails before boarding and all seems to be calm back home after these scary pirate incidents. They are now seeking ransom money which we can ill afford in these times of economic hardship. Ahead of us, we have a wonderful opportunity to raise our concerns on the international stage with the Japanese. I have a wonderful plan to have all this filtered back home via phone & video link or YouTube.

President (rubbing his puffy eyes with a hot towel handed over by this gorgeous Filipino flight attendant): How comfortable these flat bed seats are! Never thought one could sleep and dream so well in a metal tube high up in the sky! But I kept getting these occasional nightmares that the Somali pirates had taken my office back in Seychelles and made it their communications headquarters.

JenPA: Not to worry Sir. All’s under control back home. I have been communicating with Joel and he seems to be on top of the situation. He has declared war on the pirates and dispatched Andromache to burn some fuel for a day or two as well as Glenny’s IDC plane to supposedly follow the hijacked ship. SBC did some great coverage of his briefings in his situation room where everything is being monitored. TV footage of some men in camouflage gear toting big guns was also on show and it seems that the population is reassured.

President: Excellent news JP. But I am still doubtful if we can match the firepower of these pirates. We have not used these guns for a long time and they might not fire. We may endanger more live than we can save. This is why I am appealing to all nations concerned to land a hand. Sinon on est foutu mon ami!

JenPA: Sir, allow me to brief you on our itinerary for Japan. We will hold meetings with Taro Aso – the Prime Minister - to follow up on your request to seek aid and grants to help us out of our black hole. But this might be futile as Japan is in its own economic mess and will be voting a massive $150billion bailout plan. We will surely offer some of our tuna in kind for assistance with the pirates’ situation. But the Japanese Navy has been disengaged from military action since World War Two…

President: These guys love their sashimi JP so we can offer some of our ‘lor ble’ in exchange for some Toyotas, Hondas, kimonos and perhaps even some kamikaze… Remember these suicide pilots in WW2?? I think they can do the trick on those ruthless and arrogant pirates! Oh by the way, I heard that they are quite advanced in robot technology. So perhaps they can spare me one to replace Orderly.

JenPA: Sir that’s a good idea! At least it will relieve Appoo and me from the water pouring and door opening duties.

President: I like your thinking man! These mundane tasks need to be delegated to robots. I need all the grey matter on deck to face all these crisis situations. Grey matter seems to be very scarce around me these days. All those that belonged to the SPPF have made off with the spoils and I am left to patch this old ship which the pirates are now attacking mercilessly.

JenPA: Mr. President, I trust that you like the words ‘summit meeting’ in the press release. This really elevates and gives much credibility to our visit. An audience with the Emperor is also a very exceptional moment which will go into the annals of your presidency along with the audience with the Pope.  Oh Sir, please don't forget to bow.

President: Indeed! I also hope that the social agenda has been well taken care of. I am not too fond of sushi but will indulge in anything as long as it is washed down by some Sake, hopefully in the company of some lovely Geishas.

JenPA: Sir, I have left this to the bon vivant Maurice himself. As our tourism man, he has loads of experience in this field. He has already worked his contacts and we are expecting some high class ladies to attend to the studs. I will take the chance to explore the colourful gay world of Tokyo in my quest for the best Sapporo, Kirin or Asahi beer bottles.

President: I would also love to experience the bullet train. If it is to my liking, then we can have one for our east coast mass transit project. I am not really a man of the seas as you know so I will prefer a diet of Kobe beef and ramen soups. My evenings can be dedicated to massages with some of those lovely Geishas. We have to pack a lot in JP as we cannot extend this trip over its official three days. I need to be back to show my people that I am by their side in these times of need.  But right now, I need another snooze on this plush mile high bed. How I wish I had Nathalie by my side…or even a white-faced Geisha….

Mr. Seychelles President dozes off on the last leg of the journey into Tokyo while JenPa catches up with his emails over a glass of cognac. He is in overdrive as he ponders on the various media and communications coups to report back home during this trip. Never mind the jet lag. He is taking this opportunity to search for Scarlett.

The other members of the Seychelles delegation are fast asleep, recharging those batteries before being submersed into this strange culture of gadgets, Hello Kitty, origami, Kagua masks, Tatami mats and Daruma Dolls… ooh so many presents to bring back home for all the girlfriends & ‘kwevers’!

Seychelles Column by Christopher Gill

Somalia Pirates Take Seychellois Hostage

Recently, Somalia based pirates seized a luxury sailing yacht with three (3) Seychellois on board, and then made another seizure within a week of the Indian Ocean Explorer with seven (7) Seychellois crew on board. Currently we have been advised that Maritime Authority of Seychelles and Minister Meriton and Minister Morgan are handling the affair to secure the release of the hostages. Government of Seychelles has also announced that it has deployed army troops to Assumption and Aldabra, where the last seizure took place.

While this crisis unfolds, and Ten (10) Seychellois families lives are tormented because of their concern for the lives of their loved ones, Michel Government has not presented to the People of Seychelles a concrete road map on solving the hostage problem. Instead, we have seen Mr. Michel on the State House Lawn, entertaining the Governor General from Australia, and most recently, it was announced from State House, that Mr. Michel was leaving for an official visit to Japan to meet with the Emperor. It would seem that another critical matter has been handed over to another committee of limbo.

Any hostage situation requires immediate action and immediate steps to secure the safe release of the captives.

Top Priority One

Is the release of the hostages en bloc?  A ransom as been demanded and it should be paid. When SPPF embarks on a pirate hunt in our waters, after the fact, it is only wasting valuable resources. Pay the money demand first to ensure the release of our Seychellois Citizens and get them home to their loved ones and family.

How To Pay The Demand

Apparently, the demand of money, in exchange for the release of the hostages is $USD 2 Million. Pay it. SPPF will say they do not have that money. But we do. Mr. Michel, himself told us that we have accumulated a Reserve of $55Million at the Central Bank, for a case of emergency and maintaining the supply of rice to the Country. Well, we are in an emergency, and those lives and the safety of these individuals should be of paramount overriding importance to all Seychellois and this Government at this time. Use $USD 2 Million from the Central Bank Reserves and secure the release of these Citizens. Do not waste any time.  

Priority Two After Release

After the hostages have been released and re-united with their families and are safe, SPPF must then draw up an effective master plan to cope with the increase of piracy in our waters, which is coming closer and closer to a national disaster, everyday, SPPF has ignored this problem.

I cannot recount, how many times I have told SPPF to scale back this useless Army, that is used as a private security apparatus for France Albert Rene and to build up the maritime Coast Guard forces, because of impending pirate threats we will face. Today, that time has arrived.

Over The Years Wasted Resources

Over the years, the SPPF has spent at times Sr. 64 Million per year on an Army that has been used to terrorize its own citizens. Recently, this budget skyrocketed to Sr. 90 Million. Army have nice jeeps, big trucks, smart uniforms, new guns and they are mostly posted with security detail at Barbaron in front of Rene's residence and State House and Sans Souci to watch Michel Residence and the elite families as the Savy's and Adam.

The Coast Guard is dilapidated and have few patrol boats. Without the help of India, it would be crippled. Had more energy been placed in beefing up the Coast Guard and establishing Outer Island bases to fight off pirates, we would not be facing the problem before us. Instead, we are finding out that a deployment of troops after the fact is proving to be costly and inhibiting.  Today, one wonders whether the Coast Guards have enough funds for diesel fuel to keep the boats running!

Co-opting Other International Forces To Assist in Our Security

Has been another idea I presented to SPPF a number of times, and found the idea being laughed at and ridiculed. Well, if the Army is used to protect thugs and a mafia like organization then of course, they will laugh at the idea of bringing in foreign troops to Seychelles, by offering them Base facilities in exchange for cooperation arrangements. SPPF have laughed at many sensible ideas in the past. Today, as resources become very limited the time for laughing is over.

There will be much time to discuss what to do with this “makouti” army created to protect Rene and his SPPF cohorts. For the time being, we ask SPPF to free up the money to pay the ransom and get these Citizens home safely. This is no time to play with people's lives, while meddling with your petty failed ideologies at a time when you are coming to terms with two generations of complete utter failures SPPF. Nor is it time for the President to meet with an Emperor while, our citizens are held by pirates of the high seas.

May God Bless All Freedom Loving Seychellois and our beloved Seychelles! 

Seychelles Satire - State House Anytime Now

Welcoming Australia while Somalia pirates hit home 

Orderly has now sailed into the sunset and JenPa is figuring out how to take on the additional role of S.O.S. Together with Pooh bear, he will surely swim these new uncharted waters. This week’s events are a real test to his abilities. He has decided to take on the role of chief protocol officer himself firmly by the side of the President, as he takes the glory in introducing the cabinet and personally opening the doors of the limousine for the G.G from Australia.

JenPA (very early in the office to prepare the debriefing for his boss): Good morning Mr. President. We managed to put the negative vibes of the district meetings behind us. It was a real blessing for Mrs. Bryce to drop in on us. We managed to show her how some of the loans from Australia were spent with the visit at the new bridge. She also enjoyed meeting with the ladies of SAWOP but asked about the chapter of the Soroptimists…we never realised that she was more familiar with this bunch of ladies.

President: I must congratulate you with the handling of this visit JenPA. You have passed the test and I am no longer indebted to Orderly. I admired the arrival ceremony at the airport and I am glad you took charge of introducing the cabinet. The State House party was well orchestrated and the guest list of mostly the young members of the Jj Spirit Foundation was a master stroke. We managed to keep all the regular cocktail junkies at bay! Nathalie felt right at home in her silver lamé baby doll dress don’t you think?

JenPA: Oh she looked so adorable Sir! In fact Mr. Bryce asked me what your secret to landing such young cuties was! I told him that it was a mysterious aboriginal potion which boss brought back from his many trips down under. It allows one to dump the old and get rejuvenated with the new. He wanted in on the secret but I warned him against it as he might lose all his hair and end up with a rugby ball like Belmont or Dugasse.

President: Great my man. At least you are good at keeping secrets. I have all my trust in you and you have started well. I am also glad that you avoided any issues relating to us but focused more on the bilateral stuff to try and get us some more funding in these times of need.

JenPA: Sir we missed out on presenting our condolences for the bush fire victims. Wavel got his act together and had a very fruitful audience with ‘Madame la Gouverneure’. He wanted her to investigate Tonton Albert’s dealings back home and provided her with ample evidence that he is playing the gorilla & roaring lion behind a mango & sheep farm. He is seeking her assistance for Australia to audit all Seychelles-Australian companies and individuals to help us find the missing $2.4 Billion.

President: Indeed, she seems to be well aware that the old man has schemed with Gaetan Barallon and siphoned off a good part of the $2 Billion to Nikkei Pacific in Singapore and onward to Australia. As Finance minister at the time, boss was the one holding the purse strings so I could not cry foul. But this is now coming back to haunt me JenPa. I never thought that we would have to confront the Crown right here on our home soil. If only the Aussie government did not deny him citizenship we could have gotten rid of him way back…

JenPA: He is at least enjoying his last days in a lovely part of the world. Queensland is very much like Seychelles Mr. President. Ton Albert has his huge palace on a hilltop in a quaint little town, overlooking the turquoise waters of the Queensland coast. It has a helipad and covered by some shiny metal that glistens in the sun.  He is able to eat his ‘kordonyen ek lantiye’ whenever he wants. The town folks love him for the fortune he has poured into their economy. But he is still paranoid that some terrorist might lynch him and goes shopping at the local mall with a mob of bodyguards.

President: He has played the smart ass all the way and has nothing in his name. So when the IMF will try to clamp down, he will be untouchable. All his prized assets are in the name of Barallon and Gregoire who has taken a keen interest in investing in Australia with the payments from his hotel being made directly in bank accounts there.

JenPA: Sir he took Leo Payet there during the Christmas holidays so that he can pick a small plot for himself upon retirement.

President: Not to worry JenPA, we also have our own problems to contend with. The Somali pirates are threatening our livelihood and attacking our very existence. They are now chipping away at the three pillars that are holding us afloat. The biggest mistake is that I blew too much the trumpet about our tourism, oil potential and ‘lor ble’. These guys will take us apart and we need to seek help. Our AK 47 cannot match their firepower. Payet will have to be called into real action for the first time in his career. As Brigadier he better ensure that we nip these pirates in the bud and I expect him to deliver before he heads off to enjoy the good life on the farms in Queensland. 

With the district meetings fizzling out into comedies and no real support from the rent-a-crowd as anticipated, JenPa will turn his focus on the next issue of the State House Newsletter to spin more yarn and prop up his President to increase his sell by date! The official visit to Japan is now sticking out as a sore thumb as the hostage crisis demands the undivided attention of State House. To go or not to go… that is the question.