Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Trips galore

In this year of recession, the President believes that we need to spend money wisely. So charity begins at home. He needs to travel more to spread the word about Seychelles and get the world to know more about the dilemmas we are facing. From piracy to global warming, lack of food resources and a bankrupt economy (begging bowl in hand!)…. We need to get the message out there and at the same time show our people that ‘nou prezidan pe leve debrouye!’

Jenpa: Good morning Mr. President. I am happy to report that we have had an additional allocation of about 4 million rupees to cover the rest of the overseas trips we had not planned for in the supplementary budget. We really stretched it when we did this last trip to Paris followed by South Korea, China and Singapore. But now thanks to MaryLou and our red gang in the Assembly, we have enough dough to go visit old Fidel and Raul in Cuba.

Mr. President: Yes JP, this is what we call globetrotting. Mancham thought that he would be the globetrotter president when we took Independence. But now I can show him how it is done. And he is collecting awards as a has-been president and I am collecting them while in office. I am in the same league as Obama JP. My next target will be the Nobel Prize for fighting piracy!

Jenpa: Ah Mr. President, if not Nobel then the Mo Amin award maybe and the five million dollars that goes with it.

Mr. President: JP, today my life just gets better and better. I have never been so happy in my life. I fly in First Class with all those nice sleeper seats on Emirates. Why do you think we allowed those Gulf carriers to come into the market? We need the comfort and luxury that goes with the trappings of this office. Soon my friend Sheik Nayan will bring in Etihad. And this is even more super luxury. I am waiting for Prince Talal to get his A380 so that I can get the chance to ride in it. Apparently it is one of the most amazing. Not bad for a guy who started out as a small time communist. JP what do you think?

Jenpa: Well, Sir, the communist label is still with us due to our close affiliation with the Chinese. But they were so welcoming during our trip to Beijing. And you delivered a brilliant speech which I am sure will bring in swarms of Chinese tourists to our shores. Perhaps you should also take up the portfolio of Minister of Tourism as it goes hand in hand with foreign affairs right? There are a lot of similarities between Beijing and Victoria don’t you think? Especially the bumper to bumper traffic!

Mr. President: Will have to check what it entails as a workload on my schedule JP. As you know, I am managing the communications section very closely with Onezime at SBC and our Guinean friend Sila at Nation newspaper to ensure that we keep this momentum going. Add the People and Rising Sun, and we are definitely all over the place now. We need to keep the machine turning at 400% to try and drown out the little voices of truth and democracy being put out on the STAR blog, Nouveau Weekly and Regar.

Jenpa: But Mr. President, they say that the truth always prevails in the end. We cannot keep lying about everything. I know that the people have been conned into thinking that we have weathered the storm in our economic reform. But the reality is just being pushed under the carpet. It will be our children who will have the monumental task of solving these problems.

Mr. President: Not to worry my man! Perseverance is on the way with the donation we got from the Sheik. So we are on the right track. This is what has made us win elections all the time. The opposition will never be able to compete with us. All’s looking good. We are in for a landslide come the next election. Judge me by my words and actions...and of course the Arab funds.

Jenpa: Well the two prizes you won recently surely raised your profile. The UNESCO medal and the prize for Innovation say a lot about our small country. We are really living in a global village. You took the mantle from Mugabe at the FAO meeting and stressed some very important points as we import everything and we cannot feed ourselves. The Lebanon stopover was also very enriching. I am sure that Ramadoss must have made some good contacts to continue building our empire. We should take him with us to Cuba.

Mr. President: Yes, soon we will be announcing some new bilateral deals with Lebanon. We tried to get some deals going with the South Koreans as well when I took him there. He is really enjoying the fact that I am including him in some of these important trips. We have to do it like Sarkozy does. When he visits countries to discuss diplomatic ties, he also makes sure that business deals are done.

Jenpa: Sir, on the home front while you were away that last time, we have successfully launched the Drone missions and this has gone down well with the Americans. Our fight against piracy and the stance we are taking towards this menace has allowed us to forge closer ties with Europe, Asia and America. We have also created an elite corps within our defence forces to deal with any eventualities. We got an additional budget to support all this. And I came up with the name “Tazar” or Baraccuda for that elite team.

Mr. President: Good job JP and I am glad that all has gone well. Next time I will try out the Drone! I heard that there has been a huge debate about Air Seychelles getting this additional budget. I know that I have been criticized for preferring Emirates but we have to support our local carrier. It makes us proud. I took it to Rome last time and find nothing wrong with it. But we are in a bind when it comes to the management. Those Savy boys at IDC and Air Seychelles are really a pain in the rear end. But my hands are tied in this one as you know. Let’s hope that it now gets back on the right track.

Jenpa: This year will go down in history as a milestone year Mr. President. Top marks all around. From the way we handled the piracy situation, weathered the economic reform storms, handled the disgruntled public in our district meetings to the high profile overseas missions, awards and launch of our very own university (with yourself as chancellor of course), not forgetting the once in a lifetime viewing of a grand prix event in Abu Dhabi.  And yet we haven’t finished. There is still the climate change meeting in Copenhagen where we need to make our voices heard together with our Maldivian friends – and perhaps get to shake Obama’s hand and get a photo opportunity we can beam back home.

Mr. President: This is just the beginning of the James Michel legacy JP. There are many more years to come. As our close working relationship develops you will see what I am made of. I leave no stones unturned. Next year we will focus on Africa as we have the World Cup there. I had the immense joy of holding this coveted trophy when it visited our shores last week and I assure you that I will be on a plane to see the World Cup in South Africa next year. We will have a look at the world map and pick out some countries where we need to improve our ties with. Now here’s an idea. How about a trip to the UK to reopen our Embassy with Pat and use the opportunity to make a call at 10 Downing Street? After all, your old Uncle Albert entertained Blair on La Digue, so Brown can certainly entertain me for a change.  And we might get a few pounds out of him too. And while we are there, we can run down to Harrods to get some Christmas gifts for all the ladies in our lives!

Jenpa: Brilliant Sir. I can already see our agenda pretty well booked out in 2010. The boss of the Chinese communist party will soon be here on a visit and I suppose that you will want to stay away. So I will get Danny and Joe to meet with him. We are rubbing shoulders with the capitalists so we cannot be seen to be engaging communists right?

JP exits the President’s private office to attend to his briefing with the press secretary and to get the pulse of what is going on in cyberspace. The world seems to be in turmoil and little Seychelles will have plenty more financial storms coming its way. Wonder how IMF will cope with all this. Oh, before he forgets, he needs to make a call to Finance to ensure that next years’ Presidential travelling budget gets the appropriate allocation.