Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

A political satire based on actual events as portrayed through the state controlled media

Seeing Ghosts & Hitting the Panic Button

Phew! What a week. It seems like all hell is breaking loose. The fake show is turning awry and it appears that there are ghosts in the machine. The President has gone into mute mode and unleashed his head honcho JoMo to do the mopping up exercise. It is time to hit the panic button as the beans are spilled on the grandiose projects fast tracked out of the UAE. We are a nation at war and our sovereignty will not be compromised...

Lizzy: Hello my sweet pea! What’s with the panic state? You need a shot of testosterone to get you back in shape. I’ve never seen you in such a reverse mode. Did the pirate’s ghost visit you at Sans Souci last night? I did invoke the spirit but it was more to scare the living daylights out of the prima lady.

Mr. President: Oh my honey bee! I am glad to bathe in your ray of sunshine this morning. It’s been a rough night. I am going through some living hell at the private quarters. I wish I could spend all my time in the company of my adoring faithful like yourself and Bawi. At least I can earn some respect around here.

Lizzy: You have our steadfast dedication and we’ll be by your side come hell or high-water. We were there to lend you the moral support when you faced the PTA bankers. We were both radiant in the first row seats. I did look the part in my black & white outfit and hair tied in a bun, right? Bawi was proud as a peacock...

BAWI: Well, well! The feather is in the tail of the betrothed. You are surely looking the part my dear.

Mr. President: Oh don’t be too mischievous you two. You are getting too acquainted for my liking. Let’s be profound. Our country’s profile has had a major boost now that Dani B has taken over the reins of the PTA. Our economic woes are history. Plenty of loans will be forthcoming and the Paris Club will wipe out another chunk of our debts. We are off the hook guys!

Lizzy: OK let me make you some camomile tea to sooth those nerves...

Mr. President: Good! I hope you are keeping up with your e-learning for your degree sweetie. We will soon beef up this capacity building education system with a new bequest from the Sheik. This will revolutionise our schooling and kids will do their learning from home. No need for classrooms, equipment and the entire infrastructure that is draining our resources. This is the fulfilment of my dream. Virtual classrooms where we can all interact in cyberspace – this is what I call visionary Bawi.

BAWI: Indeed Bwana! We need more hands on deck to manage this high tech coastguard base with all its radar facilities mushrooming on our islands. Most of this new breed will be fully converted to Islam so that they can understand the codes used by Al Shabbab and Al Qaeda. I can picture you looking the part in your ‘jalaba’ welcoming the faithful at the mosque. I bet we will spot all the Escobars by then!

Mr. President: Well by the next elections we would have tackled this drug problem once and for all. I did mention that I would put a stop to these evil doers in my district meetings a few years ago. We now need to come clean. I dispatched a platoon to smoke them out of their holes in Praslin. I need to make up for lost ground.

BAWI: Mr. President, superman Jomo is here to update you on the latest offensive.

JoMo: Sabah el kheer! I have brushed up on a few proverbs too. And the best that suits the moment is “The wealth of a man is home and the poverty of a man at home is exile”. That about sums up our current predicament Sir. We are going for the jugular.

Mr. President: I can see that you are beating the war drums to scare away those ghouls who are trying to derail our camel bandwagon. If you are to hit then make it painful. We will deal a fatal blow to this irresponsible opposition once and for all.

JoMo: As long as I am responsible for law and order in this country, these guys will be taken to task. This is a matter of high treason, compromising our state security, putting the lives of our armed forces in grave danger. Sir, I’ve been having nightmares since this plan was published in Regar. Last night I could see those battle hardened Al Shabbab militants hovering over my house in their flying drones and skiffs with a plan of the base in hand. They are out to lynch us.

BAWI: Errr... all this for a piece of paper with some drawings? You can surely stretch this elastic imagination of yours to make a point JoMo. Sir but I recall that the opposition did bring a motion to have an expanded coastguard with a base on the outer island to deal with the threat of piracy sometime back. But we were more concerned with our own personal protection at that time and did not think of any terrorist threat.

JoMo: Not so fast Abullahi Bawi! On behalf of our President, I reassured our people that we are not being taken over by the UAE. We need to draw a line in the sand between politics and national security. I ordered our investigative unit to tear down the doors at Arpent Vert to apprehend the whistle blower. I can report that we caught three suspects red-handed with their home-made vuvuzelas.

BAWI: Wow. You move at lightning pace main man! You are surely ghosting them with one- two punches where it hurts...

Mr. President: Oh enough of those eerie thoughts. You both sound like zombie pumpkins. What is this? The phantom of the State House?

JoMo: Sire the spirits of ‘Yankee Go Home’ are back to haunt us. Isn’t it uncanny that the same spot is digging up all those skeletons who are now marching along Kennedy road? It was illegal but we allowed them to express their frustration. The delayed compensation is about to blow up in our faces. We should at least afford them some form of apology. I do not want to end up with feces on my head!

Mr. President: Alright JoMo son! Don’t hit the panic button just yet. I have mandated you to use all your spin to save the Sheik’s image. We will be facing mass protests. The people have now seen through our dress rehearsal. Everyone has now realized that we have sold off our little paradise. We need to consult the Middle East. Bawi, please place a call to his Highness. I need to update him on the latest developments.

Sheik Khalifa come on line with a firm ‘Aasalaamu Aleikum’

Mr. President: Wa-Aleikum Aassalaam your Highness. Things have degenerated a little bit over here. We will need a few more millions to pay off the forty thousand rebellions hotheads to keep our stranglehold on the throttle. Yes your Highness, the land has been allocated and your construction company can start building as soon as your palace is completed. No problem, we will ensure that a no fly zone is established in the La Misere and Barbarons area. We are in the process of demarcating a no-go zone of ten miles around the southern tip of Mahe to protect your yacht marina from prying eyes. Shukran your Highness. We welcome any gifts you feel will pacify the non-converted. Afwan. Salaam!

Bawi: Sir we are being drawn into a corner on the political front. Wavel is asking for an live, open debate for the next presidential elections. In the name of transparency and good governance, you need to lead the way. With all your Facebook followers, your Blackberry and your teleprompter, you will beat the living daylights out of them all. Soon you will have the power of Arabia to make the genies come out of the bottle...

Mr. President: Oh don’t start with your spooky stories again Bawi. We have already been invited to debate on STAR and I am not prepared to let our dirty linen be washed in public. This administration is too accident prone and we do not have enough medication to attend to all these wounds once they are opened. We will stick to our one track SBC channel. I cannot share the limelight with people who want to put me on the spot.

JoMo: Thank you for your time Sir. I have other urgent matters to attend to. Need to beef up the perimeter to my abode with some solid Gurkha cordons to ward off any potential threats.

BAWI: You are excused big man! We also have some more pressing matters. The D’Arros scandal is threatening to take down Sarko and we might end up in “queue de poisson”. Speaking of Sarko, JenPa reported that Pauline was humiliated when she visited the Vallee de Mai last week as her kids were forced to pay for their entry fee. She cried foul and shouted that they were all Seselwa Rasin and should be afforded better treatment. Oh well, enough to make the bottoms itch!

Mr. President: We are making some pre-emptive strikes on the resistance Bawi. I ordered for the editor of the weekly to spend a few hours in custody to cut him off from the foul water protesters. He managed to feel the pulse of our disgruntled law enforcement officers who are all frustrated with our circus. Now the cat is out of the bag, they will soon be ignoring my orders.

BAWI: OK Sir. Let me find a solution to all this frustration. I need some time to do some research on google earth. The campaign is fast approaching and you need to throw some dosh at my old district of Anse Royale. We are planning a family retake of the seat there and my cousin needs all the assistance to win it.

Mr. President: Good idea Bawi. The Sheik will soon disburse the funds for our re-election bid as we need to safeguard ‘tou nou bann aki’ and provide the protection to all our princes and Sheik who will ensure that we maintain total control over this little piece of paradise.

Hmm... This mission is far from over. But despite the brick walls crumbling around him, the President is determined to ride the storms. Predictions of a tsunami do not faze him either. As a pupil of Per Fondater, he has mustered all the bravado and valour to confront any battles they want to throw at him. Except perhaps a war of words via a live debate...

EYEWITNESS NEWS

THE SEYCHELLES DRUGS PROBLEM

National Drug Enforcement Agency (NDEA), has issued a press release aired on SBC detailing the number of possession arrests, cases pending before the court and the number of drug trafficking arrests for 2010. NDEA has also said it has stepped up patrols on Praslin and made a number of possession arrests over the weekend on that island.

The questions remains, where has NDEA been all this time with regards to Praslin? President James Michel has categorically blamed the Seychelles Police for not apprehending the drug traffickers on Praslin, a main tourism destination in Seychelles. But the portfolio for dealing with drugs cases, has been consigned to the NDEA under the Michel Administration.
We ask the NDEA and President Michel to ke
ep their promise to the People of Seychelles and get serious on drugs. How many years has the Michel Administration increased patrols, then reduce patrols. Increase presence, then reduce presence on Praslin and La Digue.

Reducing the amount of golf sessions by Mr. Dave Shealy, Irish head of NDEA would help.

BREAKING NEWS

LA MISERE PROTESTERS MAKE THEIR VOICES HEARD

The La Misere residents who have been seeking compensation for the water pollution disaster caused by the workers of the Sheik Khalifa construction company ASCON have been taking to the streets for the second day running.

In the lastest development, a protest was held again today at the road junction leading up to the construction site of Khalifa's palace. The inhabitants are determined to seek a solution to this ongoing saga whereby so compensation has been forthcoming since over six months. The protesters blocked access to the site and no traffic was allowed to circulate. To add insult to injury, the local truck drivers (almost 200) have complained that they have not been paid for a few months for services rendered. This has now become a major embarassement for the government of James Michel who has hastily called for a meeting with the committee members of the affected residents today (Wed 28th July at 1300hrs) to try and finalise a solution to this ongoing saga.

It is to be noted that Michel's government has ruled this country by fear, acting brutally to quell any form of protests. In this case, the government has had to back down from its heavy handed tactics, especially with elections just around the corner.

Could this be the dawning of a new era in democratic freedom in Seychelles whereby the right to protest publicly (enshrined in our constitution) can now be exercised? This is the litmus test for James Michel and a sweet victory for all freedom loving people of Seychelles.

The Seychelles Column - By Christopher Gill

Khalifa Coast Guard Base Smoke Screens into PP “Kan-Kan”

The Week of July 15th Lt Colonel Goes Public
On the week of July 15th, 2010, Lt. Colonel Laurencine of the Seychelles Coast Guard went on SBC TV to tell the People of Seychelles that the UAE was sponsoring a Coast Guard base worth $15 Million to be built at Ile Preservans.
In the international press, UAE Press, Africa Intelligence and others announced a day before SBC took to the proposed Coast Guard base that UAE was to build a $15 Million military installation at Ile Preservans.
Joel Morgan looked on at a contract signing ceremony as two unknown UAE citizens signed off on the contracts and looked at each other and shook hands the same week Lt. Colonel Laurencine went about rerun after rerun, over the new base to be built by the UAE.
In his interview on SBC, Laurencine was used by PP to say that helicopters were coming, a plane was donated and the facility would have the latest radar, navigation-high sea monitoring systems in place to fight against piracy and terrorism. During the week of July 15th, 2010, the Lt. Colonel “sold the beef” about anything that was secretive about this new base. The Lt. Colonel went public like he was going to Bollywood. SBC even filmed the base site, so that went public. You could easily sketch what he was describing on a little piece of paper and it would resemble what Regar published but with more detail.
Week of 23rd July, Regar Goes Public with a Little Picture
On the week of 23rd July, Regar went public on the front page of its paper with a picture of the plans of the base still at the drawing board to accompany an article titled: “Naval Base for Sheikh Khalifa”. Regar asserts in the article that the new naval base is for Sheikh Khalifa’s use. The base as asserted by Regar, is referred to as the “UAE Port”, in discussions with Government of Seychelles. Through independent testimony, Regar says that it has learned that as part of this base deal, “Sheikh Khalifa will also have the use of present coast guard base to accommodate his yachts and helicopter”.
Weekend 23rd July Joel Morgan blows a Fuse and Orders Search of Regar Office
On the weekend of 23rd July, Joel Morgan, the new Minister of Home Affairs, goes on SBC and says that Regar has divulged State secrets which prevent it from doing so under the one party State Security Act et al.
Well Mr. Morgan, to come to Regar’s rescue and all Seychellois defence, Regar published this information reasonably relying on Article 28, of the Seychelles Constitution, which duly states in part: “The State recognizes the right of access by the Public to information....”
The Constitution of the 3rd Republic overrides any one party state law Minister Morgan is trying to impose on Regar. To attempt to impute improper motives on the part of Regar, to destabilize state security, is ridiculous and even I have to come to their rescue of a half brained, half witted attempt at nothing more than Kankan on a national stage.
Who Gave Regar the Information?
That is no one’s business except for Regar. Who gave the information from within the Government? Well, that is Minister Morgan’s problem. Why because every day, Seychellois are seeing that the “Sell Baby Sell” politics of the James Michel administration is taking root in Seychelles and Seychellois will become a displaced people in their own country.
What’s Wrong With The Base?
The base is designed in the UAE with basketball court, volleyball court, football field, as if we have all the land in the world to spare. There is also a mosque positioned in the base. A little detail that reveals a lot about the intentions of the financier and the PP administration of James Michel.
What Does it Reveal?
Well, for starters, if you take a close look at the Mosque on the plans printed in Regar, you will notice, that: 1. It is a mosque and labelled as such 2. It is not a multi religious structure 3. It points to Mecca the Muslim Holy City in Saudi Arabia. In fact, it is the only building that points and faces that direction. All other structures are squared off in the base compound.
A Word of Advice to Minister Joel Morgan
Minister Morgan, I have watched you parade along for a long time. I have remained silent in your escapades because at times, you handled some serious issues facing our country that were very sensitive indeed, such as the piracy & hostages’ issue. I commend you for your personal efforts in those challenges. Your work would have made John Wayne bend his knees and shiver.
However, in regards to searching the Regar office and alluding that this little article turned the world upside down on July 23rd 2010, you are going off into Alice in Wonderland. I urge you to quietly drop this matter before it becomes an international fiasco. All it does is deliver your political head on a silver platter. Your credibility in the fight against piracy will be shot eternally, affecting Seychelles relations with international partners indefinitely and setting the fight against piracy in the region, back years, to our mutual detriment.
I urge you Minister to think carefully. Abandon this fiasco not because I support you personally or PP, but only because you are one of very few intelligent people in the PP government. It would be a shame to lose you at this critical time, when PP is suffering an all time brain drain.
If you have any doubts of my wise words to you, finally Minister, remember well, the founding principle of the Republic that is now resonating in each Seychellois heart today:
Sesel Pou Seselwa!
Do not forget this little detail Mr. Minister. Leave the Free Press alone, no matter who it is.
May God Bless All Freedom Loving Seychellois!

EYEWITNESS NEWS

ABU DHABI FUNDED SEYCHELLES COASTGUARD BASE

A storm in a tea-cup?

We reproduce herewith an article that appeared in the opposition newspaper 'Regar' last weekend. This has prompted the Minister of Home Affairs, Joel Morgan to go on the offensive, taking the newspaper to task, claiming breach of national security, compromising the sovereignty of Seychelles and instigating criminal inquiry against the newspaper.
It is interesting to note that the minister (who is the chief spokesman of the government and has already filed several lawsuits against the same newspaper that exposed some of his wheeler-dealer transactions) is claiming breach of state security concerning the military base plans done by UAE and not the government of Seychelles. Additionally plans were not marked "Secret" and nor does the base exist. In a previous story on SBC (local broadcasting station) Lt. Col. Laurencine was telling the whole country what the base would look like, with shots of the area where the base would be located. So the matter was already in public domain, hence far from being a secret!

It is common knowledge that the base (a 'gift' to the tune of US$ 15 million) is first and foremost for the personal protection of Khalifa who has several homes including two palaces at Barbarons and the recent one being built at La Misere, a plot of land that was gifted to him for 1 (one) Seychelles rupee. A huge tract of land in the south of Mahe is being developed as a 'super marina' to harbor the mighty man's yachts and sea toys and he requires full protection by his own navy who will no doubt be the prime users of the base - which has it's own mosque to cater for the UAE contingent.
We are of he opinion that this storm in a tea cup is just another shenanigan by the minister in his futile attempt to muzzle the opposition on a controversial issue that is hitting a raw nerve with the majority of the population - a few months away from the next general election. There is a serious wave of anti-Khalifa sentiment in the country as the present government loses its way by gifting prime real estate to the Sheik in a desperate effort to bail themselves out of an economic hole.
The Right to Free Speech and Right to Information cannot be curtailed as the government faces a public backlash and has all its wheeling & dealing exposed!

BREAKING NEWS

SHEIK KHALIFA REFUSES TO PAY UP!

It is reported from La Misere, that truck drivers for the building project of Sheik Khalifa Bin Zayed Al Nahyan (خليفة بن زايد بن سلطان آل نهيان ) have not been paid for 2,3,or even 4 months for services. This business practice in Seychelles, is very anti cultural of the Seychellois way of doing business as the drivers rely on such revenue to pay truck loans, house loans, and buy provisions for their family.
We ask Sheik Khalifa to ensure that these truck drivers are all paid immediately and all their payments be made at the end of each month as is customary in Seychelles.
Drivers that raise the issue of payment, are told to stop working if they do not want to wait for their money indefinitely.
If these so called investors cannot pay on time, they should go home!
Meanwhile, the La Misere residents who have been victims of the water contamination as a result of the heavy works being undertaken to build Khalifa's palace are still awaiting compensation after more than six months. This is totally unacceptable for a foreigner to be treating our country's citizens with so much disdain. The feet dragging on the compensation issue is proof enough that these investors are only after their own welfare and could not care less about the wellbeing of our people.
President James Michel and Minister of Environment Joel Morgan have been conspicuously mute on the subject. They have failed in their duty as they are both directly responsible for the environmental catastrophe which they both gave the green light to. They have not even mustered the courage and dignity to apologize to the La Misere inhabitants.
You are being judged by your actions President James Michel.

Seychelles Cartoon

TOUGH HOLE - DANGEROUS HOOK!

No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

"Sheik Me Up & Down - We Are Booming Again!"

Things are heating up! We need to blow our vuvuzela as it is boom time again. The President has shifted into higher gear and taken his 4x4 VP on the campaign trail in the island of love. It’s time to do a little ‘Sheik rattle and roll’ as the gift list gets longer. Wow, thanks to a few pirates in a skiff, all eyes are glued to these speckles as India retakes its ocean to throw their hat into the ring. Suddenly, Seychelles has a mighty navy and we need more expatriate workers to cope with the workload...

BAWI: Hello Bwana boss! You seem to be coping with this punishing schedule with great zest. My bro and Lizzy are here for a de-brief. Between the high powered conferences, ministerial & dignitaries’ visits, Praslin jaunt, cocktails etc...you have not had any shut eye lately.

Lizzy: Hello my sweet pea! Wow you seem to have a collection of these chequered shirts and it makes you look so dignified. Hope you liked my jet blue blouse that I wore last weekend to Praslin. So what shall I get you? Tea, coffee or me?!!

Mr. President: Oh my honey bee! Enough of these temptress overtures. I got a serious bollocking over our escapade and I totally forgot that it was from this isle of love cradle that I snatched the doll. I am trying to parley but there is no easy way out. She insists on staying put. Well, I think that I will have to juggle more balls than I expected. I always thought that status and a few luxuries would pacify them quietly...

BAWI: Hell no Sir. Marital bliss is hard to come by when you are in the midst of so many shexy specimens. Temptation is a sin best absolved over a chilled glass of bubbly. I note that Nat was tugging at your coattails at the Bastille Day cocktail. I’m glad we did not have any catfights on our hands...

Lizzy: Grrrrrrr.... At least I can purr a lot when the going gets tough.

Danny Boy walks in looking serious and business-like, cradling his bulging Filofax diary...

Mr. President: Here comes my new full of beans Vice. I am glad that you also had your muse in tow on our trip, good cover-up. It shows that we are cut from the same cloth. The campaign is now in full swing and I am lucky that I have my sleek 4x4 by my side to drive through these difficult terrains. My folks just love me there. The campaign is in full swing my boys.

BAWI: Sir, Srdjie got the best spin from the media. She not only laid down the full interview on TV but also got a centre spread in the daily. This office is in full control and the message is finally sinking home. This new JD Spirit has weaved its magic spell in no time and the land that you conquered more than 15 years ago will bow to your legacy. If you are not remembered on a national level, at least Republic of Praslin will make you their Sheik.

Mr. President: Indeed, Praslin is a model for all other islands to follow. But we need to smoke out those Escobars. It is time to harass those traffickers who are tarnishing this island in full bloom. I am sure the new radars that JoMo plans to install will do the trick. So main man Dani B, give me a rundown of your notes gathering...

DANI: Well Mr. President, the island is a true microcosm of the success of our economic reforms. Things are booming in all directions. We are creaming it on the tourism front. The small entrepreneurs are minting it. Our people have taken over the business community. All businesses are behind us 100%. We sympathized with the children over their ordeals and reassured the sick that we will take better care of them. Ernie feels that we need this dialysis machine ASAP and perhaps we can add this to our shopping list to the Sheik. But there are a few other things that need to be addressed presto!

Mr. President: Indeed everything is mushrooming all over. The bulk of the outstanding tasks are under JoMo’s portfolio. He has so much on his plate poor chap. Bawi B, place a call to his mobile and we will update him on the chores at hand.

JoMo is a live wire as he comes on line on the speakerphone.

Mr. President: A very good morning to you JoMo. Working overtime on the international front does not seem to sap your energy. You are a man of many talents popping up everywhere. We have a few assignments for you on Praslin and Dani B will update you.

DANI: Hey main man! Congrats on your piracy show of force. This Franco-British tandem between you and JP earned us a lot of praise worldwide. There is an outpouring of aid from far and wide. The new coastguard base is the fruit of some serious labour by the boss. You did well to put on the display of walkie-talkies from India, you are indeed a techie! Shame that we could not get the Cheetak and Dornier on time. We could have landed them in the State House grounds to show them off. Anyhow, fabulous piece of work young chap.

JoMo: No probs Bwana Dani! I am the faithful servant till death do us part! I am a multi-tasker and can cope with anything that is thrown my way. I love this gratifying sense of accomplishment and achievement. We are playing an avant-garde role on all the battle fronts.

DANI: That’s the spirit bro! There are some multi tasks to attend to urgently on Praslin. Elections are a few months away and they need to be fixed presto. The issues range from environment problems, drainage, agriculture, drugs, roads, water, transport, police etc...

JoMo: They will be tackled in no time. I have inserted the tasks in my i-phone and consider it done! Will probably recruit a few more Gurkhas to assist. Need to run as SBC is here for another interview. Good day to you all…

BAWI: This is a man of many talents. He is like a superman in a wind tunnel. Sleeker than the average! You can always count in him to deliver.

Mr. President: We are sheiking everything down to the ground folks. We are now down to ground zero with a new coastguard base. We got our priorities wrong since day one of the revolution. An army is redundant in this day and age of modern piracy. Thanks to my close affiliation with His Highness, we can thank our stars that we have such a humble and filthy rich friend in our midst.

JenPa walks in unannounced to fill the President in on the diplomatic bustle

JenPa: Hello there! I see we are in good company. The 4x4 traction in full swing early morning! Keep it up boys. The boss needs to be well surrounded and he performs best when in the midst of Brainiac 4.

BAWI: Hi JP! You sit on the Air Seychelles board so you need to speak to David about the high airfare to Praslin which is killing the tourism industry there. The President got too many complaints on this issue. This is why he opted to fly on the ZilAir helicopter and IDC plane on this trip. It works out much cheaper than those old twin otters that keep breaking down.

Mr. President: Great to see you JP. You are sorely missed at this abode. But life goes on. It’s time for you to perform on your own. Put your swimming techniques into gear and smash some records my boy.

JenPa: Errmm…this comes as second nature boss. I now have the most experienced PS by my side so we cannot go wrong. What a career civil servant. Errmm…he is now into the role of Captain Hook on his mission to contain piracy on the diplomatic level. Congratulations on the masterstroke with the coastguard base. You did tell me that the little detour to Abu Dhabi would pull off another surprise. Errmm… it represents your excellent relationship based on trust and sincerity. Now ASCON will be able to register as a local company and snatch all these building contracts.

Mr. President: Brilliant. Boom times ahead folks. We are on a high and need to maintain the momentum until the elections. Dani B and I had a major summit with Per Fondater at Meson on Monday and we need to go on the offensive. ‘Sesel Pou Seselwa’ is back to haunt us. Gappy is holding registration-certification of MSR and this is a hot potato indeed. We thought we had mollified Wavel & Co but now he is being pressured to unite the opposition. We need to hit the ground running.

The dream team is into combat mode and will annihilate any ghosts that threaten to unseat this JD Spirit. Dani B is in his element as he can put all his Castroism to good effect. He has now taken on a new mission of shaking the hands of retired civil servants till their arms fall off... He has a following of militants who are ready for warfare, headed by Gus the undeniable king of Face. With over 10,000 friends between the Prez, JP and himself, they are not battle shy. So bring it on!!

The Seychelles Column - By Christopher Gill

Praslin Booming Like Las Vegas?

Recently, James Michel, President of Seychelles, managed to commandeer the IDC plane for two (2) straight days, and loaded it with staff, ministers, principal secretaries and did two (2) trips back to back on successive days to Praslin.
Michel and company made it a point to meet some key sectors that have unsettled grievances with his government. You need to salute Michel for his ability to Hollywood over problems that have reached a crisis level.
SBC posed few questions, though they had three (3) reporters on hand, not including State House press staffers.
Let’s quickly uncover the actor in James Michel.
Tourism On Praslin Booming He Says
After visiting one of his close friends at Tropique Villa, he said he was happy to see tourism on Praslin booming. We are in fact in a peak period and occupancy at most Praslin and La Digue hotels are at an all time low, with some hotels below 35%. They have been low for Three (3) months.
Reason being, Air Seychelles unilaterally increased the price of an airline ticket to Praslin from 52.00 euro one way to 86.00 euro one way, making Praslin a very expensive excursion for 15 minutes by kerosene Twin Otter.
Michel has done nothing about this yet and we hope he moves on it as Minister of Tourism to re-establish viability to Praslin and La Digue tourism industry.
Michel Says Drugs Destroying Praslin
Michel then said that drugs are destroying Praslin. Well, drugs will destroy any community if a government does not do anything about it. This is where the problem lies, with the government of James Michel. Why? Let me explain in detail.
The SHTA Public Safety Committee I chair on Praslin made a request to Ministry of Health to take over the old Praslin hospital to renovate it and implement a drug rehabilitation treatment centre for 40 patients at a time, in conjunction with the Catholic Church and other NGO’s. The request sat on Marie Pierre Lloyds desk for over One (1) year. She said she did not know who owned the old hospital.
One fine day a few days before she was removed as Minister of Health, she packed SBC camera crew and reporters, all her staff, and did up the hair and made her way to Praslin to meet with me and the Centre D’Accueil staffers on Praslin to review the old hospital site.
Fine except for one little problem: Minister Lloyd did not call me to advise me that she will be on Praslin and I was on Mahe.
Consequently, she made her way about the old hospital filming the place with SBC, but having no clue what we wanted to do with the old hospital. Before we could hear from her, she received the boot and foot by Michel.
After many years, of trying to bring about a drug rehabilitation on Praslin, it is the Government of James Michel that has set it back for many years. With our work we have even trained drug rehabilitation counsellors and funded their courses overseas. Where is Ministry of Health on this? Nowhere.
Blame Game With Police
Michel took a highly political swipe at the Police on Praslin, saying that everyone on Praslin knows who traffics drugs, except for the Police. This is a highly dishonest statement by Michel. The inference is that the Police are not doing anything about the situation on Praslin.
We all know that the Seychelles Police is divided into different units. There is a traffic unit, regular police unit, dog unit, Special Forces unit, and drug unit called NDEA, acronym for National Drug Enforcement Unit. The NDEA is in charge of all drug trafficking cases which include investigation, surveillance, detection, arrest and so forth. The regular Police have little to do with this under the Michel Administration set up.
Incidentally, if Michel did not know while he visited Praslin, the NDEA is based with an office at State House and run by Irish men answerable only to him. If the Irishmen do not know what is going on on Praslin, I am not surprised! They do not speak Seselwa, Michel.
For Three (3) years, the Police successfully cooperated with the SHTA Public Safety Committee to bring crime down on Praslin, until Naill Scully, was appointed Deputy Commissioner by James Michel, himself.
The Police on Praslin are under the immediate command of Deputy Commissioner of Police Naill Scully, a sergeant in the Irish Army. The SI on Praslin takes orders directly from Scully. Scully has advised the SI on Praslin to disengage with the SHTA on matters of crime detection and prevention. Hence, over the last 4 months, we have again seen a significant increase in crime on Praslin.
The Police are easy to blame. But who has created this situation? Only last year, the Police budget was reduced by almost Scr. 17 Million. On Praslin, they have a monthly fuel budget of Scr. 10,000.00 while the private security patrols spend over Scr. 25,000.00 per month funded by the hotels to keep crime at bay as much as possible with little patrol being conducted by the Police themselves.
On Praslin, we had only one (1) Tourism Police for years. We need perhaps 15 at least.
Hospital Collapsed A Long Time Ago On Praslin
When talking about the failing hospital on Praslin, Michel spoke as if it was a new thing to hear. The Praslin hospital collapsed years ago, under James Michel himself. How can he rightfully now tell us, that this is a new problem?
On the day of the bus accident, there was only one doctor to attend to over 40 patients. The Emergency Response Unit (ERU) has had two (2) flat tires for over ten years and most of the time James Michel has been President. The tires have not been fixed. Oxygen tanks at the hospital have been empty for months and were not enough on the day of the bus accident. Louis Larue, Mitcy Larue’s husband, died because the oxygen tank in the ambulance, responding for assistance.... was empty. No Hollywood acting will change the collapse at the hospital of Baie St. Anne Mr. James Michel.
Praslin Farms Collapse
The problems of the Praslin block farmers have been ongoing for years. The entire Ministry of Agriculture has failed these farmers. Today James Michel blames the hotels for not buying the farmers produce. He wants them to buy produce all year round.
How An Economy Works or Collapses On One Decision
But I advise Mr. Michel, hotels buy produce when they have guests. If Air Seychelles makes tickets to Praslin too expensive, hotels do not buy produce, because there are fewer guests. Farmers do not sell produce and fishermen salt their fish.
As this cycle goes on for a prolonged period, our blood pressure increases from a poor diet, since we add coconut milk to our fish to cut the salt taste and we get heart attacks from it. Once we get heart attacks, we die prematurely, because we have no oxygen tanks at the hospital that are full.... they are and have been empty most of the past year.
If we get into an accident on the road, we usually die, because the ERU has two flat tires for over Ten (10) years.
Our people stay on drugs because you have failed to deliver a drug rehab centre.
The traffickers continue to traffic drugs because your Irish man in charge of NDEA spends his time on the golf course, soaking up the sun, much like another catastrophic failure did at STB not long ago.

Sesel Pou Seselwa , Michel!
May God Bless All Freedom Loving Seychellois!

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Economic diplomacy, raising taxes & felicitations all round

The President’s main men are on a roll! JenPa has joined MOFA with a bang and is masterminding one of the biggest diplomatic events in our country’s history. As he parades his ambassadors at State House, we note that Ambassadors Siva and Lloyd are sorely missing. JoMo is sharing the limelight and tugging along to bask in the glory. Diplomacy is in overdrive as the new VP drives through the new generation of tax reforms. Messages of joy and sadness are ideal platforms to reinforce our solidarity with the world.

BAWI: A very good morning Mr. President. It seems that those bags under your eyes are getting more and more prominent. This week’s punishing schedule seems to be taking its toll. You need to drink plenty of water Sir and try not to burn the midnight oil.

Mr. President: Hello Bawi! Indeed, I will have to do my little nip tuck job when I go off to Singapore in August. I am due for another makeover. Now that JP has taken over the diplomatic reins, he has turned on the turbo. This conference on maritime security is part of his ambition to raise our country’s profile and garner some additional support and funding to keep us afloat.

BAWI: Indeed Sir. We gathered all our ambassadors for a show of strength and unity of purpose. Good old Pat refused to make the trip from London as he considers the shuffles at MOFA to be an affront to his legacy. We could not convince our large Ambassador SIVA to be part of the party as he considers himself to be a ‘corsair’ par excellence who has raided our country’s booty. JP deliberately snubbed Marie-Pierre and degraded her status. Good old Mo was looking the part following his elevation to His Excellency the Principal Secretary. He has a few cards up his sleeve and we need to get him to spin the Arab chapter of our diplomacy.

Mr. President: I wanted to invite our super ref as well as he has been a true ambassador for Seychelles at the world cup but FIFA did not approve. I ensured that we send some felicitations to Spain and South Africa for a job well done. We need to join in the praises and make our voices heard, vuvuzela style! Both countries are on a high and we can perhaps get them to throw a couple of millions our way.

BAWI: I have also made sure that condolences were dispatched to my second home. I am glad that we are taking precautions with this conference to address terrorism as Al Qaeda seems to be in our midst. We cannot allow them to hit us like they did my ‘brothas & sistas’ in Kampala Bwana! Upesi with these reforms as otherwise we will soon become targets of Al Shabbab!

Mr. President: Take it easy my man! JoMo has everything under control. He is coordinating all the efforts together with JP. They both took delivery of the used patrol boat from the Queen and are setting up the roll over plan. I was very impressed by Danny Boy’s swearing in ceremony. I did not realise that I had such a high calibre man by my side. Did you know that he is Governor of the International Monetary Fund, the World Bank and the African Development Bank? What an accomplished man. I am glad that he has discovered that we are rich from the inside.

BAWI: Indeed Bwana! He is such a simple, humble guy who is solely focussed on doing good for our country. He does not even want to change his Accord for a BMW. He is very ambitious and I will one day be proud to see big bro making it as Prez. He is not far....

Mr. President: I am so glad to have him by my side as we take Seychelles to new heights. He has slipped in a 56% increase in the legislators’ salary with the gross up and now everyone is well taken care of. Who needs an opposition now that everyone enjoys a good pay packet? This is what I call a serious assembly. We are the dream JD ticket for the next elections Bawi and nothing can stop us.

Lizzy walks in with JenPa in tow... he needs no introduction in this abode.

BAWI: Le bourgeois gentilhomme de la diplomatie! This is the most articulate Minister of your cabinet Sir. He has a great vision for your economic diplomacy and has managed to go through the entire backlog and single handedly staged one of the most important conferences in this country. He has injected new blood at MOFA which now has a dynamic edge.

Mr. President: Hello my dear JP! I am so happy that you are paying us regular visits. You are sorely missed around here...

JenPa: Top of the morning my good Sir! Bwana Bawi seems to have settled in quite well. He has always been my sidekick and despite carrying more diplomatic baggage, he is prone to misinterpreting conventions and treaties which caused our international relations to stagnate. We now have a new drive and savoir-faire that will take us to new heights.

BAWI: You were conceived for the job JP. Ambassadorial blood runs through your veins. There is no doubt that boss saw diplomatic minister written all over your face.

JenPa: We have ushered in a new era of ‘cohorporation’ with our partners. We are in capacity building mode. JoMo is right behind me as we stretch this economic diplomacy mindset to encompass the Home Affairs challenges. We see eye to eye on all the issues confronting this administration. We play the ‘good cop bad cop’ tandem to perfection.

Mr. President: I am glad that you are both assessing all your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. I have a really dynamic team but you guys need to be careful of the threats. I am sure that you are both very savvy politically to turn all these threats into opportunities.

JenPa: Sir! I am a pure breed Adam and do not want to be associated with the Savy brothers. I work hard and these fat boys are just plain lazy and had everything gifted to them on a platter. We are in a building capacity Mr. President. I will soon pass the 3,000 mark of Facebook friends and that is enough for me to be my own man and carry two districts. We have now acquired our plot of land for the Jj Spirit complex which I am sure our good Highness Khalifa will gladly finance. Pauline is here and we shall be putting some strategies in place to counter all the bad press we had lately. Like my new PS would say, ‘C’est de la kakade mon cher Kalibwem’!

Mr. President: I take my hat off to you JP. You have taken our diplomacy to another level. You have succeeded in just a few weeks to put the world spotlight on our small island state. You managed to change our status from ‘Most Indebted Country’ to ‘Most Vulnerable Country on the world’. This is the best scenario put our people’s minds at rest.

JenPa: Indeed Sir. We have defaulted on $230 million bonds and got IMF to bail us out with a $26 million stand-by arrangement. It is a blessing in disguise that this pirate scourge came upon us. We have been hit by hard economic times and I have put a new spin on our diplomacy to come up with this 30 year roll over plan that will essentially keep us in power for another three decades. By that time Bawi and I will be firmly in the State House seats as the JB ticket. Not a bad transition from JD. It is all in the distillation process as the spirit lives on. Fine Scotches indeed! What do you say master spin doctor?

BAWI: Well, we need to address the African problem upesi! I am now lumped with the tourism portfolio and will become accountable for the dwindling revenue despite the increase in arrival numbers. I need to figure this riddle out. I am sure a lot of our revenue is still taking flight. We cannot condone any Bettencourt deals that might threaten to bring this regime to its knees. Let’s get Pauline to do some damage control as she is close to Sarko’s son.

Mr. President: OK boys! You have crammed my agenda with visits of dignitaries from far and wide. We need to drum up all the support we can muster. This exemplary leadership needs to go down the annals of our country’s history. Times are getting tougher. I have the youngest team in this show. I need a makeover. Bawi, please get Lizzy to book me a massage...

JenPa: Great stuff. Let’s work on a new book deal with the working title – ‘Hard Times in Paradise – economic diplomacy or bust!” I am sure this one will be a blockbuster...

Indeed times are tough. We need all the resources to divert the population’s attention from our economic woes. Crisis? What crisis? Money is flowing from multiple sources. We are rich beyond our means. While the world is cutting back due to hard recession times, we are defying the odds with an unprecedented spending spree. Salary increases, fat bonuses, spanking new jeeps, palatial homes and luxury cars... this is the life under the influence of piracy.

EYEWITNESS NEWS

Seychelles Central Bank Governor Takes To Reuters

Seychelles Central Bank Governor Mr. Pierre Laporte recently took to Reuters to give an interview on the economic situation in Seychelles. Usually, he calls in the SBC Big Brother staff and gives the interviews locally.
Pierre Laporte said, “Reforms are on track, the fiscal situation is good, the budget remains tight, Inflation is lower than planned and fiscal revenues remain buoyant ...and expects 4% GDP”.
Mr. Laporte told Reuters that it is his target to keep Inflation under 3%.
“We now have a rupee that is stronger relative to the euro, so on the earnings side, people are getting fewer rupees for their euros”.

What Mr. Laporte Did Not Tell The Reuters Lady
Mr. Laporte did not tell the Reuters lady that the domestic economy is stagnant and shrinking in real terms. Fishing Industry revenues are down by -50% and Tourism Revenues last year were down -22% and like -15% this year, though arrivals are 14% higher then last year. Much of the 14% includes 2000 non GOP workers that enter the country as “visitors”, for Sheik Khalifa’s construction works.
Mr. Laporte failed to mention to Reuters that the commercial banks hold over SCR. 3.7 Billion in loans, some performing and some not performing and SCR. 1.8 Billion in limbo accounts.
Commercial banks say they cannot release this money into the market to stimulate the economy for want of viable clients. Interest rates remain high because the cost of business in Seychelles is high, because it is also very unpredictable and still central economy oriented. Government is also too slow to approve projects, taxation still unpredictable.
If this money was released into the economy as President James Michel requests, the value of the rupee would plunge over night as you would have much more rupees competing for a limited amount of hard currency.
Mr. Laporte says the rupee has gained strength against the euro. He is right. By as much as 50%. But only in Seychelles, still.
This makes rupee expenditures for earners more costly by 50%. In effect, water, electricity, salaries, wages, go up 50%. Increase in price is “Inflation” Mr. Laporte, but the increase price in your Inflation model is not reflected on a price tag, it is built into the rate of exchange scheme you have imposed on us to meet SPPF/PP political objectives. You did not highlight this little detail to Reuters.
Basically, Mr. Laporte is playing the SPPF/PP tune to the key. He is suppressing the value of the rupee to make the earners of wealth in the domestic economy soak up all Inflationary side effects of his reform and monetary policy. Hence he is minimizing the impact of the reforms on the majority of ordinary Seychellois in the short term to meet short term objectives: the next election.
Unfortunately, this political posturing hurts everyone longer, in the end and the ordinary Seychellois will pay the heaviest for the bad policy.
Mr. Laporte’s political agenda will stifle growth and stifles demand, hence weakening the balance sheets of the euro earners, who Michel needs to borrow Scr. 1.8 Billion from commercial banks to get the economy moving. The ordinary Seychellois who relies on business to get moving himself, will end up with the shortest end of the stick.
No job, no future... no future, no life under SPPF/PP. No life under SPPF/PP, better off dead, then to live under this system of failure.
What Mr. Laporte is doing is a little like putting sugar into an engine, and expecting it to run well. It will not run well, it will be destroyed in no time.

What Laporte and SPPF/PP Use To Replace the Broken Economic Engine and projected 4% GDP
Mr. Laporte was silent to Reuters on what is propelling the projected 4% GDP in Seychelles economy, if Fishing revenues are down, and Tourism revenues are down. It is of course, the Sheik Khalifa Economic Pillar under the “Sell Baby Sell” JJ Spirit economic program.
By remaining silent, Laporte is encouraging all Tourism player, all Fishermen, to go get a No.4 license and start trucking Sheik Khalifa’s water tanks and pipes from the Antonov to La Misere.
We need a serious monetary program that ensures growth in our economy without selling our country Mr. Laporte.

Sesel Pou Seselwa!
May God Bless All Freedom Loving Seychellois!

UPCOMING SEYCHELLES ELECTIONS

CANDIDATES GET AN INVITATION TO DEBATE AND FURTHER THEIR AGENDAS

14th July 2010

To: President James Michel (Leader of Parti Lepep)

Mr. Wavel Ramkalawan (Leader of Seychelles National Party)

Mr. Philippe Boulle (Independent Presidential Candidate)

Mr. Ralph Volcere (Leader of New Democratic Party)

Dear Sirs,

STAR Seychelles (www.starseychelles.blogspot.com) was launched one and half years ago to provide the Seychellois community with an open forum to express themselves and debate issues about their country. There is currently no medium at the disposal of the local community which promotes and upholds free speech. Participation on STAR will not only provide you with an outlet to express your views on pertinent issues that are of concern to the electorate but also engage healthy debate amongst political candidates on fundamental ideas that will take our country forward.

STAR has a number of writers and contributors each week. We register between 1,200-3000 viewers per week and have now over 65,000 views. The average on line read is 6.05 minutes and the comments sections has developed into a forum for debate and exchange of ideas on the political currents within our society. Additionally STAR has been linked to a number of e-newspaper sites that register additional views each week of similar figures.

As you are a public political figure with aspirations to run in the next presidential elections and a leader in our community who seeks the support of the people of Seychelles, we would like to extend an invitation for you to contribute a weekly column to highlight, explain and defend your ideas with the local community online. This exercise will provide you with active feedback as the readers interact with the writers on the blog.

All your articles should be submitted by Thursday each week. STAR will not edit any of your work as it is our fundamental principle to promote free speech and open exchange of ideas. If you cannot meet the deadline, we request that you submit an alternate deadline within the week that is convenient to you. The issues you present to the forum are entirely of your choosing and will be determined by yourself.

We will alternatively be tabling topics or questions to you, in the spirit of enticing debate on subjects that are pertinent to the way forward for our country. As party leaders, there is no doubt that you will avail of this opportunity to participate in this uncensored forum geared towards the free exchange of ideas. We count on your participation and support.

Sincerely,

STAR Administrator
 
This letter was also forwarded to Regar, The People, Le Nouveau Seychelles Weekly & Rising Sun for publication.

EYEWITNESS NEWS

Faure Says Gross Up Not Reduce Constitutional Post Salaries

Vice President Danny Faure last week went before the National Assembly and presented an SI Bill calling for more than 18% “Gross Up” of all constitutional emoluments salaries.
The gross up increase in all Executive, Ministerial, MNA salaries is being made to pay for the taxes of these salaries under the tax reform wherein all salary earners will now pay taxes on income earned.
This additional Gross up, “top off” Mr. Faure pushed through the National Assembly with fingers pointing to heaven now makes the total Constitutional post salaries increase by more than Fifty –Six (56%) in just Two (2) years.
The politicians are stealing from the Public through legislative theft, by passing the 38% salary increase, 70% retirement package and now a “Gross up” “Top Off” of all salaries for Presidents, Ministers, MNA’s.
Timing Dead Wrong
This is not the time to be grossing up and topping off constitutional post salaries, to make the Government of Seychelles pay for politicians’ salaries. The country is bankrupt officially. Our debts have been passed on to our children totalling $500 Million. Most of it is at a 10% per annum interest rate.
This was an opportune time to cut the salaries of constitutional posts by a reasonable 20%. The SPPF and SNP could have done more or less that by simply not Grossing Up or topping off salaries, and ask the politicians to pay their 18% plus tax themselves. This would have balanced the evil and fraud upon the People of Seychelles committed by both political parties when they passed the Constitutional Emoluments Act of 2008.
Even The Queen Is Cutting Back
In the UK the Queen of England is carrying her own speech to the UN these days, and has sold her old helicopter to help meet budget demands. She has cut her annual budget as well.
In France, ministers are undergoing salary cuts.
All over the World, salary cuts for politicians are being made by many countries to cope with the prolonged economic downturn. 2011 has been projected to be even worse than 2010 according to recent IMF Press Release and all governments have been asked to exercise fiscal restraint, meaning stop the spending frenzy.
Only in Seychelles are we raising salaries by a whopping 56% total.
Mad cows? No mad politicians, but they eat as much as cows per pound.
The People Must Take Control
People of Seychelles, we must retake control of our country’s future. There is no alternative but to throw the SPPF/PP out in the next election.
SNP has to go with them as well, for they have let the people of Seychelles down as they filled their pockets and expressed no remorse, no regret, for what they have done in conspiracy with the SPPF/PP.
If anything, both SPPF/PP and SNP have defended their actions with a vengeance.
I will not be surprised if they defend having elevators in their house either......so what, it goes up and it goes down, they will say!

Sesel Pou Seselwa!
May God Bless All Freedom Loving Seychellois!

The Seychelles Column - By Christopher Gill

Passing The Buck On Economic Woes

When an economy runs into trouble, no one wants to take credit for the trouble or the failures, especially the political leadership of SPPF/PP.
The SPPF/PP tends to claim the occasional success, and lay blame of economic woes on external forces, that the SBC pounce on without posing questions.
Blame The Banks
Recently, President James Michel has been blaming the commercial banks of Seychelles, for all his problems. He came only a slight step to declaring political war on them in his National Day speech and the Independence Day speech.
The problem is not the banks and the problem goes back to where the buck stops: on James Michel’s desk. The commercial banks only react to market forces that are in play in a very difficult pseudo communist market wherein costs of doing business is high for everyone, banks included, particularly when we have a defaulting client on loans like the Government of Seychelles.
Face Facts Man
At the start of the year 2010, there was a total of SCR 5.5 Billion in circulation in Seychelles. SCR 3.7 Billion was already tied up in commercial loans, loans to government of Seychelles, or Treasury Bills. The surplus of money in the economy, that is dormant is SCR. 1 .8Billion. A significant portion of that needs to be lent out to get the domestic economy running fluid again.
Unfortunately for the commercial banks, it is not easy to find viable customers for SCR. 1 8 Billion, when SCR 3.7 is already out there somewhere, spread over the entire economic market spectrum. Without adequate infrastructure in place to absorb another SCR 1. 8 Billion, we will remain in a stagnant state economically, in spite of the fluffy numbers being put out by SPPF/PP.
IMF / SPPF Said Three (3) Year Plan
In October 2008, the IMF and the SPPF/PP said the IMF program would last Three (3) years. The commercial banks of Seychelles relied on this declared program term. At the time, Treasury Bills went up to 30%. Most commercial banks reasonably expected that Treasury Bills would become the mop up tool for excess liquidity and bought into the program. They offered clients 12% interest on their deposits and bought Treasury Bills with the money, making handsome profits and clients made a “solid investment”.
Commercial banks took a calculated business decision to pay 12% interest on deposits. Those deposits that were fixed term at fixed rates for 2 or 3 years, must be honoured, in spite of unfavourable circumstance for the commercial banks now being paid Treasury Bill interest of 1.8%.
Dupe The Banks
The commercial banks have been duped by the SPPF/PP and IMF into believing the IMF program was to last Three (3) years. We now have 5 years of IMF programs, and many years of debt repayment for the $500 Million in debt that has not been written off or forgiven by bilateral and multilateral institutions. This is a reduction from the November 2008 official bankruptcy figures of $860 Million outstanding bill SPPF created over the years.
The commercial banks have been duped into holding all the liquidity in the market created by SPPF/PP when they printed money like tomorrow would never come.
Ministry of Finance Calls The shots on Treasury Bills. They have advised the commercial banks that they will not need their money over the next Three (3) years. Banks cannot drop interest rates lower they say, because of the cost of carrying bad debts and cost of doing business in Seychelles.
Catch 22 it seems.
Enter The Khalifa Pillar of Economy of Seychelles
The problem with the SPPF/PP economic recovery program is that it is hedged on good relations of SPPF with Sheik Khalifa, and the selling out of our sovereignty to Sheik Khalifa of UAE.
In 2010, it has been estimated that Sheik Khalifa will bring in the 4% GDP projected growth. Sheik Khalifa is building a residence that will exceed $500 Million when done, though everything is imported duty free.
Sheik Khalifa has funded $10 Million for a hospital renovation at Victoria Hospital (Ministry of Health prop), $16 Million for Two (2) generators (Ministry of Industry PUC prop),Ile Preservans Housing for $30 Million is forth coming (Ministry of Land Use and Housng prop), Michel has asked for military intervention against piracy and permanent military involvement with Seychelles on part of UAE (Ministry of Defence prop and internal security prop), Sheik Khalifa has just paid over $2 Million for some buses to keep fledging SPTC going,(SPTC prop). Additionally, Sheik Khalifa offers President Michel use of a jet occasionally, for free, (State House travel Budget prop).
All in all Sheik Khalifa pillar of the economy has gotten off to a quick start with exception of the La Misere damages settlement cases.
IMF See No Evil, Hear No Evil
IMF has turned a blind eye to this new pillar of the economy that does not pay taxes , choosing instead to focus on the bottom line. If Seychelles is being sold to Sheik Khalifa, does not concern the IMF technocrats that come and go and change every year.
Sheik Khalifa we all know, does not pay his way, he pays as he wishes. We all know over $200 Million could have been injected into our economy this year alone if Sheik Khalifa paid his taxes as due, when due.
Instead, he offers a gift here and there, to keep SPPF/PP floating. The confidence SPPF/PP displays and arrogance towards commercial banks have only one source.
After all, who can stand up against the commercial banks of Seychelles, who have SCR. 3.7 Billion in loans unpaid? Surely not bankrupted SPPF/PP.
Personally, I would prefer to deal with the commercial banks of Seychelles, knowing what I have to pay for what I get from them. The commercial banks would be good to extend loan terms to make the market buoyant and fluid.
With Sheik Khalifa, do you know what you will have to pay- for what you get, SPPF/PP?
In spite of your Bozo economics and bozo finance scheme proposals SPPF/PP, that involve the material sale of our country, we will over ride this policy of “Sell Baby Sell” and defeat you collaborators who are selling Seychelles and her People as you read this article.

Sesel Pou Seselwa!
May God Bless All Freedom Loving Seychellois!

BREAKING NEWS

IMF Warns Rough Road Ahead

The IMF recently issued a Press Release, saying:”The risk of a slowdown in the global economic recovery has risen sharply...government should continue planning to tighten fiscal policy.

IMF said: "Jitters in financial markets in May and June threatened confidence and growth worldwide....which will lead to tighter lending conditions, declining business and consumer confidence and abrupt changes in relative exchange rates".

At the rate that the Seychelles government is spending, we should brace ourselves for a rough ride!

The body language says it all!

Source: Seychelles Weekly

WE gave the above photo to a body language expert for analysis and findings on the unspoken words (body language) being emitted by each one of the ministers, the new vice-president and the President himself. According to our body language expert the President with both hands dropped to his side shows a sign of acceptance of the fact that he will never be fully in charge of party or country. He has simply lost the will to fight. There are powers far greater than his own in the country that is influencing the course of Seychelles behind the closed doors of Maison Du Peuple. And the President by turning slightly away from Danny Faure exposes his unhappiness with the appointment he has had to make against his will.
The new Vice-President, with both hands behind his back pushing his chest forward, shows confidence verging on arrogance; his statement is clearly one of victory against his enemies within. Three ministers - Morgan, Meriton and Dugasse - are in protection mode, with their hands over their private parts. It is clear that the three have more to hide than others in the cabinet.

In the three, Morgan’s face shows the disappointment and the hurt he is feeling after being cast aside to make way for weaker minds. Rene has decided that Morgan is not red enough; in fact Morgan has blue blood running through his veins. Meriton is happy, relaxed and counting his chickens. Dugasse holds on to his right wrist with force; one thump sticking away from the others showing relief and peace of mind that he has lived to fight another day, he is hanging on in there by the skin of his teeth.

The two ladies are sending out signals of contentment and happiness that they don't have the same muck on their hands as on some of the others.

The new Minister of Health affords a smile showing that she is appreciative of the opportunity.

Minister Mondon the more experienced of the two kept a dignify appearance dwelling on the added responsibility bestowed upon her.

Minister Sham-Laye looks dignified, clean and unconcerned of the negative energies around him emanating from his colleagues, his smile is pure and genuine; he is the least worried amongst the lot.

Peter Sinon demonstrates presence and with his shirt buttoned to the neck shows a lack of trust for some of his new colleagues; his brain is there but his heart elsewhere. Maybe with the ADB or maybe at the grand rendez-vous, time should tell if it was a good move or not; he more than the others will be judged on performance.

Jean Paul Adam, our body language expert told us, is not showing much emotion in that picture; he knew his fate well before all the others; he has had plenty of time to mull it over; it is apparent on his face. The little smug on his face shows his closeness to the President. In fact he feels presidential himself being so close to the man, he believes to be the main man…

The final analysis of our expert was that the cabinet looks unorganized and dysfunctional in the photograph. The two ladies were not placed in the right spot, which would have showed genuine organistaion on their part and the taller Dugasse should have been placed on the far right of the picture to match Sinon's grand stature on the left of the picture.

The arrangement below by our expert is what he termed would have been the perfect picture…We can expect disarray from this cabinet he concluded. A sad prospective for the poor people of this country, indeed…

Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Sheik your booty & beggars’ paradise!

Despite the supplementary budget to keep going, the Seychelles President is finding it hard to sustain all the activities & dates crammed into his diary. When disaster strikes he needs to look abroad. Charity seems to be a new resource found in abundance in the Middle East. We cannot seem to find a drop of it at home. All we need to do is wiggle it a little bit and the Sheik will gratify. In this beggar’s paradise, the saviour is a Mage with a big heart bearing gifts to make up for all the tax free extravaganza...

BAWI: Jambo Bwana! I’m so elated to have weathered my first week by your side. I note that your newly appointed Lizzy is indeed like your guardian lizard on the wall. Nothing seems to escape her piercing gaze. She makes sure that she gobbles up all the bugs that might come your way.

Mr. President: Of course my man! She underwent intensive on-the-job training in her field. She is so proud to be by my side. This is what a presidential entourage is all about. All my needs, wishes and desires are catered for Bawi. I need to call on several aides to ensure that I am able to perform. This noble task is getting more complicated by the day. I will have to call on JP whenever we have those dignitaries visiting State House as he is used to my little habits and he is a reassuring figure. Now that he is the boss at Maison Queau, I need to remind him that I still have my diplomatic touch.

BAWI: Of course Sir. We are the best tandem pairing in the business. The Abbot and Costello double act of Seychellois diplomacy. You will note that I gave him the honour of opening the canteen at MOFA so that he can blend into the landscape there. The ribbon cutting ceremony was a perfect way to usher him into his seat. I did leave my mark though with an award scheme to boost the motivation of the staff. We are the young generation brimming with new ideas. You are indeed well surrounded my good Bwana. You also have the youngest and most qualified VP in our history by your side.

Mr. President: I am humbled by this great youthful presence around me. Danny Boy’s Cubanomics seems to be hitting the right notes. I never thought he could orchestrate such a masterstroke to get us out of this hole. The latest IMF report card is unbelievably incredible. Soon we will have the Paris Club wipe out all our debts. We have a 0.4% GDP growth and got a couple more million dollars disbursed. Enough to cover the expenses of the president’s office! The new tax reforms will adjust for inflation and we will clip the wings of those legislators who have lost touch with their people and riding in big jeeps like little princes on their fat salaries.

BAWI: Sir, I have conducted my research and found that you desperately need to boost the sales for your book of speeches. I have instructed Srdjana to come up with a TV advert to that effect. Your masterpiece will also be available in duty free shops so that we can target the overseas market since the local market could not be bothered. You have to outsell the ‘Torch of Freedom’ and ‘Portrait of a Struggle’ if you want your legacy to outlive you. The 4x4 machine was brought up on Per Fondater’s teachings and today we have infiltrated State House. Not bad for a fairy tale that started off on the shores of Lake Victoria...

Mr. President: This is what we call a great success story Bawi. You guys have been faithful since your early childhood. Your big bro cut his teeth in finance since the days when he was selling ‘The People’. He is now teaching IMF a thing or two. With tourism revenues down by 20% and fishing down by 50%, we are riding the perfect storm pretty well. Everyone seems to have forgotten about the $2.5 billion that flew away...

BAWI: Indeed Sir. Sheik Khalifa is now the new pillar of the economy as his Antonovs provide us with a lifeline, loaded with cement, water tanks, pipes, marble, palace furnishings, construction workers and much, much more. He is our saviour and his generous offers range from two generators for $18million, diagnostic centre for $10 million, over $ 38 million for new buses... The list is endless Sir. I did baffle them with the Vienna convention diplomatic immunity talk to cover up everything.

There is a sudden knock on the door and Lizzy ushers in Jomo who has turned up for his first briefing as the Home Affairs chief.
BAWI: Voila l’homme! Buenos dias Hombre! The man with the multiple hot potato portfolios! I do admire your tenacity and determination in the face of all these deflating criticisms and morganatic rumors about a ‘rock siren’ grinding you down.
Mr. President: So main man of the home run! What are your latest achievements? I can see that you are taking Regar to task and have asked for close to a million. Remember that you still have a $4.5 million hole to fill.JoMo: A very good day to you Sir. I am happy to see Bwana Bawi by your side. A worldly man who made sure that our voices were heard in Brussels. I had the immense pleasure of working the EU corridors of power with him when we brokered the new fisheries agreement. We have come a long way since then…

BAWI: Thank-you, thank-you. You’re far too kind! This elf of a man has the equivalent brain power of the whole Equator Institute Sir. You were wise to hand him the Home affairs portfolio.

JoMo: Sir, we have made excellent progress lately. My Gurkhas have landed and taken up their positions. I dare those cowboys to make the great escape again! We have installed some latest, state of the art flight monitoring system at SCAA which I had the honor to inaugurate. We are now ready for any pirate attack. The computer screens can pick up any suspect flying skiffs in the blink of an eye and an alert system is connected to our Gurkha garrison. We are in the process of electronically tagging the few Somali pirates in our custody so that they can be released on electronic bail.

Mr. President: You should now also be able to monitor all these flights in and out of Desnoeufs loaded with birds eggs destined for the ‘dalons’ and ‘copains’ in the region. The IDC prince will have nowhere to hide. He can go play with his lego set and build helicopters in his sand pit. I will bring back the NYS if I have to so that he can be taught a lesson in egg picking.

JoMo: Sir, we have also benefitted from his Highness’ generosity with the arrival of the new buses we promised at your district meetings. Lady Vero is over the moon! She was not too happy with the reduction in the bus fares but we have made up for it with those spanking new wheels. She is now on the lookout for those vandals as she nurses her little bump.

Mr. President: Great my man! You are so sleek at managing those complex issues. You need to take on my mantle from now on and pay regular visits to our comrades in arms. A PR exercise is needed now that we are getting close to the elections to reassure the police and the army that we will look after them well. Many thanks for this inciting brief. Bawi will see you out. Keep up the good work and don’t get too entangled in those lawsuits as they will only drain you out even more.

Phew! This SOS seat is really hot indeed! Bawi loves those intricate manoeuvrings along the sidelines. He enjoys his privileged position between boss and bro. JenPa now floats in and out of the abode to stay in the limelight. But the force is with the 4x4 and they can unleash their lethal sting whenever they are cornered. Pa seye ban la!