Seychelles Satire - State House Anytime Now

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The Rise of Emotions on the Five Year Anniversary

It is officially five years since Dictator, France Albert Rene had transferred power to his left little finger, James Michel and its is a period of chaos as Seychelles faces NATIONAL BANKRUPTCY, HOSTAGE CRISIS,PARIS CLUB, IMF, MOUNTING DEBTS, DRUGS SCOURGE, POVERTY... Mr. President has failed the People in just five short years. But being the actor he is, and craving all the publicity under the sun, he schemes a prop show in the majestic, tropical gardens of State House, manicured by unemployment relief workers.

JenPa: Good Morning Mr. President, have you rested from that terrible flight and the dreadful visit at the Coast Guard command?

Mr. President: Yes, a bit, but my eyes are puffing again, I need a shot of Botox to relax the wrinkles and make me look young again.

JenPa: Mr. President, age is not really an issue, look at Mancham, he is forever young. Some say, his brain is sharper then ever. Look at Sarah, she ages gracefully, and appears more commanding when she wears Kenwyn House jewelry. Everyone listens to her because she has more than anyone else. Age is not relevant, look at me, I am young and in charge of you. Today, Mr. President, you have been in power exactly five years.

Mr. President: Ok, so what do I do, what do I say?

Jenpa: First of all Sir, as a birthday present to your Presidency, I have called Air Seychelles and instructed Josie girl to offer special ticket prices to Mauritius, Singapore, and Moscow. Seychellois love to travel, and will be happy to take a little break after your five years in power. Sir, I just came on board, but it has been a damaging five years indeed. Our beloved Seychelles is coming apart under your Administration.

Wait Mr. President, do not interrupt me Sir, because we cannot afford these discount on Air Seychelles, we are keeping the taxes high, to fool the people and squeeze more money out of them to prop up our failures, so I have handled the Finance side as well, so Danny boy will not raise his voice.

Mr. President: JP, what would I do without you?

JenPa: Well sir, I do my best, and now we must plan you five year message to the Nation. But we will make it simple and glossy. No need for long dragging speeches like Orderly used to write to give you these tongue twisters. Only bullet points boss – like I do in my powerpoint presentations to the Jj spirit youth.

Mr. President: Careful my man! Don’t want to be playing around with bullets these days! Pirates are lurking and we do not want to engage their firepower. Yes, there is a desk I like but never use, along with some discarded codes of Seychelles, I can sit in front of them and deliver a strong speech of defiance in the face of failure to our people, SBC can play it over and over again, until I force people to love me and support the JJ Spirit.  By the way, any chance of getting a used teleprompter from Obama?

JenPa: Mr. President, you cannot be like Rene. People know you do not read Codes and Contracts, remember the $50 Million Penalty Clause in Lehman Brothers Contract? You see the mess in the Courts, the Prisons, the Police, this is all you after five years, so forget about trying to be strong and appear to know what you are doing. You have to move away from his style. Pirates are attacking us, we have 10 hostages, families are in despair, the economy, is down and worse than ever, you need to come across as being a compassionate President. Your compassion must overpower the people’s perception of your stupidity and incompetence. As simple as that, Sir!

Mr. President: So what do you propose JP, you are from the golden family, what would you do?

JenPa: Sir, we will call SBC as you said, but we will have you speak, not from State House desks, but from different flowery scenes in the garden. Seychellois all love a garden and I am a flower, Sir. We need to revert to flower power. We will have you sit on the bench and do a ‘tête à tête’ with the People, talk about what you want for them, take on a dream like state, smile, move your hands around. Do not talk about reality, nothing is working, help them forget about it, just for a moment, in the five years.

After the garden bench scene, just so people do not think you are waiting for the bus, we will take one of those barrel leather chairs, put in the garden, and remind people, you are the President. With this chair, you will look Presidential. The scenery, greenery and flowers in the background, will make you look handsome and attractive for younger gold diggers, after quick promotions and a new car.

Mr. President: JP, I love your creativity my man! It is easy to talk about aspirations and dreams.....reality is tough, and I have failed the people, just like Orderly, said over the phone, to his cohorts, who were paying attention to my incompetence.

JenPa: Yes Sir, from now on, we talk about dreams and aspirations, no mention of anything that comes close to reality.

Mr. President: What about the thirteen hostages, what do I say to them and their families? We cannot pay that money you know. And 13 is really an unlucky number…

JenPa: Mr. President, just say, “I feel your pain", and get on with it.

Mr. President: Ok JP, I will trust you on that.

JenPa: Better trust me Mr. President, since I will not advise you to trust yourself. After five years, you do not have a very good track record.

JenPa, walks out of the empty Presidential office, as his iPhone rings. It is one of the numerous girlfriends needing money to pay her PUC bill. Things are starting to get out of hand in this area. Managing the social agenda is starting to encroach on the serious stuff at State House as the lines between affairs of state, Jj spirit foundation and local babes seem to blur into a colourful rainbow… Ok… time to plan my move to become the new Secretary of State…after all, I deserve it!