Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

("A political satire based on actual events as portrayed through the state controlled media")

Pontiff’s blessing and the big 75

The Seychelles President’s second visit to the Vatican was his private confession to try and absolve the sins of June ’77. He is now repenting for having followed the Atheist creed of ‘Per Fondater’ who, at the ripe old age of 75 will never ask for any forgiveness for his misdeeds. He has already sent everyone who did not agree with the revolution into exile. At 73, he ordered those with other ideas to go to ‘lazil’ and this time around, he invites them to a forced retirement! But the venom and bitterness is still very much alive...

Lizzy: Good Morning Sunshine! You have been sorely missed these last few weeks. I am lost in this house without you. I have drawn up an intensive district visits program so that I can keep busy.
Bawi: Hey we are following in Mancham’s footsteps. We cannot allow the old beardo to clock more miles than our man of the people. It is the era of economic diplomacy. We have fared well in selling off our land to pay for our debts. We are now back to our colonial days and heavily dependent on handouts.
President: Indeed Yes! The elderly remember these times and this is why the founding father went on about the necessity of the coup. It is unfortunately only our elderly people who remember these days. The youth do not know about our struggle. So it is important to keep this yearly party alive.
Bawi: But Bwana it is sad to see that even at 75, our papa still harbours all this bitterness. Despite all the fanfare, it was really hard to hide this tension between you two. He still cannot accept the fact that you are now a grown man with Sheik Khalifa as your new master.
President: Well at least his Highness gives me the opportunity to take regular breaks to the Sheikdom to attend Formula 1 races and indulge in a rich and famous lifestyle. With the old man, I had to prop up the struggle and adore the iron man every 5th June. This is out of my league now...
Lizzy: I always wanted to be beside a high flyer. I am also flying high in my latest grand vitara. You see Bawi, he looks well after his little harem. All his lucky girls are part of the jeep clan. This is why the old man is so bitter. He has lost his mojo and Lady Sarah cannot stand this life in retirement.
Bawi: Oh what a shame. She has to put up with all these Tom & Jerry flicks and we all know that she cannot stomach seeing this stately abode taking in a metamorphosis! No wonder she was avoiding all eye contact and felt so ill at ease. I have a feeling that this will be the last birthday bash for our dear father...
Lizzy: This is what you get when you care. Let’s now get serious. Our internal and external geniuses are here to report on the latest developments...
The sexily clad Lizzy does a pirouette and ushers in JenPa and JoMo who are brimming with confidence.
JenPa & JoMo (in unison): Top of the morning my good Sir.
President: Oh what a breath of fresh air! I belong to the future. My metamorphosis is complete when I see myself surrounded with such youthful exuberance.
JenPa: Sir the Pontiff is in awe with desperation to meet with him – it is of particular significance for all Seselwa.
President: Indeed my son. I was so emotional and honoured. I have met his holiness twice in my tenure and my coup d’etat sins have been forgiven. With my medal from the Lord of Military Sovereigns of Malta, I am now the most decorated President of the Indian Ocean – if not the world!
JenPa: Sir we are about to hit the black gold. We need to get this coastguard base and patrol boats up and running soon as we cannot let the Somali pirates siphon off this precious resource that will turn us into the new emirate. His Highness is waiting for the payback time..
President: I have already done my training in ‘Emirati governance’ and ready to assume this new found status. So JoMo, what do you have to report on the internal scene? I hear that some irritating disease might have has a swipe at your household...
JoMo: All’s under control as usual my good Sir. We have put an end to the Delokaka upheaval. I have bullied all of them into submission. No one dares to make any claim now. I claimed 450, promised 250 and ignored all of them to the point that no one dares to collect their check.
President: It seems that you are suffering from amnesia. You need a proper check up my boy. Your extracurricular activities are putting a strain on you. I gather that the ‘Lasiren Ros’ is a handful and will blow your brains out.
JoMo: Sir you need to put me out of my misery. I desperately need a break and visit Alaska to patch up the home front. I cannot take all these charades any more. I tried to emulate you but do not have the stamina to look after all these birds in the bush.
JenPa: Well this is not the time for distractions main man! Soon our water source will dry up and you will have to get water tankers and barges to quench our thirst. You should also seek some funds to lay that power cable from Mahe to Praslin. Can we salvage the desalination plants?
JoMo: I have always been inspired by our founding father. He has dedicated half a century of his life to our country and clocked up a string of white elephants and squandered millions. I will follow in his footsteps and maintain this ‘tres peu de sous’ socialism doctrine all sue all those who accuse me of embezzlement. This is what makes me proud.
Bawi: Mr. President, this is the new era of free market and capitalism. We need to live with the times. I can see that our Chairman of High Level Piracy Committee is losing his marbles. He really needs a makeover.
President: Indeed, we are heading in the right direction. We have managed to steer the ship and made a smooth transition from comrades to tycoons. We are now the masters of our own destiny and I am headed for a landslide at the next elections. What a makeover indeed!
JenPa: Our forefathers have endured a lot of sacrifice to bring this country to what it is today. I am a product of these hard times and it is high time we sit back and enjoy the spoils of such hard work. At such a young age, the world is my oyster.
President: That’s right my son, I am just keeping the throne warm for you. We older people, we have a duty to continue to educate our young and remind them that our country has come a long way in its development, and that today they have a lot of opportunities. But I belong to the new generation and will empower all those who adore me.
Bawi: Indeed Bwana! The youth is right behind you. The Jj Spirit will keep the flame burning bright well beyond your 75th birthday. Your empowerment program is paying dividends. You are now adored by thousands of fans. Your daily appearance on TV has made you the undisputed household name.
President: I have taken on a new role as the media king of Seychelles. I do not miss out on any given opportunity. My latest masterpiece is lending a hand to selling our precious land on You-Tube.
JoMo: Now that’s an idea! I will probably need this tube to comb the desert in the hope of retrieving the lost millions... We need to work together to ensure our country continues to be the jewel of the Indian Ocean.
The President is obsessed with popularity. He has now earned a coveted place in history. His many accomplishments will never be emulated. His dream is to be elected by an overwhelming 100% majority to beat his mentor’s high score of the one party state. A Machiavellian feat indeed! We need to annihilate all opposition and buy all the votes – or perhaps dismantle any “Sesel Pou Seselwa” movement that might spark off another ‘revolution’. We will need another Pontiff blessing...