Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

("A political satire based on actual events as portrayed through the state controlled media")

Travels and tribulations!

 There has been an infestation of the travel bug lately and the whole team has gone on a hunting spree. From New York to Moscow to Swaziland, Danny Boy is enjoying his new VP status while JenPa also joins in the mile high club and toasts the embassies. Money is no object. The President is coasting and is in the driving seat for the illusive Mo Ibrahim coveted prize

BAWI: Good Morning dear Bwana! Our shitwater dilemma is now history. Superman Pinocchio has dealt the final solution and everyone will settle for 250k. His Highness will gladly send his ambulance plane and have all victims treated at the Sheik Khalifa Medical facility in Abu Dhabi should the symptoms persist.

Mr. President: I am glad that this is now over Bawi. It has been the worst nightmare of this presidency. But we have shown resilience and managed to remove the s...t out of the water.

Lizzy: Hello my Men! The two high-powered ministers are here to recount on their adventures.

Enter JoMo the superego elf man and the diplogenius JenPa, master cocktail circuit toaster…

JenPa: Good morning my good Sir! I have some fine news from New York! My address at the general assembly was very well received. I performed as if I was on my swimming podium. My resume is already shining bright. Not bad for a couple of breaststrokes and some butterfly stunts heh?

Mr. President: Ah New York! Big city of dreams! Lizzy wants to do the catwalks there one day. I will have to take her to the Big Apple so that we can both make the Forbes list someday.

JoMo: Hasta pronto Senor! Nothing beats Spain and the bullfights! This is where I got my inspiration for the final take it or leave it settlement for the La Misere whiners. Those unhappy can see me in court. We had to cut our losses as we have lost the district and the risk of contaminating other districts was high.

BAWI: Yeh! Those Senoritas can take any bull by the horns. Lizzy & I have just appointed one to wrestle The Saint to the ground at STB. We now have our woman on the inside and she will put her cabin crew skills to good use and serve sangrias and tortillas to the tourism trade.

Mr. President: She has all the KKK elements and it is the best way for us to satisfy our MDG Plus targets as we empower more ladies around us. My own entourage needs to be beefed up. Even JP now has a stunning number as press attaché at MOFA. You did a great job toasting our Comrade Hu and dear brother leader Gadhaffi – both exemplary visionaries.

JenPa: Sir! New York was a clear example of us shinning through. Danny Boy was acting presidential in your absence and I had to keep reminding him that you are still the boss. He could not fathom how he could sell his Cubanomics in NYC. He did swing the door wide open for business at our forum but no one signed up because Ronny gave an interview at the UN radio to say that we are sinking!

BAWI: Oh well! That’s what you get for sleeping too long on the job. My poor bro is working tirelessly to justify his new title of VP and ADB chairman. He has set up his own 4x4 Foundation in Swaziland and sung our praises at the childhood conference in Moscow. He touched down a few days ago and is off again. He might beat you to the Mo Ibrahim prize next year Bwana!

JoMo: Yeah! He even lauded Mugabe for the clarity of vision during his tenure which contributed to the continued growth of COMESA. With such a mentor I can see our economy surging to new heights. You guys fit perfectly into the picture. It’s high time you deal with the real issues at home.

Mr. President: Boys, we need to ensure that we have a distinguished delegation to meet our dear Princess Anne. This is the biggest coup orchestrated by JP. We need to lay the red carpet all over and I will finally get to test drive the Rolls Royce that Gaines-Cooper gifted to me. I might get a knighthood as the Chancellor of UniSey.

BAWI: We will include this Cooper man at the state dinner as he has a lot to gain. He would love to meet the Princess to discuss his problems with the UK Tax Department and his residency status in Seychelles. I have already been briefed by Dr. Woff Sir. Now that he is a bachelor boy again taking care of the Pomeranian, he has all the time in the world to plan the grand opening of UniSey. He has ordered all the gowns and has already sent the invites out.

JenPa: UniSey is the brainchild of the President and it will be his moment of glory. No other president has achieved such milestones. As the draughtsman of the revolution, he has changed the course of our history and is now basking in the glory of tenacious leadership. His legacy reads like a tome. And I am proud to be a lieutenant by his side.

JoMo: Sir, as Minister of the Environment, I will make sure that the Princess has a safe landing on Aldabra. Mo & JP from MOFA can play the fiddle by the pantheon at Vallee de Mai. She should also get a sneak peek at the carbon neutral Cousin. Sustainable tourism at work…

Mr. President: Perfect agenda. This will give her a good glimpse of the Seychelles brand. I will personally invite her to join us or send her daughter to party with us at the carnival.

JoMo: Sir, don’t forget that you and Bawi still have to chart the way forward for this famous brand. You promised a five year master plan for this new motor of the economy. With all the red tape curtailed & private sector in the driving seat, we are indeed going from rags to riches.

BAWI: We have laid down the pointers. As chairman of STB, with the invaluable assistance of the new deputy CEO, we will take this vital industry to new heights. We have workable solutions to propel our country as a world class model. Let the Seychelles brand infuse our thinking as we celebrate our 40 years of tourism next year. Let’s unleash the potential.

JenPa: Sir, I am still bewildered at how ‘The Saint’ managed to twist your arm on the Ile Aurore and Victoria waterfront projects. Shame that the deal with the South Africans and Omanis did not materialize. Du Gas really took us on a ride this time… But you have turned it around brilliantly. You will surely go down as the most visionary Minister of Tourism. Hail to the chief!

BAWI: Sir we now have to make sure that it is genuine Seychellois that benefit from these projects. We cannot alienate our voters anymore by allowing the naturalized Du Gas buddies of Siva & Rama away where near these projects. We will have another revolution on our hands.

Mr. President: Well depending on what is on our next begging list for the Sheik, I might have to surrender a portion. We have no other choice. The Sesel Pou Seselwa movement is gathering pace and we need to consolidate ‘nou ban aki’.

JoMo: Sir, I have drawn up my wish list. We need to ensure that all our roads get a new coating from the airport to La Misere and Barbarons so that his highness can ride in comfort. A new surface is also needed on Praslin if we are to win back this island at the next elections.

Mr. President: OK, I will let Danny handle all the dealings from now on. We have pushed for a supplementary budget to see us through this year with multiple trips overseas. We are in for a landslide next year as I ride on the carnival wave and we throw a massive party for the ‘zwe dezil’. Not to worry my boys. We have everything under control.

BAWI: His highness has delivered on his Perseverance promise and we have a new district in the bag. We will soon open the new diagnostic centre and the state of the art coast guard base. Our people will soon forget the shitwater nightmare and all the mishaps of the one rupee land deals, monstrous palace on the hill and drain on our water and electricity supply. Long live the Sheik, long live diplomatic immunity!

JenPa: Sir, we need to have a ‘tète à tète’ to discuss your forthcoming economic summit meeting in Brussels. We will finally make it to the EU capital with the supplementary budget. Time to pry open the doors of the European movers and shakers. OMG, I can’t believe that Christmas is round the corner…

The nomadic team contemplates more travels and the signing of new deals to prop up this presidency as it prepares to do battle on the ‘judge me by my multiple actions’ banner. With the foreign contingent under the wings, a third tenure of promises is assured…