Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Ecstatic showboating & fond farewells

June is really a confusing month! There are too many days to celebrate. The Seychelles President is at a loss. He is distancing himself from the ghosts of the 5th and wants to place the 18th high on his agenda. This is his stage. It is his moment in the sunshine. All the others can forever live in the shadows of the 29th. Sesel is no longer for Seselwa. The prolonged effects of the coup have turned us all into third class citizens and we need to bow to our new masters who come bearing gifts from the Orient (middle & far) as faithful JenPa says his final farewell...

JenPa: Top of the morning to you my good Sir. My heart is pounding as I take on the new role you have bestowed upon me. I will have papa’s voice to guide me from up above. I am indeed rather green but I have served you unwaveringly on all fronts in this humble abode. I am a real product of the revolution and I have to live up to papa’s expectations. Long live the Adam dynasty. This is a true sign of strong governance under your tutelage Sir. Your determination, resilience and realistic vision will see us through.

Mr. President: You have been the most popular and ubiquitous face by my side JP. Glad that you have taken on the challenge and your dad’s belt my boy. Marie Pierre’s wish has now been granted and I have made you a minister. Since she hates your guts, I made her an ambassador and she will report to you! The brains have dried up a long time ago in this party so I have found the solution. When there are none within the ranks, we fast track those close to me with a parental lineage. We retire ministers to diplomats and promote diplomats into ministers…

JenPa: Yes Mr. President. Erna will have to face up to the Equator Institute. She will have to navigate through all the latitudes and longitudes at MOH. She is well endowed and has an appropriate belt to kick some ass there. She will show her predecessor how it’s done but she will have to struggle. Her ministry has run up a bill of over 15 million with PUC alone. Oh well, she will soon bask in the glory of a new diagnostic centre. That’s the perfect platform to usher her in. She has vouched to keep a level head and even continue with her consultations.

Mr. President: Indeed JP. We cannot lose touch with the people. We have to keep listening to their aspirations. My Facebook page keeps me in touch with my fans. I will be doing another round of the districts before the next elections. The strategy is working. We have SBC in overdrive and we are drowning all the dissenting voices except for STAR which is giving the free speech promoters the platform to challenge me.

JenPa: Despite my added responsibilities I will remain faithful to the Jj Spirit cause and make the time to wage the cyber wars. With Danny as the new VP, I am glad that you have ushered in Barry Boy. He will now take on my mantle but will have a tough act to follow. It is indeed a hot seat reserved for only seasoned diplomats. But he knows a thing or two about diplomatic immunity and he will have good old Orderly to guide him in the background. My sole mission now is to promote your economic diplomacy of senseless selling to make up for the squandered billions. “I believe I can fly...”

Mr. President: I just hope that Bawi can manage the extracurricular agenda as skilfully as you did. We have several damsels in distress that we need to sustain and I think that the last trip to the two biggest powers in China and India gave him the appropriate stage to ascertain his trade in presidential affairs. He is now ready to acquiesce and I will settle for no less than diplodocuses by my side. One needs a dinosaur temperament for this monumental task!

JenPa: Indeed Sir. You are well taken care of with the brothers in arms. Danny Boy has gravitated with honors as he stage managed the National Day fun party with great gusto. He has outdone Belmont and his agriculture show but the government and parastatals were sorely absent. I can understand that we do not want to open any can of worms for IDC and Seypec but surely PUC should have come to the party. At least they should have used this auspicious occasion to show our people why our reservoirs have dried up and our power grids are in knots! Those French guys that JoMo brought in for millions are taking us for fools. But your grand entrance at Stad Linite was a mesmerizing spectacle! Kudos to you Sir!

Mr. President: I am glad that you were impressed with my showboating at the parade. My grand entrance with my latest BMW wheels, complete with the Honda Goldwing mean machines acting as protective armour with my two jeeps and bevy of Rambos was indeed a sight to see huh? Power and stature is in the eye of the beholder! I rub shoulders with the rich and powerful JP and I have to look the part right? But the speech delivery was a bit of a letdown. The teleprompter malfunction made me look like a schoolboy delivering a verbal book reading assignment.

JenPa: No Sir! Your diatribe was no verbal diarrhoea! Srdjana and I tried to doctor a speech to quell all this talk about ‘Sesel Pou Seselwa’. We cannot afford to alienate our bailers at this juncture. It is now a matter of life and death. We desperately need the new generators. We cannot fail on the promise of the new district at Perseverance. We need the handouts from the Sheik, India and China to keep us afloat. Per Fondater’s empire has siphoned everything off. You were anointed to shield the scams and you have ended up throwing away the baby and the bathwater as the Irish say.

Mr. President: The plan is all working to perfection JP. You will hold the fort on the international front to keep convincing the donor nations to wax lyrical about my legacy. I have taken the IMF bull by the horns and wrestled it to the ground. It is now eating out of our hands and all nations far and wide are goose stepping to our war songs. I count on your devotion to continue waving our flag across the globe.

JenPa: Indeed Sir. You are truly in a league of your own. As you take on your new role as the apostle of change in your blue shirt, unity might finally come. Our people will stay divided as long as we keep rubbing salt in their wounds. We need a new mindset on this revolution and liberation theory that no longer holds water. I will leave this riddle to Bawi and the new generation of leadership at this address...but make sure you are not usurped by an internal coup!

Mr. President: No way! I plan to bow out gracefully and hand over the reins in the same manner that I got catapulted into this seat. This is the best way to ensure continuity in the clan. Now that Danny Boy has done his stint at Finance to ensure that he protects ‘nou ban aki’ and ensures that all the secret codes to the fortress are protected he is ready he is on the right track.

JenPa: Sir, MarlyLou and Big Pat are furious that you have passed them over and shunned the party tradition.

Mr. President: Well I know that they have been craving for a ministerial reward. But they are both liabilities and they need to be confined to Ile du Port. A once in a while appearance on TV is bad enough to tarnish our image. Come to think of it, I am so bored with the high level meetings with the LOGB and I am glad that you have conveniently taken this off the agenda. They should be content with the retirement package which has turned them into millionaires overnight. We now need a cleanup there as well. I will send JoMo on a mission there soon.

JenPa: Great thinking Mr. President. They are costing us too much. The biggest mistake you made was to placate Wavel with the fat salary and perks for the Assembly folks. We are now saddled with this burden for the rest of our lives. This will take a huge chunk of our GDP as the legislators rake in several hundreds of millions every year. What a drain on our already meagre resources.

Mr. President: Not to worry my man! Money is never an issue. It is in our roots and will always flow in abundance. It’s a rich man’s world. Look at us! We started off with ‘tres peu de sous’ and we now have little empires flourishing all over the place. There is no such thing as ‘free money’. We learnt our lessons well. All you need to do is grease all the hands that are stretched out to you. Buy everyone to stay quiet, maintain the status quo and label it as ‘real change’! Now you have to continue this legacy...

JenPa: Yes Sir! I will keep selling as long as we need the money. I take on this noble task to lead your philosophy of desperate economic management with pride.

Mr. President: Go in peace my son! I have always had a fondness for everything diplomatic and economic. I missed out on the Mo Ibrahim foundation prize yet again this year. But once he gets word of my economic-diplomatic thrust he is bound to bestow the accolade of excellence in African leadership upon me. I will then step down in style next year as I ride on the wave of a new election triumph, ‘pou lanmour Sesel’!

Mr. President gives his outgoing SOS a big bear hug as tears well up in their eyes. Adieu to an endearing son and confidant who has done a marvellous job at prepping up the boss and ushered him into the modern era of techno. Duty calls at MOFA and JenPa bows out with grace as the new trappings of his new post awaits him. Hmm... time to ride in a BMW as well....