Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Another set of musical chairs & enter Bawi

JENPA has used his last days at State House to announce another round of musical chairs for ministers & cohorts of the JJ Spirit team. Little ‘j’ has been hung out to dry and mull over his fat retirement pension. Danny Boy gets the VP nod as dictated by FAR in ‘93 and now they need to redistill the Spirit. Prez’s favourite blue eyed boy is off to chat with the honorary Seychelles Consuls of the world. The Paris Vice-Consul will prove to be a major challenge and ongoing liability. Bawi-4 has been anointed into the flaming hot seat of SOS, complete with its self eject button. This seat has claimed both Orderly and JP and it is hungry for more seasoned diplodocuses. The revolution has now gone full circle as the Marxist 4 x 4 brothers lie in waiting. Bawi wants this first impression to be a lasting one. He is ushered in the President’s office by a luscious long legged damsel in stilettos. Wow, this is the new PS for Presidential Affairs. A gorgeous number indeed...

Mr. President: GOOD Morning to you Bawi, welcome to State House. You are not new here and we are happy to have you on board as my new Secretary of State.
Now that you are back Bawi, we will see if all the money we spent on your plane tickets around Asia and Europe to educate you with these high ambassadorial posts have helped bring you up to handle the matters of state in my executive office.

I hope the speech therapist helped and I do hope you have proper Indian suits for the travelling part of your job. And remind me where I can buy those thick ties you wear that look like scarves around your neck. By the way, who is your barber? I need a trim too, just like yours. I like that ThinkPad look over the head. Now back to the job description Bawi. I warn you, the last two SOS did not last long. There is a virus out there called “State House Anytime Now”, and it puts our SOS into inertia and depression in no time.

Orderly hit the bottle like there was no tomorrow trying to figure out how information is leaked out of State House. Eventually this rag corner revealed a deal he made with Sosis to make me sign the two junk bonds that bankrupted Seychelles and made me look like a donkey. I had him exit via the back door, especially after hearing him bad mouth me over the phone with Ogilvy.

JENPA for his part recently set out on a counter insurgency attack of this virus & MSR. He masterminded the failed attempt (with a little help from our Irish friends) to break into the NDP office to annihilate the biggest political threat to the SPPF-Lepep-SNP alliance. Even the xenophobic and racist label is not sticking on them!

He launched a counter spy fake profile program to sow confusion and ridicule the MSR people. Then my district administration spies found out they already had the necessary signatures to form a party. Three weeks on a computer wasted. Millions of rupees down the drain. JENPA networked Pauline Ferrari and others in the smear campaign but failed miserably. It is time to get off this Facebook thing. It has now become our worst nightmare. I thought I could run my campaign on this platform but have been lambasted by my ‘friends’. Even my sweet pea Chief Press Secretary has disappeared from the face of this book.

BAWI: Yesss Sirrrr!!! I beeelieve it. We need some diplomatic immunity around this house in order to shake off this virus. Now that you have relieved me from managing your extracurricular activities, I’ll be able to focus more on the nitty-gritty stuff. What a masterstroke on the appointment of your new leggy, shexy, long jet-black haired PS. It will surely placate the first lady as it creates a further wedge...

Mr. President: Yeah nice little number heh? So Bawi, your brother is now VP and President in waiting. If I should fall ill and not be able to perform my duties, he will take over. You never know these days. I had to remove JoMo from the running, because Gran Golan said he is too evergreen and was never a red-eye. My time is coming too. So I will show you what I can as fast as I can. I cannot face an electorate after selling the country to Arabs, Russians, Indians and South Africans. Soon I will sell the airport, so the Opposition stops asking questions about all the Arabs landing on it. If they own it, we will have to ask them permission to use it. So the complaining will soon stop.

You know my boy; Danny has been calling me stupid for years. I have the reports but I could not do anything about it. He is ‘Per Fondater’s’ chosen one from the early days of the Constitutional Conference when we were selling Malo arms to Rwanda for Genocide. We did not know what they were doing and did not care. We just wanted the money.

JENPA laid this on my desk, a copy of ‘Jeune Afrique’ with a double page spread on Danny as the architect of the Seychelles economic recovery and refinancing effort of our debts. It does not even mention me as doing anything. It is all about Danny-Boy the chosen one. I am really offended by this, as if I did nothing all these years. I work hard Bawi!

BAWI: Mr. President, you made Danny look good by bankrupting the country. Then he met with IMF because you were not around and he handled the debt rescheduling which you could not. He then negotiated the partial debt guarantee with ADB through Peter Sinon, a most favoured nation deal, which you could not broker. We are a team my good Sir. Do not take it bad. Two Faures = 4x4. And that gives you more torque and can get you through thick mud and rugged terrain Mr. President. Be thankful, VP Danny has not imported Ghurkhas to solve our financial problems.

Mr. President: Ah, Bawi you are so insightful! Yes you are right. But my time at State House is coming to a quick end. It will all be puff, poof, puff, and over with soon. It all went so fast for the first two terms. We had the visit to the Pope and then he died. Then the Lehman brothers came knocking on my door, then me knocking on their door. Then no answer, even from a mobile! Then the debts, then the defaults & selective defaults. Then Siva paying for fuel and buying off the country. Then Khalifa, the shit, the oversized palace, the escaped cobras & oversized cargo planes breaking our runways. Then came the shacks at the international airport making us look like outer Manila. Now they want the airport to run themselves. Then came the collapse. Then Europe falling, our main markets dwindling, then JENPA puts this twisted Mata Hari as Honorary Vice Consul to handle our main market France. What a round of French cancan!

We are in a mess and it is all ending too fast. Soon the side riders will be gone, the BMW X5s and 7 Series will be in Danny’s hands and I will be back in my little Nissan. It has been quite a time Bawi. Oh, and the book JENPA wrote and Mancham sells in his bookstore, I must not forget. At least it will outlive my legacy...

BAWI: I gather that Ton Jim has not sold one copy of your book. Mr. President, on one of my paid State trips in Europe, I learnt that when a book does not sell, it is the fault of the author, not the seller. Did you know that?

Mr. President: You mean JENPA wrote a bad book intentionally?

BAWI: Mr. President, between you and I, when JENPA worked at State House, he was not working for you. He was working for the ADAM and SAVY families. They have placed their bets on my brother Danny. They are Nationalists and totally agree with the MSR platform of “Sesel Pou Seselwa”. But they believe “Sesel Pou Adam ek Savy”.

So they believe as I understand Sir, the best way to keep the Adam & Savy in power is to get rid of you slowly. Sir, this is the reason he wrote the book and put all those silly speeches no one even listen to in a book. Postulate Sir! If people never bothered to listen to your speech, why would they read them in a book?

The Adam & Savy, through JENPA encouraged you to implement the “Sell Baby Sell” program to remove you before the next election. Danny controls the party activists’ master list and the fake voters list. You are being set up for an internal party coup my good Sir.

Mr. President: Bawi, this is a very revealing statement. Are you sure? I don’t believe that, it cannot be! ME being set up for an internal party coup? No, No, No! I am well surrounded by my own clique. Have you noticed the security detail that protects me nowadays? They will have to take on my Rambos in the black jeeps and break down the two wheeler Goldwings metal shield before getting to my bullet proof new BMW 7 series. No, I will not end up like Ravalomanana.

BAWI: Sir, I am Danny’s brother, but I am an SPPF-Lepep Communist party animal first. You are my leader. I am loyal to you Sir.

Mr. President: Do you want the Ministry of Foreign Affairs or do you want to be the next Vice Presidential candidate? I can do another reshuffle, I am good at that. Come to think of it, a 4x4 ticket can produce the right traction to wipe out all the blunders and slip ups of the Jj team. With Belmont doing his ‘E-I-E-I-O’ exit we now have a chance to reinvent ourselves. I have now set up a dynamic team with this new reshuffle.

BAWI: I am here to serve you Sir, in any capacity I can. We need to build on that capacity so that we can open up more avenues to diplomatic immunity. This is the key to our success as a team at this glorious abode. I just love being surrounded by all these shexy ladies that ooze so much glamour and charm. I can see that Lise takes on this delicate portfolio of private affairs with a brimming smile. She really makes everyone’s day and is an added ray of light around this house.

Mr. President: OK good, check and see if I still have those blood pressure pills. But don’t mix them with the little blue Viagra pills. This is a state secret I am letting you on. No other damsels - not even the first dame should know about this OK?


Bawi is elated that his first briefing went well and has set the tone for the future gripes. He realises that a lot of the State House affairs have to be handled with a surgical pair of gloves. There are no longer clean hands at this abode and he intends to ensure that he has a regular cuppa with his bro so that a two way communication can flourish between the two high powered offices to ensure that the impending transition is smooth as silk. He gets the jitters just to think that Per Fondater is casting a close squint from the People’s House...