Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Of escapees and red dragons

 

The Seychelles President has courted the red dragon and is hell bent on the ‘crouching tiger’. Meanwhile, his committee chairman of prisons has been slaying the local dragon that hides behind the Montagne Possee Maxi Security prison. It tends to escape a little too often and he had to shoot to disable and call in the ‘Ghurkhas’. Things are not well in the bushes and JoMo has adopted his ‘Lucky Luke’ role and rides into town with all guns blazing!

JenPa: Nihao! Top of the morning to you my good Sir. I can see via the diplomatic news feed that we have scored some crucial points with this trip to Shanghai. Little Barry was on his best behaviour in the company of his partner in diplomacy Ramadoss. They made a nice pair and you guys could pass for a delegation from Mauritius or India!

Mr. President: Yes, we’ll see if Ramadoss can broker a deal with the Chinese medical fraternity to be able to complete this hospital at Providence. Courting the Indians to join hands has failed. T-Frans wanted to see the completion of this Emerald edifice before the next elections. He is fed up of going back and forth for his checkups. Talk about Mauritius we need to send a message of congratulations to Ramgoolam on his victory. Shame that our partner in crime Berenger did not win! We would have had a better rapprochement with him. He was after all our staunch supporter after the coup d’état.

JenPa: Oh ya! Those famous days! He is now a reformed Marxist like you Sir. But unfortunately in the Mauritian fledgling democracy he is shut out. He cannot dream of doing a coup there! Well these old days seem to have come back to haunt us. We now have to handle so much on Facebook it is unreal. Sesel Pou Seselwa is back to haunt us. We are being pounced upon by overseas voters and ridiculed by the coco de mer and other sites such as Seychelles B...S.... Corporation. The cyber war is on Sir. We are creating a Sesel Pou Tou Seselwa page to counter the ‘mouvman’.

Mr. President: Incidentally, I hear that our agent Pauline had a wardrobe malfunction and ended up as the little cutie in her petite ‘kitenge’ number. We are trying to get her to keep tabs on dad and brother. Now our ‘People’ lady-editor has roped her into a linguistic brawl. Poor girl! She needs to be aware that politics is now a new game. It is a beg, steal or borrow world out there. Politik bon marse! She needs to be extra careful. I commissioned her and her Ledoi Majick friend for the media report and now she wants to collaborate. She doesn’t come cheap!

JenPa: Well there is talk of scratchy bottoms. Some are calling it haemorrhoids but extended research has yielded a severe case of paranoia. We are guarding against this assembly of brains and patriots that is mobilising public opinion against our smokescreen efforts. Bon! Passons à des choses serieuses! Let Pauline handle her porridge. I have made a list of the spoils from the last Shanghaiing effort:

-          Yeepie! Six (6) million dollars as a grant. That’s a whopping 40 million rupees Sir. Well done. We can add some to our election kitty.

-          Wow! A patrol boat to tackle the pirates. Hmm, JoMo will be over the moon.

-          Super! 52 scholarships. Rolf will be ecstatic.

-          Ohh! A few more buses to add to the SPTC fleet. That will go a long way to wooing more of these polytechnic students into the Jj Spirit.

-          OMG! AND a lot more to come in the field of business, construction, investment & land development.

Mr. President: Indeed JP. I am not only a man of the people. I am also a man of action. A man in need is a friend indeed! We have ignited a passionate friendship with Hu and the gang. They see us as a gem in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

JenPa: An emerald gem indeed Sir. We will become the springboard of the FAR East into Africa. Our openness and commercially astute ‘Sell baby sell’ rules of engagement has attracted some high powered Sheiks, Mafiosi and world leaders. We are like diamonds on the soles of their shoes.

Mr. President: Yeah spinner! How did you like the interview I did aboard Hu’s private plane. I did look presidential indeed. But I will bring back a smaller plane to give to David for his domestic operation. This is economic diplomacy in full swing JP. Barry has given all the immunity and we have gifted some land at La Misere for the villas. This is ‘Sinno-Seselwa’ (SS) entente at its best – Obama style!

JenPa: Sir I know you were bombarded with these phone calls at the wee hours of the morning that disturbed your beauty sleep in Shanghai. But the Commander of the Prisons Operations is here for his debrief.

(JoMo walks in all smartly dressed in his long sleeve shirt, decked in a cowboy hat and a holster dangling around his thin waist, harbouring a plastic toy gun).

Mr. President: Hello JoMo! Man, you look like ‘The Man of Action’! So what have you concocted this time around with this hunting of the escapees? I gather that you operated with a swift lighting strike to annihilate the threat at “Cap Lelefan”! You did a great job as stand in C in C.

JoMo: Welcome back dear leader. I am proud to report that the containment plan was executed to the T. There was no messing around. We had to engage in a shootout to be able to flush them out of their hideout. A bullet has been lodged in a ladies bottom as a result, mais c’est pas bien grave!

Mr. President: Indeed JoMo. The action was appropriate. I approve of your heroics yet again. Between the Pirates and the escaped convicts, you seem to be keeping some good company. I am happy to note that you have sent them a warning that we will not tolerate this anymore. And we will do it again if we have to. I have been monitoring the situation via satellite from my six star hotel suite in Shanghai. Your GPS position was criss-crossing all over Mahe. Some shuttle diplomacy! What a brilliant idea to recruit those Ghurkhas! We need to replace all this bunch of inefficient sloths with cobra eyed stuntmen. Whatever your strategy this time around, I do not want another additional headache with escapees. We have our fair share of pirates thanks to your genius.

JoMo: Yes Sir. I also ensured that you had adequate coverage on SBC through my endless liaisons with you and your message of sympathy for the suffering and praise and appreciation for the heroics went down well. I know that the crisis caused some sleepless nights for you and threatened to overshadow your epic visit to China. But all’s under control Mr. President Sir.

Mr. President: Oh well. I presume that all our local guards went for a ‘lamok lapire’ to celebrate ‘lafet travayer’ and left key to the door of the prison under the doormat. Now that’s what I call lateral thinking. JP can you please give our ‘Lucky Luke’ a cuppa of this nice Jasmine brew that I brought back from Shanghai? It is my latest secret to a healthy, stress free lifestyle.

 JenPa: Yes Sir it will clear his mind so that he can attend to all the environmental cases that are piling up. We need to keep going green. Victoria needs some attention. We have to turn it into the pulse of the Indian Ocean as we attract all our newfound friends to our shores. Dr. Rolf has got some brilliant ideas that he wants to work on in order to justify his self proclaimed ‘Nobel Peace Prize’. Long live the small island states! Long live the Sea Level Rise Foundation!

The high level debrief is washed down by a heavy dose of Chinese Herbal/Medicinal brew to help with soothing the muscles and the nerve endings. This last year of the presidency is accident prone and it is getting harder to convince people that we are trying our best. The Ship of State is listing... Ah pa file segon nwaranz nou bato... Aan..nou sote maren bato pe pran fon!