Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Circumventing the Equator and Shanghaiing around

Now that we have gone full circle to rope in all possible patronage, it is time to call the professionals into our camp. We need all the necessary backing as grassroots support is dwindling and this new ‘mouvman’ will become a force to be reckoned with. Need to shoot them down fast! We need to circumvent the equator, as we head to the Far East for some covert Shanghaiing operations...

JenPa: Hello my good Sir! The agenda is set and we are on course. We have managed to wrestle the SCCI and now we have shown our mettle by creating yet another mutual admiration society. After much deliberation, we will add the ‘Equator Institute’ to our collection. We had a wonderful turnout and we now have a throng of professionals rallying behind us. Who said we had a brain drain within our factions Sir? The ‘prossesus’ is called natural attrition. We have gone full circle.

Mr. President: Indeed JP! Now I can shake off this simpleton label. I am surrounded by a brain bank. Whenever I require ideas, I can dive into this think tank. We will get all these brains into gear, come hell or high water. But we are faced with a dilemma my son. All these career men and women are laying down some harsh conditions. All of them are requesting that they be paid handsomely like the Irish and the Australian expats. We cannot afford this JP.

JenPa: Yep! We seem to have opened a can of cobras on this one. We might as well level the playing field or else we risk a massive defection like we experienced with the Jj Spirit. Remember Sir, we had all our brains spread out on that convention centre floor. We rallied everyone working for us in the party and in the civil service. It is the same team that has taken this country on its wild ride during your time in office. A merry bunch I must admit.

Mr. President: Incidentally, I have just received the first memo from the institute and they have two specific demands. Here, have a read and update me...

JenPa: Hmmm.... Demand No. 1 – We need to get equal pay with the Irish for us to be able to function 100% (a minimum of wage of SCR 85,000.00 -125,000.00 per month, plus a villa, car and unlimited fuel allowance). Otherwise we shall not impart with our knowledge.

Demand No. 2 - Equal Opportunity at arms dealing like the Irish, Chang Leng and Glenny (Rwanda Malo Arms Deal) to allow professionals opportunity to earn extra money on the side, so that we do not have to take on second jobs and lose focus.

Demand No. 3 - We recommend an increase in the number Pearl Class seats to cater for our increased fraternity (JP Adam can sort this one out as he is on the board).

Mr. President: Very well then. You know that I have a little thirst for knowledge. Wisdom comes to those who wait! We have built the necessary bridges now it is up to them to cross. I am so proud of all our achievements this year. We are on the crest of a wave.

JenPa: If you are filled with pride Sir, then you will have no room for wisdom. And when the master of the house lacks wisdom, the doctor's work is useless. So we need to take everything in our stride. We have provided them with the platform. Now what we need to do is get them to put their thinking caps on and come to us with ideas. We will start with all the failures and seek their input on how to right these wrongs. We need to do this step by step in the run up to the elections. No one has a monopoly on ideas. We are bankrupt of ideas. So the best thing is to throw everything in the tank and burn the grey matter that acts as a booster for our ship of state Sir!

Mr. President: We are on the same wavelength my man! Other people's wisdom prevents the king from being called a fool. The game plan is working. We suck in the youth with our Jj Spirit and promise them the world. We serenade the ladies with our powerful women’s league and give them their own special day. We now dominate the business community and are the masters of our economic destiny. With our new think tank we are thinking big. It will act as our advisory board on all our policies. I will be able to deflect all this criticism of my lousy deeds as I can rely on a cross section of professionals to guide me in my decision making. We have given them a voice to sing our praises. Now that’s what I call lateral thinking!

JenPa: Sir Shanghai is calling. I will be staying behind this time around as I need to take care of business in cyberspace. Things are heating up out there and we need a comprehensive plan to counter attacks on ‘Facebook’. We need to step up a gear and increase our popularity in the virtual world. State House takes no prisoners. I now have a cyber team that will replace the council of ministers. There are not enough hours in a day to keep track of this political cyber revolution. But I will miss all these Chinese feasts and culinary smorgasbords, especially those delicately brewed tipples. Oh well, let brother Barry and Ramadoss indulge this time...

Mr. President: Ha! Having some oriental nostalgia I can see! Not to worry, I’ll get Ramadoss to take care of the presents for all the ones close to our hearts. We have a lot going for us in China. I like the way this one was orchestrated. No mention of my departure locally and suddenly I pop up on the screens touring the FAR East. Talk about living in the virtual world mon ami!

JenPa: Indeed Sir! But we should have shipped out the teleprompter as you seemed to be at a loss with the speech delivery without it. The opening of the pavilion at the expo was not as pompous as we would have liked. But hey, at least we got some grainy footage beamed back home...

Mr. President: Yes we need to get maximum mileage. Hu is a kind man and a friend for life. He has promised to see us through this bad patch and he has assured me that he will keep the pipeline flowing to help me overcome this final hurdle to my last term in office. Small is beautiful. And our Chinese friends look upon us as their tiny brother. A Goliath flexing his muscles to protect the little David of the Indian Ocean.

JenPa: Well I can see that you have come back with a bagful of goodies Sir. Our economic diplomacy is bearing fruits. The ‘Chinoiserie’ has paid off. Up next is the world cup in SA. ‘Hello Africa, tell me how you doin’!’ Remember that we are China’s gateway to Africa. I will press on Air Seychelles to start this link with Beijing or Shanghai! Plenty of Yuans will transit through Victoria. And the fringe benefits will be enough to keep us afloat.

Mr. President: Brilliant thinking JP. We will soon shake off this IMF curse and reach out for the stars. The sky’s the limit....

Despite all the Shanghaiing around, the looming commercial debts have decided our fate. Everyone is now disillusioned by the President’s ‘Sell Baby Sell’ philosophy. They were more accustomed to Mancham’s ‘Sing Baby Sing’ or Albert’s ‘Borrow Baby Borrow’ mantra. It seems like the ‘Sesel Pou Seselwa’ idea has caught on again. O Sekour!