Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Innovative Thinking or Bust!

In the face of adversity, the Seychelles Presidency is ushering in a new era. New ways of thinking and doing things at both government and party level has now been adopted as the latest mantra. We are already registering some heavy collateral damage with the recent mishaps and we can count our stars that the well oiled propaganda machines are still operating. Those pirates seem to want to test our resolve. You do not mess with the Jj Spirit!


JenPa: Hello my good Sir! Despite our show of unity at the ‘one-of-a-kind’ conference we seem to be taking to the slopes. We are in for the ride of our lives. ‘Per Fondater’ never bothered to show up. Our intelligence team can no longer cope with this wave of public outcry. The movement seems to be on the march and loads of our people have joined in. While these guys try to mount a challenge, we still have to grapple with all this mess and the infighting in our camp. The future does not bode well for us, Sir. We need to score some points. Let’s be tough on these pirates! The Chairman of the Committee is here to see you Sir.

Mr. President: Very well JP. Please let him in.... (Superman J comes in for a debriefing on the latest developments about the standoff with ‘Topaz’. He is looking the part complete with his four star beige cap & military fatigues!) 


JoMo: A very good morning Commander! I have already done my interview and provided all the details of the action pertaining to the rescue of our fishermen brothers. We will never allow ourselves to be taken hostage again. This was a daring mission and the best PR stunt to get our people’s minds off their day to day destitution. I tried to paint a vivid picture to give it a Hollywood twist. I did ensure that your name was mentioned more than 15 times during the interview...

Mr. President: Brilliant JoMo. If you continue in that mould, I will make you C in C one day! But what’s with these 10,000 rounds that Topaz pumped into this poor dhow before it caught fire and sunk? This is more like target practice! Well I’m glad that you highlighted this fact. We can now get more ammo rounds from NAVFOR. Our action has sparked a fuse within the region and a search and destroy mission is on.


JoMo: They have now been warned Sir. We cannot allow any pirate infestation in our waters. Now that we have the mandate, we will whip their little raisin bottoms and they will swim all the way to Somalia. I made sure that the overseas press is well informed of our heroics on the high seas. The message out there is clear. Don’t mess with Seychelles!


Mr. President: OK JoMo, don’t get too carried away. This is just child’s play. Back in the 70’s, we were doing more daring stuff than that! Now we have upgraded. I do not have to handle a gun anymore. I do everything remotely, monitoring every detail on a GPS and a computer screen. I tell you. This modern technology that the young ones are exposing me to is just fabulous.


JoMo: I am sure that you do find some VP material in this performance right Sir? This is the mindset we need to adopt for our next election campaign. Our people want a decisive Jj Spirit and firm leader. But you need to be in the thick of the action & provide a warm Presidential welcome to the distressed fishermen. The Iranians are already in awe with you. I am sure you will receive a message of heartfelt thanks from Ahmadinejad. We did a much better job than Carter did when he tried to rescue the Americans hostages.


JenPa: Sir, our young leaders of the defence forces are proving their worth. They are doing us proud. These Somali morons ‘pe tat zot delo’! We are in full swing with our innovation process. Next thing you know they will invade Aldabra and take our entire colony of tortoises hostage. And that will come at a hefty ransom.


Mr. President: Very well JoMo. Many thanks for this update. We’ll see to it that we get some good mileage on SBC when they arrive. You now need to attend to the groaning folks at La Misere. There is a huge compensation that we need to come up with for the pollution fiasco. I am very unhappy with the way Environment handled this issue. Now where do we find all this money to pay out? The Sheik refuses to fork out any more money. He says that he cannot be the one rewarding such incompetence.


JenPa: We thank you for your time Mr. Piracy Committee Chairman; we have more pressing business matters to attend to. (JoMo gulps down his glass of Evian water and makes his way to his car).


Mr. President: OK JP, so what do you have planned for me today?


JenPa: Sir, you will be happy to note that we have already set up the new agency to oversee the transformation of the ‘Nation’ newspaper. Danny had no problem presenting the bill. Just a little cosmetic make over - just like we did when we transformed SMB to STC. We now create a board that will be appointed by you so we can maintain more control as we’ll have more people doing the job of the editor. A bigger push indeed!


Mr. President: I have found the magical formula to solve all the problems and issues affecting our young, budding democracy. It is best to pluralise everything. We create committees and agencies and I appoint all the members to help me run the show. It is too much for one man JP. So I get to delegate. Once you have these members on board they have to follow in our footsteps.


JenPa: Sir, we have just received a parcel in the mail from Commrade Raul Castro. He has sent many books as you requested. He sent the entire ‘Dummies’ series. They are perfect for a crash course in these subjects such as ‘Business 101’. By the way he has also sent a box of Cohiba cigars for Ton Albert. But he is not in a state to be puffing on these fat ones anymore.


Mr. President: Yes my man! I have tried my hand with these short courses on the Internet and I quite like it. I have been fascinated about a section called ‘guerrilla marketing’. I picked up some ideas and I am ready for my walkabout to visit some of the key businesses in town. But we better stick to the government businesses. We can perhaps call at the Credit Union to show some support. “Business skills are key to lower operating costs. Having good business management skills is the key to reducing the high costs of running a business”. You see I am mastering all this business high tech jargon heh!! Do I make any sense??


JenPa: Colastik Mr. President! But the best businessman beats you by FAR! He is more than $ 2.5 billion worth. Now that you are rubbing shoulders with the real movers and shakers in the business world we will ensure that you get the first honorary degree in business admin from ‘Uni Sey’. It will be of vital importance in our future dealings as we have quite a lot of foreign investors lining up to meet with you. They have gotten wind of the Sheik Khalifa story which STAR has put out worldwide. They are all keen to cut some deals to earn their key to Paradise.


Mr. President: Great move JP. We now also have control on world news, do we? Well I hope that my PR team will be able to get all the State House news in the world press. This time it needs to hit AFP, Reuters, CNN, BBC, Al Jazeera etc... Make sure you also send a picture of our new BMW X5 (courtesy of HRH) that we used on Praslin for the opening of the new Seypec depot in the company of our good captain. I am tempted to ask him for my own yacht as I need to think of a getaway plan. But I hate sailing. A private jet might be asking for too much though don’t you think?


JenPa: Not at all Sir. He is such a kind hearted and generous man. He has a heart for every Seychellois.....!!


Now that the Pirates have been taken care of, they have turned their undivided attention to riding the business community horse. Hmm, there is another battle looming ahead. The steed is about to jump over the precipice as the monster we unleashed is masterminding a coup to hijack the SCCI. We need to mount a strong lobby to avoid another disaster. Otherwise we’ll be masticated alive...