Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

Things are really falling apart…

Now that the plan to rewrite the Seychelles “Modern History” by literary mercenary Shillington has backfired, the President has to endure the wrath of the populace through his recent meetings at English River and Les Mamelles. As he sweats it out, the Chinese are taking hold of the construction of our democratic institutions and we are being bought out by the Arabs, Russians, Indians and South Africans…

JenPa: “Alons enfant de la patrie, le jour de gloire est arrivé…". . Ah, bonjour Monsieur Le President! With July on the horizon, we will be able to rub shoulders with the French to help them celebrate their national day. As we are parading in the dignitaries, we can welcome the visiting pompom rouges and their ambassador. We can make use of those Honda Gold Wing motorcycles.

Mr. President: JP, this is no time for singing French songs, even though I know you come from French descendants. I am getting very concerned about the happenings in the district. It is showing that everything is crumbling around me, that there is no leadership and that all the complaints show how inefficient we have become. Our MNAs and District Administrators are not visiting our people and looking into their problems. Here we are enjoying the trappings of dignitary visits and cocktails while our people are struggling to make ends meet. Well gone are the socialist principles. This is a new form of government and I need to make a departure from the previous system. We now have plenty of investment flowing.

JenPa: Indeed Sir. Prince Talaal now seems to own half of the country through his multiple investments. With Four Seasons and Raffles well underway, and all the concessions that go with it, he has surpassed Mukesh as the King of Kings. And don’t forget, the Prince rubs shoulders with Bill Gates. Now that he wants to conduct most of his business out of Seychelles, we might get our undersea fibre optic cable in no time and hopefully for free!

Mr. President: Yes JP! Investment is flowing from all over. Look at Eden Island. The prices are going down. So even Seychellois can afford such luxury! We are evolving as a people. Mancham wanted Kashoggi and I delivered Prince Talaal. Did you see the massive planes that came in last week?

JenPa: Yes the massive 747 glistened in the sun beside the VIP lounge. And there was also the Russian Antonov planes that brought in the toys and the gadgets such as the private helicopter, boats and cars, and even food and drinks. These guys know what luxury is about. I gather that he is also involved in the Ste. Anne project with little Francis. With Siva taking over Coetivy soon, we are set for life Mr. President.

Mr. President: Yeah, but things might not turn out as planned. These guys know that we are indebted so we now become indebted to them. It’s like when you have a house that you mortgage. We are taking mortgages in order to put our house back in order. Right now the focus is on the battle on the ground. We need to mobilize and garner support from the poor people and the old SPPF followers. Things are collapsing around me JP. I need to call the troops to order or I might have to reshuffle the cabinet.

JenPa: Sir with the new history book we already have the younger generation on a different mindset. The Jj spirit will have taken root and Seychelles will boom as the new Monaco or Switzerland that Mancham wanted it to be.

Mr. President: I have taken on that role to good effect. Since I was elected President, I have spent the most money but I have also played a great role as our Minister of Foreign Affairs. The investments speak for themselves. We are only going through a small IMF reform needed to stabilize the situation. Not to worry my son. We have so many islands we can mortgage to the rich and famous out there. Glenny has too much on his plate already, and I might ask him to retire soon as his Mauritian assets are quite enormous.

JenPa: Yeah, even David & Victoria Beckham found their island for a mere $100,000 a week. I do agree that we have so much precious real estate worth the precious oil money from Russia and Arabia. Dubai is building islands to attract the rich and famous and we have them in abundance here.

Mr. President: Incidentally I hear that Air Seychelles is doing weekly flights to Russia that are just losing thousand of dollars, and the passengers are also complaining about the state of these old planes. We need to finds ways to cut this wastage and get this money to repair the drains, clear the roads and give doctors to the Les Mamelles residents. We need to find ways in cutting costs in all areas JP, and win the confidence of the people as we need their votes badly.

JenPa: I am all for it Sir. There is definitely too much abuse in the system. It is exactly like our water problem. There is too much leakage. I can’t believe that basic requirements cannot be met at these district levels. What happens to the budgets allocated to them? Plus the drug problem does not want to go away. The rumour on the street is that a new consignment came in recently via some sort of military escort.

Mr. President: We are tackling the problem head on my boy. We are networking on an international level and soon we will catch the big fishes… It breaks my heart when I hear that our people are being affected by this fleo, as I have been affected myself. That’s why I want everyone to ‘koste’ in this fight.

JenPa: Sir, you promised to get the Escobars since 2006 but they are still controlling the drug trade in Seychelles. Meanwhile we have a generation of lost souls who cannot even take part in the running of their country. They are being overrun by foreigners and this is about to boil over. Ton Albert’s slogan of ‘Sesel pou Seselwa’ is coming back to haunt you. The two major issues I see here is selling our country to foreigners and fighting this drug war. Things are bound to fall apart.

Mr. President: Nothing is falling apart Mr. Secretary of State. This is called rebuilding from scratch. Koste Seselwa was the theme when we took Independence in 1976. We are bringing back this renaissance. We have gone through tough times and now we are ready to set sail to new horizons. With all the luxury hotels and marinas to attract the super yachts, royalty beckons…

JenPa: Sir we should not forget that we need to get these drains unclogged, the roads safer, the clinic more efficient so that we can win back the voters from Les Mamelles. As for English River, the MNA needs to take a break in his ‘fauteuil’ and allow a more dynamic youngster to take on the challenges of that district.

Mr. President: Indeed JP. Look at me, I have a very young team around me here at State House and we are running the best show. We need to get our new press secretary to communicate this. Remember, the key word is communication. This is the mandate I am giving my cabinet and all the chief executive officers. I have been the Minister for Information and Communication for a very long time as you know and I can certainly teach everyone a few lessons.

JenPa: This is the key to democracy Sir. We have found the perfect model for our little Seychelles. We take a little bit from the east and blend it in with a touch of the west. The Chinese have now agreed to build our Judiciary home not far from our people’s Parliament Building, and we have investment flowing from all directions – North, South, East and West.

Mr. President: I am looking forward to the 14^th July cocktail JP. It will reaffirm our commitment with the French in all bilateral areas, especially in helping us with the tuna stocks so that we can continue our trade with the Japanese. Remember we promised the Emperor a prized blue fin on our trip there earlier this year.

JenPa: Oh how I miss my sushi and sashimi with a lovely Sapporo beer. In fact Sir, we need to plan an Asian tour soon. We can hop to Singapore and you can set up some meetings to get a few ideas on how they manage to run such a good clean government and a drug-free society. We can then call on the King of Thailand and learn a bit about the Buddist faith to make us more ‘Zen’. We can finish that off with a side trip to the Philippines to explore a bit how their tourism trade runs there. And of course Sir, maybe a few massages in between (wink wink)…

Mr. President: JP, splendid idea as I could really use a few pretty Asian girls to rub my tired, aching muscles. I am so exhausted from shaking hands with dignitaries inside the walls of State House. We need to start visiting them in their own countries as this tends to have a more positive effect on their willingness to give us aid. We can even take Onezime and an SBC film crew with us to get more PR when we return.

JenPa: OK Mr. President. I have left you a copy of today’s press cuttings from the Press Secretary and the pretty one will come in soon to brief you on your schedule for the coming two days, not to mention a special appearance at the ‘Fete de Quatorze Juillet’ at Eden Island. There is a new lifestyle magazine called ‘Seyleb’ and they might want to have an interview with the First Lady about her charity work and life as the lovely young wife of our President. This is our chance to show your family side and I am sure it will look better than what Ton Albert did a few weeks back.

Mr. President: Tres bien JP. Bring them on! Communication is the key. The more you communicate the more popular you become…

JenPA ushers in the unexpected Orderly who has dropped in for a fresh cup of Arabica coffee in his capacity as Ambassador to the Vatican. He seems so relaxed in this new function as he has given up on the whiskey bottle and has embraced the faith in the most glorified manner. The President is actually quite happy to see his old Secretary of State. He is in for the 14^th July party alright!