Seychelles Comedy - State House Anytime Now

An all-round Seychelles President seeking to become a cult figure

The stage is set and the old Seychelles dictator has finally accepted that he has very few years to go and needs to free himself of the shackles. What an opportune moment for ‘Jame Misel’ as he now becomes the master of the roulette table. He will dictate ALL the proceedings from now on. ‘Parti Lepep’ is just a smoke screen which Danny can hide under. His ultimate agenda is to see the Jj Spirit blossom with new blood.

JenPa: Bonjour Monsieur Le President des Seychelles! I am glad that we have worked out a comprehensive PR and publicity offensive to keep up with all the developments that are upon us. I am starting to get little sleep and have now switched from my beers to heavy doses of caffeine in order to keep up. Now, I not only have to manage the life of a President but also the boss of the party. Not to mention the Jj spirit foundation… Don’t you think that I need a raise Sir?

Mr. President: Well whatever you ask for my son. But we have to wait till Joel sorts out this hostage crisis as we are in for a hefty ransom. I gather that the pirates are eyeing Desroches now that they overheard Big Boy on ‘Face a Face’ stating how the island has developed with so much fuel storage capacity. To be honest, I just wish they could take over while Glenny himself is holidaying there. He would be a nice, fat, handsome ransom. But I cannot imagine this scenario even though I would love the pirates to lay hands on him… I will also lose my villa in the process.

JenPa: Not to worry Sir. You can inherit Remire Island when Ton Albert goes. This was his haunt for more than 30 years and it will help you to get some of his mojo! You can step into his mould and build yourself this cult figure image. The key to his reign was that everyone was scared of him. This is what you need to do boss. The Seychellois people have not come to terms with ‘koste’. They want a leader that leads them by the nose and gives them everything.

Mr. President: Indeed JP but not the fishing, ‘torti sale’ etc... I am not a man of the islands and the seas as you know. I only need some peace and quiet. My makeover of being a clean, honest, sincere and hardworking President is falling on deaf ears. I have to try a new tactic. In fact you are right. We need another socialist revolution to implement the very same doctrines and tactics of the old man. It worked 100% and the man has lived on to see three parties. Look at Latin America today. Don’t you admire the achievements of the likes of Hugo Chavez? We can use the collapse of all the capitalist systems around the world as a basis to launch this new ideological platform which we can call ‘Miselism’ or plain Jj Spirit.

JenPa: Sir we have to ensure that this is all about you. The people should not be confused. With Jj, you are trailing along with a small j who is slowly being pushed into oblivion. He has been dealing with the more negative matters such as the prison unrest and I am happy that you mandated me (instead of him) to clarify the recent issues with the police enquiry report. He would have made another meal out of it.

Mr. President: The one and only Seychelles Per Fondater has spoken JP. I am a bit weary of him appointing Danny Boy as the party’s Secretary General. This is a powerful position which I occupied and believe me this is where you control our powerbase (or whatever is left of it!) and also the keys to the coffers. I see this as a coup by the old man and I am also uneasy. Who knows, when he finally drafts his will, I might be left out. This is unfortunately how he operates. Once you are no longer part of his scheme of things, he dumps you like a ‘pwason pouri’.

JenPa: You have been fortunate to have provided your unwavering support for these many years. It is a fitting tribute that you are now finally rewarded. When I look back over the years since I was born, there have been many lieutenants that have copped out but you have been standing as strong as ‘Zom Lib’ throughout. And you will also note that all of them are now part of the dustbin of history, especially the cowboys like Berlouis, Lucas, Hodoul, Ferrari, Marie and company…

Mr. President: Well this is exactly what I mean by developing this cult figure aura. It is the only way to be respected in this country. We need to go back to ruling by fear and veneration. Now that I have the two batons, I can start hitting out to all those that refuse to give in to this submission.

JenPa: Sir, we are already up there in the league with North Korea. I have great admiration for this people who are so disciplined. They revere their leader and they have perfected the art of nepotism, cronyism, communism etc… The great leader is now also passing the baton to his favourite son. I can see a lot of similarities here. Today you are trying to unite this people and the best example of a coherent, unified society is the DPRK.

Mr. President: We have to reinvent ourselves and build a new model JP. I do not want to associate myself with North Korea. They have become the black sheep of the entire world. They are bankrupt and are enslaving their people and beating them into obedience. This is not what I want for my people. All I want is for them to love me… But I have no money to give them as we are bankrupt.

JenPa: Sir is it true that there is a lot of corruption in the country? The country is bankrupt and everyone in the district is talking about it. Some are saying that all this money has been siphoned off into bank accounts and ‘Parti Lepep’. You even confirmed at one meeting that the hole might not be $2.5 billion but perhaps $5 billion.

Mr. President: Corruption has been part of our legacy JP. Remember that our excuse was to take from the rich and give back to the poor. What do we see today? It is the reverse pyramid. We have kicked out those that did not like us, allowed those who supported us to flourish and voila! A rebalanced society with a larger base of those living a very basic lifestyle, catching the ‘tata bus’, scrambling for something to eat, chasing a doctor for a band-aid, doing drugs and prostitution just to get by. Then we have an elite core that has been close to the cause and have become princes and sheiks. That’s what liberation was all about in case you were in search of an explanation. But the key to this masterstroke is that it was done in the name of ‘Lepep’.

JenPa: Aha, so I now get it! Hence the reason why Ton Albert addressed the people as the chosen caretaker on the day of the coup. He never mentioned that he was the architect at that time! It is also said that he borrowed a suit and shoes from one of his family members in Kenya on his way to Seychelles on Karanja to form the rising sun party.

Mr. President: Indeed, he wanted to impress with his degrees and had to make a grand entrance. He was looked upon as our saviour JP. The Robin Hood Kreol if you want. He was a good orator and I intend to follow in his footsteps. I now have all the modern communications methods including my new teleprompter at my disposal and will make a much bigger impact than a tiny megaphone. The new frontiers are now mine to conquer, unless a Secretary General dares to throw a banana skin my way…

With the weight of Parti Lepep on his shoulders, the President is really feeling lonely out there. He is already contemplating the next election strategy. Empty the party coffers, give out those fake 500 Seychelles rupee notes, erect giant posters of himself to display all over the country. This is his best strategy to gain the sympathy and compassion of those still feeling nostalgic about the socialist / communist days. Otherwise it is emptiness all-round for the President…