Seychelles Satire - State House Anytime Now

Welcoming Australia while Somalia pirates hit home 

Orderly has now sailed into the sunset and JenPa is figuring out how to take on the additional role of S.O.S. Together with Pooh bear, he will surely swim these new uncharted waters. This week’s events are a real test to his abilities. He has decided to take on the role of chief protocol officer himself firmly by the side of the President, as he takes the glory in introducing the cabinet and personally opening the doors of the limousine for the G.G from Australia.

JenPA (very early in the office to prepare the debriefing for his boss): Good morning Mr. President. We managed to put the negative vibes of the district meetings behind us. It was a real blessing for Mrs. Bryce to drop in on us. We managed to show her how some of the loans from Australia were spent with the visit at the new bridge. She also enjoyed meeting with the ladies of SAWOP but asked about the chapter of the Soroptimists…we never realised that she was more familiar with this bunch of ladies.

President: I must congratulate you with the handling of this visit JenPA. You have passed the test and I am no longer indebted to Orderly. I admired the arrival ceremony at the airport and I am glad you took charge of introducing the cabinet. The State House party was well orchestrated and the guest list of mostly the young members of the Jj Spirit Foundation was a master stroke. We managed to keep all the regular cocktail junkies at bay! Nathalie felt right at home in her silver lamé baby doll dress don’t you think?

JenPA: Oh she looked so adorable Sir! In fact Mr. Bryce asked me what your secret to landing such young cuties was! I told him that it was a mysterious aboriginal potion which boss brought back from his many trips down under. It allows one to dump the old and get rejuvenated with the new. He wanted in on the secret but I warned him against it as he might lose all his hair and end up with a rugby ball like Belmont or Dugasse.

President: Great my man. At least you are good at keeping secrets. I have all my trust in you and you have started well. I am also glad that you avoided any issues relating to us but focused more on the bilateral stuff to try and get us some more funding in these times of need.

JenPA: Sir we missed out on presenting our condolences for the bush fire victims. Wavel got his act together and had a very fruitful audience with ‘Madame la Gouverneure’. He wanted her to investigate Tonton Albert’s dealings back home and provided her with ample evidence that he is playing the gorilla & roaring lion behind a mango & sheep farm. He is seeking her assistance for Australia to audit all Seychelles-Australian companies and individuals to help us find the missing $2.4 Billion.

President: Indeed, she seems to be well aware that the old man has schemed with Gaetan Barallon and siphoned off a good part of the $2 Billion to Nikkei Pacific in Singapore and onward to Australia. As Finance minister at the time, boss was the one holding the purse strings so I could not cry foul. But this is now coming back to haunt me JenPa. I never thought that we would have to confront the Crown right here on our home soil. If only the Aussie government did not deny him citizenship we could have gotten rid of him way back…

JenPA: He is at least enjoying his last days in a lovely part of the world. Queensland is very much like Seychelles Mr. President. Ton Albert has his huge palace on a hilltop in a quaint little town, overlooking the turquoise waters of the Queensland coast. It has a helipad and covered by some shiny metal that glistens in the sun.  He is able to eat his ‘kordonyen ek lantiye’ whenever he wants. The town folks love him for the fortune he has poured into their economy. But he is still paranoid that some terrorist might lynch him and goes shopping at the local mall with a mob of bodyguards.

President: He has played the smart ass all the way and has nothing in his name. So when the IMF will try to clamp down, he will be untouchable. All his prized assets are in the name of Barallon and Gregoire who has taken a keen interest in investing in Australia with the payments from his hotel being made directly in bank accounts there.

JenPA: Sir he took Leo Payet there during the Christmas holidays so that he can pick a small plot for himself upon retirement.

President: Not to worry JenPA, we also have our own problems to contend with. The Somali pirates are threatening our livelihood and attacking our very existence. They are now chipping away at the three pillars that are holding us afloat. The biggest mistake is that I blew too much the trumpet about our tourism, oil potential and ‘lor ble’. These guys will take us apart and we need to seek help. Our AK 47 cannot match their firepower. Payet will have to be called into real action for the first time in his career. As Brigadier he better ensure that we nip these pirates in the bud and I expect him to deliver before he heads off to enjoy the good life on the farms in Queensland. 

With the district meetings fizzling out into comedies and no real support from the rent-a-crowd as anticipated, JenPa will turn his focus on the next issue of the State House Newsletter to spin more yarn and prop up his President to increase his sell by date! The official visit to Japan is now sticking out as a sore thumb as the hostage crisis demands the undivided attention of State House. To go or not to go… that is the question.